Last one. I just have no stamina for this really. Never have had.
And the time for annoying Gustav with the English gentry attitude has also passed. Playtime is over, gusty. sorry.
This one, you're all going to understand. According to your own understanding, that is.
Gustav.
You're not part of this anymore. The time for rational discourse has passed. You missed it.
Shut up.
Mephura
Look up the word "Aegis". Apparently the meaning was lost on you.
Perhaps you've failed to notice the only thing I'm interested in here is this message business.
Oh will you
give me a break? How fucking stupid do you think everyone is? Even
this crowd of drooling imbeciles can see past that tripe. You've been here since the beginning, hanging on every word.
Shit... did I just commit a faux pas? Made an error according to the book of logical reasoning, or the book of trolldom Spooky boy uses as his bible?
Tough.
Xev, ask yourself a few very simple questions:
1. When have I ever turned to you for anything?
2. When have I ever asked you for anything?
3. Hell, when is the last time I've ever said anything to you?
You know what's funny, Mephura?
You could have asked those exact same questions of Wanderer before you went crying to him as well. You never have been choosy about who you thought you could use - you just aim for anyone you think might be able to do it. And you give away how much fear you have, or respect for them, when you do.
And if you do, then I must do.
And if you don't post there, how would I even begin to guess?
Someone did, apparently. If "someone" did, then it might very well have been you. After all...
You, Mephura, went on the net and scoured it until you found a name and an address.
You, Mephura, couldn't even fight your own battles once before, so you set up a pseudo and gave away personal information to someone else so they could fight them for you. And doesn't that sound... familiar, Romani.
You, Mephura, are a coward calling himself a man, and why? Because you have something now which allows you to pretend to be one, and acts as a guidepost for you. There is only one course of action open to you now - "what would Gendanken think?"
And that, you spineless little turd, is all you are. Do you think I haven't noticed the change in you, since you've been back?
The rich man, thinking he's more because of what he
has, not because of what he
is.
Sometimes, the latter leads to the former.
Those are among the best of men.
You are not one of them. You might have been... but I saw your dinner date post. Invalidated that possibility in one fell swoop. You always,
always, manage to fuck it up and show me what you really are.
Look at you. You're doing it again, because you have
nothing you can throw at me. You're digging around in the bottom of the barrel, Mephura, and coming up empty. Never bring a water pistol to a gunfight.
(
Hey... watchers? "Gary" is my real name.
"WildCard" is a gaming nick I've used for years.
Like it? Mephura still thinks he has something he can use to hurt me with. Gendanken is stupid enough to think it'll work in the way she expects.
Genadanken wants me to cry.
They're right. It has worked. I'm beginning to get a little peeved.
This boy thought that everyone knowing my real name was going to hurt me, somehow. The surname, by the way, is Oldfield. A boring name, but it's mine. And now you have it too. Enjoy.)
Here's everything else Mephura may or may not know, depending on how much of a Grima he's been lately, and who's been stupid enough to think it'll do anything other than rouse me from the sleep which comes from boredom.
I drink far too much. The reasons for that are many, but you'll arrive at your own anyway. I quit every now and then for a few months at a time, just to reassure myself it isn't an addiction. At least, thats what I tell myself, knowing I can go down and buy some more anytime I like.
I live in Perth, Western Australia. Midland, to be precise, although I move around a lot because I can't ever settle in one place for long.
I'm a smoker who can't find a decent enough reason to quit. That one is an addiction, I think. It annoys me. I think it will be the thing which finally kills me.
I have trouble sleeping.
I was married once, for a few weeks, when I was stupid enough to think I'd ever be one of you. It didn't work.
My email address is
wildcard13@westnet.com.au. Don't any of you pathetic twats ever try to use it. I never had a reason to find out how to destroy email accounts before, but recently I found one. I've been sitting on that information ever since, waiting for the opportunity - or an excuse.
I work in IT. Computers are beautiful. Designed by better men than you, thought up and brought to life by those who have no idea that such an ugly example of
humanity as this even exists.
I am a technician - my place in life is to fix them when they break. Make them work again when they don't. I am a switch operator on a rail line, watching the trains go by, making sure they go where they are meant to.
Ayn Rand was a shitty writer, but she knew things most don't.
I'm proud of what I do. I do it well. And I have respect for those who designed them to begin with, gave me these things I love to tinker with.
I try so hard not to think too often, that even they would be drooling here, most of them, were they not occupied elsewhere. Permit me my little delusions - but I know those men exist. Somewhere.
My IP address is dynamic, so giving you that would be largely useless. Besides which my computers are locked up tighter than a nun's cunt, and while nothing is ever completely secure, none of you here are that good - or rather none of you who might try it are.
My former nicks on Sciforums include Fenris Wolf and The Marquis, for those who are too slow to have picked them up yet.
I'm short, only 5'7". No weight problem in sight, and I'm at the age where I should have started having one by now.
I'm not ugly, unfortunately. Wouldn't mind if I was though. It would make it easier if I didn't have to provide excuses for not liking them out of politeness, and sometimes pity.
I can't think of anything else right now which might be used against me. I think I've covered most of it.
......
So what have you got left, Mephura? Anything?
Cast around like a child without a mother and try to find something. Ask Gendanken - she'll tell you what to do. Ask all these people you're supposedly in contact with in your effort to determine what "popular opinion" is before you commit to it, or admit to something else -
you never knew.
Or crawl under a rock somewhere. Change your nick here, or refuse to out of stubborness, or because you're afraid of what changing it will mean. You have nothing left, and you had nothing to begin with.
The only way you'll ever change that is to wake up and look at yourself honestly - and I don't think you'll do that. Fuck, if I was you I'd go around and break every mirror in the house.
Gendanken
You're supposed to sound smart, sophistacted, aloof, and disinterested, Mephurio. Wax fag.
If you have the stamina, read over the last few pages. He
has been trying. But he still can't spell.
Neither can you. Control it, girl. Focus.
.....
But I'm not angry with you. I understand.
You have my sympathy.
..........
I'm done now. Nothing left, not for you people.
I'm going to find myself a river somewhere, not tomorrow because I have to work, but this saturday. Find one where there are no people, sit by it.
Thank you, Xev, for the picture of the mountains. You said I shouldn't be here - you were right. You made me look at where I was, and where I should be.
Know something? For a moment there I thought I might add "and cry, finally, not for me specifically, but for everything else I've seen". It was a moment where I thought I might wax poetic, for fun and a final chuckle.
But all of this will fade, as soon as I find that river. All of you, fade like ghosts.
I won't cry.
I'll smile instead.