LOVING YOU IS A LOSING GAME?
- Thread starter eben
- Start date
Pinball1970
Valued Senior Member
Its not your fault, she will get over it and hopefully find someone who feels like that about her.
TheVat
Valued Senior Member
I suppose one could try one date. Sometimes people will kind of grow on you, though there's no guarantee of course. I only mention this because your post made me think of a close relative who is rather choosy, has met all these attractive girls over the years who didn't spark romance, and is now quite alone and pushing into his forties. I think it's at least worth considering that some personalities just don't initially burn with romantic passion but can still eventually find such feelings over time if they keep some proximity and an open heart.
Before everyone jumps down my throat on this matter, I want to say that I am seeing epidemic loneliness among Millennials and younger, and am wondering if it might partly relate to media which flood their minds with images setting impossibly high standards for real living prospects to meet. And there's also the dubious notion that everyone has one "soul partner" - which is flaming crap.
As the saying goes, don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
Before everyone jumps down my throat on this matter, I want to say that I am seeing epidemic loneliness among Millennials and younger, and am wondering if it might partly relate to media which flood their minds with images setting impossibly high standards for real living prospects to meet. And there's also the dubious notion that everyone has one "soul partner" - which is flaming crap.
As the saying goes, don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
Who said "If you can't be with the one you love,love the one you're with"?
Plenty of people swear by living on their own,and they may not be wrong but a lot of them change their mind when "love comes to town".
We have a celebrated old bachelor in this part of the world (he once ran for President).David Norris.
He made me laugh when he said (on the radio) "I live on my own.I am very good company"
Pinball1970
Valued Senior Member
Accepting that people are not perfect or perfect fits, I agree with. However, there has to be something there, a spark.
As humans we assess pretty much everything about each other physically in seconds. Face, body, weight and height, it's what we do.
It is more complicated than, "yes would have sex with, no would not have sex with" but there is a weighing up.
If there person is in the "definitely not," category, then that is where she stays.
exchemist
Valued Senior Member
From what I read, the issue is that on-line interaction substitutes for going out and physically meeting people. It is not the same of course.You need to see how a person behaves, one to one and socially, how they move - even how they smell (my late wife, and an early girlfriend with whom I was besotted, both wore perfume). And as you say it often takes time. I've had several girlfriends who made no impression on me when I first encountered them and then one day, triggered by I don't know what, I "noticed" them.
Truth is,I don't want to have anything to do with romantic relationships I'm only 18, I have other priorities now and I feel like such a thing would be a distraction....
I even sometimes dare to hope that I never get interested,I don't think I ever will be ready for such responsibilities....
Which country?
Pinball1970
Valued Senior Member
You can do both you know, have a girlfriend and do that other important thing that you think should stop you.
Pinball1970
Valued Senior Member
"Love the one you with," is Crosby, Stills and Nash. American.
Pinball1970
Valued Senior Member
Falling for someone is not a responsibility, it is a very good reason to live.
Everything could go to shit but if you both have that thing for each other, life is worth living.
exchemist
Valued Senior Member
Yes you are young still. It's quite normal not to be very interested in these things until later. There is far too much pressure nowadays to get romantic partners very early. It can be fun if you are in the mood, but also a source of heartache, distraction and depression. You are entitled to take your time. It may come upon you unexpectedly one day.
Ireland .
David Norris is an elderly Joycean scholar who ran unsuccessfully for president .His love life (seemingly non exstent now) was in the papers some time ago.
"Flamboyant" would describe him.
exchemist
Valued Senior Member
He bowls from the pavilion end, doesn't he?
Quite entertaining .He would make an appearance every year on Bloomsday and there would be lots of interviews on the radio and tv.
It is a bit of a fetish over here-Ulysses.
This year ,as I said Norris didn't figure but there was some well known writer in his place(Colm Tobin?) explaining that ,to understand Ulysses you have you have to read it as a series of vignettes rather than as a whole(rather like the Odyssey)
Talking of fantaisists,we had a visitor some years back who ,off his drugs imagined that I had lived in a castle in England and that he was related to Countess Markievicz of the 1916 uprising.
He presented me with a book on WB Yeats "Greek and Roman Themes" which ,because I can't be bothered to remove it lies prominently but unread in my living room.
No one has noticed it though and I have to remind myself from time to time it is still in place.
It is a scolarly work ,but of no interest to me.
Actually his brother,the vet was abused by his father and committed suicide (his father, the pharmacist used to walk around town talking to himself )
TheVat
Valued Senior Member
Well yes to that last. If someone is truly not one's type, it's going to remain in the friend zone. I was trying to draw Eben out a bit, to clarify what his no romantic interest meant. Sometimes there are undercurrents that the young have yet to explore.
TheVat
Valued Senior Member
I had not realized there was any way to read Ulysses but as vignettes. I just assumed this was me being intellectually flabby and not paying enough attention. I'm happy to be validated by Mr Toibin.
Norris sounds like someone who would've made for a lively presidency. Pushing for a lower age of consent would've stirred the pot a little.
TheVat
Valued Senior Member
Stephen Stills - it was a solo album.
I assumed it should be read from cover to cover.I had not realized there was any way to read Ulysses but as vignettes. I just assumed this was me being intellectually flabby and not paying enough attention. I'm happy to be validated by Mr Toibin.
Norris sounds like someone who would've made for a lively presidency. Pushing for a lower age of consent would've stirred the pot a little.
He said to open it up at any page.
My literary guiltiness,I think.
I used to love listening to cultured people talking about books on the radio even if I hardly knew what they were on about for the sake of a window into that world (just the sound of their voices, almost)
I include Toibin in that group ,though he is very down to earth.
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I'm a bit neurodivergent[don't know the actual diagnosis ] and relationship is going to be more like than a struggle for me than it is for the average person..... I look more to the hidden aspects of relationships,a lot of people only show or promote the good aspects of such relationships without showing what goes into maintaining such stuff...
I am a man of integrity and wouldn't like to intentionally do this knowing the weight of struggle require and finally back out