Jokes and Funny Stories II

[Roosters for ever]

Don't come to me for advice. we'll end up in a bar.

 

[Roosters for ever]

Some Australian bloke summed it up nicely. "Fuck, I'm glad we got the convicts and they got the Puritans.

 

[Roosters for ever]

I was watching this show last night on TV and this Woman was listing all the things I once did for fun. Then I realised that it was one of those religious channels and she was reading out a list of sins.

 

[Wizard of Whatever]

What's the difference between most Rabbis and most Priests.

A tip.

 

[Wizard of Whatever]

The priest met a tiger in the woods and got down on his knees and prayed. The tiger approached, laid down and appeared to be praying too. The priest asked him if he was praying to god.The tiger answered, "No, I am just saying grace before my meal."

 

[TheVat]

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip.

 

[Roosters for ever]

Q: Why don't blind people bungee jump? A: Because it scares the fuck out of the dog,

 

[Killjoy]

A man is walking down a Moscow street, weeping uncontrollably. A policeman stops him.

“Why are you crying?”

“I’m not allowed to say.”

The policeman grabs him: “Tell me or I’ll arrest you.”

The man wipes his eyes and says: “Fine. I’m crying because it’s the only thing they haven’t banned yet.

 

[Wizard of Whatever]

How is your girl friend like a banana?

She needs to be peeled before eating.

 

[Wizard of Whatever]

The boy said to the girl, "Darling be mine".
The girl replied, "You're already mine".

 

[Wizard of Whatever]

What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

Make me one with everything!

 

[Roosters for ever]