In the cricket

Holy shit!
The test is just beginning and I've just dragged my sorry arse (oversexed but sorry arse) out of bed.

I've been on a blinder _ A bender?. No, a blinder.
Anyway, what's been happening?
New year's came and went.

Australian cricket will be fine. We've been at the top or thereabouts for a very long time. We'll always have plenty of fight.

Thanks for your concern Kremmen, the floods are a good way from here. We've had a wet period (first for 15 years) and the bush is so happy, so are the pastures. Trees are lush with new growth.

I swam into a flotilla of bluebottles on New years day, not much fun, stung like shit and changed my mood also, I was completely antisocial for the whole night (I was a total wet blanket).

Shit!!, Clarkey's captain!!

So, a few friends have had the same reaction to bluebottles, there may be some science in it.

The series is coming to a close. Let's hope for a decent close game.

You'll be pleased to know I enjoy the contest between bat and ball even when the result is beyond question.

I think I just saw Pietersen mouth 'send her Pretorius' in the singing of the national anthem.

Aussies to bat, no predictions from me.

Carn 'shtraya!
Could you make a video of you pointing to the sea and telling the bluies exactly what you think of them.

It's raining in Sydney.
It hasn't rained there in the summer for 2000 years!
Surely the weather isn't going allow you to fluke a draw?

The rain will rob us of a win.

For some strange reason I actually like bluebottles, they signify the start of a season of warm and beautifully clear water and an influx of more tropical fish species, so the odd stinging welt is but a small tax.

They are also an amazing colour.

Khawaja looked bloody good out there today. Very uncomplicated technique and obviously a crack eye.

The press have the Poms ahead at the end of the day, I think it's dead even given that England should bat last and there is evidence of the pitch deteriorating already.
Holy shit!
The test is just beginning and I've just dragged my sorry arse (oversexed but sorry arse) out of bed.

Your Press are rabble rousers.
If the anti Ponting hysteria gets too bad in Australia, he is welcome to come and play for Warwickshire.
I can say that categorically, with no authority or justification whatever.
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Two fascinating days of cricket, on one of the most beautiful grounds in the World. The crowd are getting great value for the cost of their seats. Now a change of weather will bring sunshine, hopefully, and the best day of all. It's anyone's game.

Did you see Pietersen, again!
What are we to do with him?
Sometimes you have to put your parochialism aside, accept you've been beaten (clobbered) by a better side and sit back and applaud their skill.
England have played exceptionally well from the moment they arrived.
Aussies are well below expected standards and underperforming as well.

Cook has been unstoppable, a magnificent series and he's had great support throughout.

No shame for Australia in being beaten by superb team. Yes we've had moments that look quite ordinary but quality opposition can do that to you.
Yes we're in a rebuilding phase and yes there will be players involved and some who still in school pants who will remember this series and turn the tables in years to come.

If the Poms had ended up with a lead of 150 or so the game would still be alive but we're in miracle territory already.

So who will make up the nucleus of the Australian side for coming years?
Khawaja? Even Gustav would have been secretly impressed by the Australian crowd's uninhibited support for the young Muslim, Pakistani born lad. Haddin?
Who else? There's plenty of room at the top (always room at the top).

Cook has got Captain Cook written all over him, if he can avoid rickets and scurvy, he'll have a long and distinguished career. I'd love to be the one writing the catchphrases...'Cook's Terra nulled'...shit like that.

Now, I hope you're freezing your tits off in the ole dart, I'm eating fresh homegrown figs and grapes, washed down with a nice N.E Victorian Riesling.

Bugger off!
Wilhelm Gronke:
Do not play them. They invent this game for cheating. They are all English Cheats.
Apart from the Pietersen, who plays like a good German would.
Whack! Honest Germanic shots.

Australia needs to regroup.
Or possibly jump en masse over Sydney Bridge on a bungee. That would be entertaining, at least.
Their bowling today was terrible.

Can Cook really be that good? I'm not sure.
Can England really have a cricketer who is beating records which have stood for decades? We don't usually.
Maybe Cook looked better than he was. Time will tell.

A century for Bell.
He is a class cricketer. Potentially a great one.
I hope this performance will drive the gremlins from his brain.


Chowdhury. Not sure where it went, but it looked good.
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I never heard such a night of talking about cakes.
Or perhaps I was asleep some of the time and dreaming about cakes.
Do you get the same commentators as us?

Plus, a treat.
I heard Geoffrey Boycott showing the depth of his learning last night.

Commentator: (can't remember which one) All great sporting empires fall. Think of Wigan's unconquerable Rugby team or Liverpool at Football.

Geoffrey: Yes, and real Empires too. The Roman one for example.

I've been looking at the sports news on the Sydney Morning Herald.
Very good sports coverage
I've only read the sports news, and not the Politics, but I'm impressed.
Intelligent reporting.
How come the vile media snapping crocodile Murdoch hasn't got his jaws into it?

I donated to his empire today by buying The Times, one of our oldest and most reputable newspapers, The newspaper beloved by my favourite teacher at school, God Bless her Soul, and now toting unthinking racism as an antidote to the national unrest which is rising in Britain.
Today's front page was devoted to an ongoing article about how Muslims of Pakistani origin are forming coteries in which young white English girls are passed around like meat.

I must say it shocked me. The low quality of the writing, not the subject matter.

I mention my favourite school teacher.
She died of Lung Cancer not long after I left school.
I only found out quite recently.
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Last rites administered today, Even the priest said ' You played like shiiiiittttt!!!!'

You know how this goes right, you guys beat us for approximately 15 years, then we turn around and beat you once. You'll be winning again in no time at all.
And the jokes come pouring in...

What do you call an Australian carrying a bottle of champagne? A waiter.

Why can't you drink wine in Australia at the moment? Because they don't have any openers.

What do you call a world-class Australian cricketer? Retired.

What do you call an Australian who can hold a catch? A fisherman.

What is the difference between Cinderella and the Aussies? Cinderella knew when to leave the ball.

Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad? The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

The Australian bobsleigh team have asked the Aussie cricket team for a meeting... They want to ask their advice about going downhill so fast!

What’s the difference between Ricky Ponting and a funeral director? A funeral director doesn’t keep losing the ashes.

Why is Ricky Ponting cleverer than Houdini? Because he can get out without even trying.

What do you get if you cross the Australian cricket team with an OXO cube? A laughing stock.

3-1!! Sounds like the start of another Aussie innings!! :D
What do you think are the Australian chances of winning the one dayers?
They are way ahead of us in the rankings.
They should win.

We can't beat them at one day cricket.
Perhaps we can, but I don't think we will.

Just looked at the betting, and you can get :
Evens on Australia.
4/5 on England.
Not something to bet the house on, but aren't they good odds on Australia?

Why don't Australia poach back the bowling coach we poached off them?
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First International Melbourne 16th January.

There is a 20/20 Match on the 14th, which I won't be listening to because 20/20 is chav cricket, but Wilhelm Gronke is flying over from Germany to watch his hero Pietersen.
He's promising to post a match report.

Wilhelm Gronke: Yes Pietersen. All else are liars and English cheats. I will be there.
What is chav? Something bad? Lying English Pig!

How come Alice Springs doesn't have a cricket ground?

Spud. Tip. Bet a few dollars on Evens for Australia to win the one day international series.
A completely different game to test cricket. The odds show unnecessary pessimism.
I won't be betting, because I want to give England my full support.
4/5 is poor odds on an English win.

Following on from the Australian Blue Bill.
There is also an Argentine Blue Bill Duck.
Not as handsome though.
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Wilhelm Gronke:
Adelaide. Twenty Twenty Match. Commentary.

Australians win toss and decide to bat.
I go to dinner.
When return England cheats are batting.
First is Bell. I read newspaper.
Next is cheat Steve Davies.
Ha Ha. Is out for 4.
"Go back for snooker!", I shout.
Then is Pietersen.
Bravo! A good German is playing.
Whack! Ball is in air. Whack! Everyone is running after ball.
Whack! Whack! Whack!
Then hero is out. So sad.
Dinner makes me sleepy.
Is like Hypnotist. Wilhelm, say sausage. You are so slee-pee.
Something like that.
I Sleep.
I wake up. Barmy Army of English crooks is cheering.
English cheats have won.
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I've gained an appreciation for 20/20, lots of action, aggressive fielding, pure hitting and exciting finishes.

Australia made a step in the right direction tonight, Brett Lee is bowling some serious smoke. Watto! Wow.
Finally something to cheer about.

And yes, I am convinced about Bell's ability, he can bat.
Australia won the first one dayer.
Good game!
Pietersen hit a shot that went half way up into the crowd.
You gotta admire him sometimes.
He just loves giving that ball a mighty whack.
Can't help himself.
Ferkin Dumbwit!

I hear the floods are spreading into Northern Victoria.
What are they going to do to stop the next one?
These Ninos and Ninas are getting more common, every few years now.
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When the Poms play a test series against the South Africans or the Indians, it will be the real indicator of how bad Australia has become. Or how good England really are.