Bork
For most young women, while physical appearance is important, the main factor in a male that attracts them is status. Young women particularly like males who are leaders. This comes out in a wide range of ways, and (of course) every woman is different. So some women are hung up on rock stars. Some on sports heroes. Some few are attracted by academic leaders etc.
Yeah, I was thinking about discussing some of these things, but I didn't want to stray too far from my points about health and weight. What you say makes sense to me, but I think also our society makes an arbitrary association between good looks and leadership qualities.
My own experience was interesting. When young, I was a long, long way from being Casanova. My success with women was minimal. However I was (and still am) a keen scuba diver. I trained to become an instructor, and ended up working for a dive shop, and instructing some hundreds of new divers each year. Within the dive class social group I was automatically the leader. Guess what? All of a sudden women from those classes were strongly attracted to me. I had a period of ten years as a full time scuba instructor where I was extremely successful, and enjoyed the intimate company of a number of attractive women.
Strangely, that was not why I became a scuba instructor. But it was a good time!
Nice strategy, I'm glad it worked out for you even if it was initially unintentional. I've noticed that too- a guy could have a fairly "ordinary" job in terms of pay and benefits, but if it involves assuming responsibility and leadership over a group even for just half a day, and the guy is confident and charming, yeah the women love to flirt with 'em. But I have to say those guys usually do look the part to some extent- tall, strapping, etc.
So, if your aim is to become attractive to women, you would be better finding a way to become a leader of a social group that included young, single women.
I wouldn't say that's my only goal. Number 1 person I'm doing this for is myself. And again, unfortunately weight does seem to have an impact on the way people perceive and treat each other, it gets more subtle as you get older but you can still see it happening if you watch closely.
while i do concur that the world can be shitty and shallow, it's also my opinion that being overweight, or having an eating disorder, is the outward manifestation of some form of weakness, emotional or mental problem. i've struggled with my weight for most of my life, and have been known to binge eat, so i know how it is. it's not healthy, and health and strength is attractive.
Yeah, it's a tough blow to take, but society does expect its members to aspire to certain standards. I don't find it entirely unreasonable- if I'm totally not attracted to the woman because she's obese, I'll still hang out with her and give her the time of day, I just won't go to bed with her. I do think I'm more forgiving than most people when it comes to my "standards", but yeah even I have standards. I feel a bit guilty sometimes about desiring that there be some physical attraction in a relationship, but that's balanced by my feelings of being held to even higher standards than my own.
Sometimes people tell me "don't worry, all those beautiful young women who don't give you the time of day now, when they get older and they're tired of fooling around, they'll be looking for people like you to settle down with." But does that "settling down" point not usually come when the women are old enough that they're no longer considered beautiful like they once were? I can say this much- I have no sympathy for any woman who made physical attraction their focus in younger years when they were popular, then over time fell from grace, or ended up in a string of bad relationships. I know a lot of women like that who are getting close to or in their 30's and just aren't what they used to be, and when they complain and cry to me, I get this really twisted gratification inside like they got nothing they didn't deserve.
Don't get me wrong though, I don't carry any sort of grudge against women in general- they are what they are, as long as it doesn't harm me or stop me from doing my own thing, there's nothing to hold against them. I have on a few very rare occasions flirted and made out with women that I actually considered smoking hot, so sometimes good things happen. Maybe my biggest problem is that negative experiences in the past have tainted my vision, I get easily intimidated and tend to assume the worst about a gorgeous woman when trying to figure out if I should approach her.
