That's like saying that water and waves on the water aren't the same because they are defined differently.
Water and waves
aren't the same. Hence they are "defined" (described) differently.
The same goes for spacetime and photons.
I'm just saying that the electromagnetic field are a subset of spacetime...
It isn't. There's nothing "sub" to spacetime. Spacetime is the backdrop of space and time, against which events take place in the universe. Including electromagnetic events.
... a different scale bringing different equations...
Please show me, mathematically, how applying a "different scale" to spacetime can create a magnetic field.
Then we can discuss further.
Anyway, no matter if gravity should be seen as a force or not (I think it should not), it still behaves as a field, just much weaker than the electromagnetic field but in turn acting on far greater distances.
The gravitational interaction is influential over exactly the same range of distances as the electromagnetic interaction. For instance, the gravitational force between two masses drops off as the inverse square of the distance between the masses, which means the "range" of the force is infinite. Similarly, the electric force between two electric charges drops off as the inverse square of the distance between the charges, which again means that the "range" of the force is infinite.
There is a greater "pull" if you could call it that, on something close to earth than on something further away from earth, if you take the bowling ball and the feather and have them at much greater distances from eachother you could have the feather being pulled by gravity while the bowling ball isn't pulled much at all.
No. In the force picture, the force of Earth on the bowling ball will always be greater than the force of Earth on a feather, if the feather and the ball are at equal distances from Earth. This is is grade-school physics.
We are still looking for gravitons that supposedly should carry the gravitational force even though we've known since about 1915 that gravity is not really a force. Why do you think that is?
Because the 1915 theory of gravity is a classical theory, whereas gravitons would be part of a
quantum theory of gravity.
In a quantum theory of gravity, the gravitational interaction would be on a similar footing to the other three fundamental interactions, all of which have force carrier bosons.
Since science doesn't rule out particle carriers of force for gravity though it isn't really a force...
You're mixing up two different theories of gravity. You can talk about one or the other, but not both at the same time. You don't get to just mix and match concepts from one theory with concepts from the other.
... we shouldn't rule out electromagnetism being not a force just because it has particles that seem to carry the force.
Electromagnetism can't be modelled as a curvature of a spacetime-like manifold. In a gravitational field, all objects with mass accelerate at the same rate due to gravity. But in a electric field, for example, objects with different electrical charges can accelerate at different rates due to the same electric field.
That's a fundamental difference, right there.
NOT sure about this but I think a theory of Quantum gravity would require a graviton...
That's standard physics. It's nice that you agree with some standard physics, I suppose.