Attraction

[Asguard]

You do have a point. Noone cares is a relationship works or not anymore.


I do not believe in looking for a man, I meet ppl, and I see things as a friendship, and if sparks come from it, then awesome! If not then I atleast have a friend.



No, not alot of free time.. Just wanna hear points of views.

Sure, however the point still stands, if 1:10 people cheat and all the guys you sleep with cheat either you need to learn not to care or you need to look at the people you end up sleeping with and the values you have incommen. Blind chance says that its unlikly EVERY Guy you sleep with will cheat so there has to be a reason. Alot of people would suggest its something your doing but I don't subscribe to that viewpoint, I think its more likely that certain personalities will increase the chances of someone cheating. So basically the 3 options you have is blame yourself for them cheatting, change the type of people you sleep with or blame all men and join a nunnery

 

[Anti-Flag]

Then I would suggest your looking for the wrong kind of men. I belive the current statistics are about 1:10 people cheat, however that doesn't take personality into account. If you date Gen Simmons's he's GOING to cheat. You need to find something attractive in the other 9 peopled

You mean 1 in 10 people admit to cheating. 9 in 10 just lie about it. I'm not sure how you can tell who will and who won't until it happens. I've known people I never thought would, but they have. :shrug:

 

[Anti-Flag]

"Bad" is a moral judgement, which IMHO, does not apply to things consenting adults do to and for each other.

Does it make a difference how the consent is gained? If I deceive someone to gain their willing consent then am I not a bad person? At the least I am selfish and harmful.

What I think her activity does is make her common, with little to distinguish or recommend herself to someone interested in a more serious relationship.

The M.D., Ph. D., professional financial adviser, I posted about happened to be reasonably attractive, as far as I can tell from her photo, but spent years distinguishing herself from others to become 1 in 10,000. - A highly unique woman, and attractive to people like me who want a lot in the woman they go with and are not willing to accept those that are a "dime a dozen" even if great in bed (except perhaps for a few months between more serious relationships).

Well maybe common in the sense of willfully hurting others, even if she does have a good reason. :shrug:
Distinguised and attractive doesn't mean they're worth being with. Likewise those who are relatively plain and have no major achievements may make great partners, or can be just as bad as those you would expect. People aren't always what they seem.

You do have a point. Noone cares is a relationship works or not anymore.

Well why would they? There's millions of people to sleep with and they don't have time to settle down. Most people have unrealistic expectations, are shallow, selfish, and don't bother working things out when they get difficult. Many don't believe in "forever" either. We don't really bother teaching people good morals anymore so most aren't really relationship material. :shrug:

No, not alot of free time.. Just wanna hear points of views.

You could be here forever.

 

[Asguard]

You mean 1 in 10 people admit to cheating. 9 in 10 just lie about it. I'm not sure how you can tell who will and who won't until it happens. I've known people I never thought would, but they have. :shrug:

I'm sorry that's crap, not everyone cheats by a longshot. Do you cheat? If so why?

As for how to know you can't for certain but certain personality types are definitely more likely.

 

[Billy T]

Does it make a difference how the consent is gained? If I deceive someone to gain their willing consent then am I not a bad person? At the least I am selfish and harmful.

All three, if by deceit you get them to do what they other wise would not.

Well maybe common in the sense of willfully hurting others, ...

No I meant "common" in the most usually meaning. I.e. like many others who in the modern age enjoy casual sex.

Distinguished and attractive doesn't mean they're worth being with. Likewise those who are relatively plain and have no major achievements may make great partners,

That may be very true for many who themselves are quite common / undistinguished, but not for some who are.*

or can be just as bad as those you would expect. People aren't always what they seem.

I agree -why I think it is good idea to just live together for at least a year, or longer - I see little reason to marry unless you want children. Then "splitting problems" may be resolved with effort you would not put forth except for the children.
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* In prior post I mentioned a very well educated, quite intelligent woman I lived with for more than a year. She wanted to marry and have a child but found very few men she could imagine doing that with (and by chance all prior to me she was attracted to happen to be closet homosexuals). She questioned the wisdom of becoming so well educated. If she were a common lady, she could be married in a year as nice looking, etc. There were many minor reasons why we splint, but in small part at least I did so as there was no way I would ever met her goals and so long as we remained bed partners and companions, she would loss any opportunity she had to meet those goals.

 

[christa]

Alot of people would suggest its something your doing but I don't subscribe to that viewpoint, I think its more likely that certain personalities will increase the chances of someone cheating. So basically the 3 options you have is blame yourself for them cheatting, change the type of people you sleep with or blame all men and join a nunnery

last ass said it wasn't my fault. it was fully his...

Now I just need to stop crying and go to bed.. ugh.. sleep.....

 

[SciWriter]

 

[christa]

........

 

[Anti-Flag]

I'm sorry that's crap, not everyone cheats by a longshot. Do you cheat? If so why?

Ok I'll let you have that point, but the numbers are way higher than surveys ever suggest because so few people would admit to it.
I couldn't bring myself to cheat, but I've known next to zero people who wouldn't if they thought they could get away with it, and the vast majority of them try.

As for how to know you can't for certain but certain personality types are definitely more likely.

I'm tempted to agree with that, there can be correlations with some behaviours. That said, people will chose to hide that part of their personality as best they can, after all if it was that obvious they would cheat, nobody would date them.

All three, if by deceit you get them to do what they other wise would not.

Agreed. That's usually where I get annoyed with people who say "you made the choice to date them" when obviously they had you convinced they were completely different.

No I meant "common" in the most usually meaning. I.e. like many others who in the modern age enjoy casual sex.

Heh, well no denying that is very common, but I was trying not to read too much into her statements.

That may be very true for many who themselves are quite common / undistinguished, but not for some who are.*

It depends on what your values are. Some people come across as beautiful, or remarkable, or both. But that doesn't mean they are nice people, it says nothing of their values or beliefs or what else they may desire - for example many career women lose out on kids and a family because their focus is elsewhere. I have no problem dating someone less wealthy, with a worse career or worse looks, so long as they have the more important things. You can't have everything as they say.

I agree -why I think it is good idea to just live together for at least a year, or longer - I see little reason to marry unless you want children. Then "splitting problems" may be resolved with effort you would not put forth except for the children.

Agreed.

Now I just need to stop crying and go to bed.. ugh.. sleep.....

Try not to think about it.

Does the flower represent the rose? Watch out for the pricks?

 

[Asguard]

What flower?

 

[christa]

I'm sorry that's crap, not everyone cheats by a longshot. Do you cheat? If so why?

As for how to know you can't for certain but certain personality types are definitely more likely.

I don't. I go out and meet ppl when single, then when something happens and a relationship forms, I tend to stop talking to the ones I was trying to make something happen with.

Try not to think about it.

Does the flower represent the rose? Watch out for the pricks?

I try to not to.. but I end up doing when he pulls stupid shit.

What flower?

the pic talks about a flower

 

[Asguard]

I don't. I go out and meet ppl when single, then when something happens and a relationship forms, I tend to stop talking to the ones I was trying to make something happen with.



I try to not to.. but I end up doing when he pulls stupid shit.



the pic talks about a flower

This maybe piss poor advice but when my ex cheated on me and the emotional harm it caused me I made a rule for myself. Cheat on me and you will find all your stuff on the front lawn and that will be the last time I ever speak. Thankfully it hasn't happened since. I also concidered seeing if its legal to make a prenup which says (only this) if either partner cheats they get the clothes on there back and nothing else (nothing else at all in the prenup BTW)

 

[Billy T]

... Now I just need to stop crying and go to bed.. ugh.. sleep.....

In earlier post you said you don't go after men, just leave it all to chance and hope for the best, or at least a new friend.

Yet, you seem unhappy with how this approach has worked out. Quite possibly fact that you enjoy casual sex is known - and attracting men who will dump you when their interest turns to others with more serious / lasting attractions.

As your current operating procedures have not worked out well, perhaps you should change them. I.e. decide what type of man you want, where you will find more of them etc. and go after one.

Recall in one of my first posts here, if not the first, I told how the typically American girl had little serious appeal to me (but I did try to get a few of them into bed for brief periods compared to a year. -Sadly that was harder back when I was young.) Thus, even with my two left feet, I went to two different folk dance groups each week as "Typically American" girls rarely went there. You should do something calculating like this (probably not folk dance groups) and knock off the easy availability of sex. (As they said long ago: "If the milk is free, why buy the cow?")

You don't need to fully transform your self into an exceptionally talented woman: Like my 1 in 10,000. - That takes years, but you could develop some unique areas that not many women have which would appeal to the more serious man you seem to want.

I can't tell you what, but for example if you wanted a man that was handy around the house, liked adventure, travel, not timid, etc. consider getting a pilot's license, hang out at the local small plane airport. Learn how to safely pack your parachute and hitch rides to skydive, etc. Then you would not be just another common girl with an available pussy but someone with your own interests that might coincide with those of a man who may think: "This is the girl I have been looking for."

Join bike club, learn how to flyfish, become a stamp collector, learn how to sail small boats, how to fly model airplanes, etc. and join such a club - hundreds of ways to not be common.

Definitely be calculating about how to get what you want - don't leave it chance encounters in bars, etc. That's not going to work - too much competition. Make yourself special in at least some limited area.

 

[Mrs.Lucysnow]

In earlier post you said you don't go after men, just leave it all to chance and hope for the best, or at least a new friend.

Yet, you seem unhappy with how this approach has worked out. Quite possibly fact that you enjoy casual sex is known - and attracting men who will dump you when their interest turns to others with more serious / lasting attractions.

As your current operating procedures have not worked out well, perhaps you should change them. I.e. decide what type of man you want, where you will find more of them etc. and go after one.

Recall in one of my first posts here, if not the first, I told how the typically American girl had little serious appeal to me (but I did try to get a few of them into bed for brief periods compared to a year.) Thus, even with my two left feet, I went to two different folk dance groups each week as "Typically American" girls rarely went there. You should do something calculating like this (probably not folk dance groups) and knock off the easy availability of sex. (As they said long ago: "If the milk is free, why buy the cow?")

You don't need to fully transform your self into an exceptionally talented woman: Like my 1 in 10,000. - That takes years, but you could develop some unique areas that not many women have which would appeal to the more serious man you seem to want.

I can't tell you what, but for example if you wanted a man that was handy around the house, liked adventure, travel, not timid, etc. consider getting a pilot's license, hang out at the local small plane airport, etc. Then you would not be just another common girl with an available pussy but someone with your own interests that might coincide with those of a man who may think: "This is the girl I have been looking for."

Join bike club, learn how to flyfish, become a stamp collector and join such a club - hundreds of ways to not be common.

Definitely be calculating about how to get what you want - don't leave it chance encounters in bars, etc. That's not going to work - too much competition. Make yourself special in at least some limited area.

Just out of curiosity, what is it you dislike about american women?

 

[Billy T]

Just out of curiosity, what is it you dislike about american women?

I told in first post but mainly, back when I was college/ graduate student age, they typically placed too high a value (IMHO) on material things, what others think of them, how they dressed, etc.

My first wife was Norwegian school teacher, concerned with social issues, and not at all like most most US girls / ladies of the era. Sadly, after two decades of living in America with me, she was more "Americanized" than any native born I knew.- We had to have the big house, new cars, latest style clothes, well polished shoes, freshly ironed shirt, etc.

The co-worker I car pooled with was starting APL's management training course series and that would lead to higher salary. At wife's insistence I started it too but I wanted to say in active research - use my physics Ph. D. etc., not worry about schedules, budgets etc. In course, I learned how to make "critical path analysis" of major projects, like construction of satellites for launch by certain date, etc. but I could not stand that being my focus.

I only completed first course and dropped out of the second - that was the final straw and we separated. I gave her the big house, the new car, etc. and soon was happy again in my tiny apartment (with new girl friends*).

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* It was 20+ years later, and then more US ladies, especially the well educated ones I dated, were no longer so "Typically American." I think that each generation tends to react against their parent's POV. Now that young college age kids have had a materially good life, probably few are the materialistic "Typically Americans" I had no interest in years ago. Certainly acquiring wealth is not their main goal of many now as far as I can tell.

PS, Since you read post 153, what do you think of my advice to Christa?

 

[christa]

This maybe piss poor advice but when my ex cheated on me and the emotional harm it caused me I made a rule for myself. Cheat on me and you will find all your stuff on the front lawn and that will be the last time I ever speak. Thankfully it hasn't happened since. I also concidered seeing if its legal to make a prenup which says (only this) if either partner cheats they get the clothes on there back and nothing else (nothing else at all in the prenup BTW)

hahaha, I want a dating prenup...

In earlier post you said you don't go after men, just leave it all to chance and hope for the best, or at least a new friend.

Yet, you seem unhappy with how this approach has worked out. Quite possibly fact that you enjoy casual sex is known - and attracting men who will dump you when their interest turns to others with more serious / lasting attractions.

As your current operating procedures have not worked out well, perhaps you should change them. I.e. decide what type of man you want, where you will find more of them etc. and go after one.

Recall in one of my first posts here, if not the first, I told how the typically American girl had little serious appeal to me (but I did try to get a few of them into bed for brief periods compared to a year. -Sadly that was harder back when I was young.) Thus, even with my two left feet, I went to two different folk dance groups each week as "Typically American" girls rarely went there. You should do something calculating like this (probably not folk dance groups) and knock off the easy availability of sex. (As they said long ago: "If the milk is free, why buy the cow?")

You don't need to fully transform your self into an exceptionally talented woman: Like my 1 in 10,000. - That takes years, but you could develop some unique areas that not many women have which would appeal to the more serious man you seem to want.

I can't tell you what, but for example if you wanted a man that was handy around the house, liked adventure, travel, not timid, etc. consider getting a pilot's license, hang out at the local small plane airport. Learn how to safely pack your parachute and hitch rides to skydive, etc. Then you would not be just another common girl with an available pussy but someone with your own interests that might coincide with those of a man who may think: "This is the girl I have been looking for."

Join bike club, learn how to flyfish, become a stamp collector, learn how to sail small boats, how to fly model airplanes, etc. and join such a club - hundreds of ways to not be common.

Definitely be calculating about how to get what you want - don't leave it chance encounters in bars, etc. That's not going to work - too much competition. Make yourself special in at least some limited area.

I'm scared of heights! haha! But I understand where you are going with it.. I have the things that i love to do, just can't join clubs because around here, we don't really have any... Noone likes the area, everyone is just rude, racist, and ignorance.. Yes, I can have my little times of ignorance and naive times, but i'm 25, and a girl.. I feel like its allowed at times. But as for the encounters, I don't go to the bars to often, but i do work in a busy restaurant, and I do try to go to social events that are around the community. I'm about to take a class at the college and not do everything online like I wanted to. Seeing if that would help me out in the meeting someone department... And maybe you are right, maybe I should just stop dreaming about just accidentally bumping into someone and just go look for the standards that I have, and not sway from them, or try to make up excuses for others...

 

[Billy T]

... i do work in a busy restaurant, and I do try to go to social events that are around the community. I'm about to take a class at the college and not do everything online like I wanted to. Seeing if that would help me out in the meeting someone department ...

That sound good. I forgot to mention volunteer service work, but that may be too female dominated. I did few months of "Meal on Wheels" deliveries but never met "Miss. Right" there - I always got paired with old ladies for the deliveries. Being an "academic type" I did better at public lectures and the library. Keep your eyes open for opportunities and good luck.

PS, don't take course in home decoration etc. - auto repair etc. sound more promising for your real objective.

 

[Anti-Flag]

I try to not to.. but I end up doing when he pulls stupid shit.

Slap the guy and cut him out of your life. You don't really want someone like that around.

I also concidered seeing if its legal to make a prenup which says (only this) if either partner cheats they get the clothes on there back and nothing else (nothing else at all in the prenup BTW)

If only it were. I also think DNA tests for the kids should be mandatory, that'll put the wind up any girl thinking she can trap an innocent guy. There have been a lot of spurious numbers stating how many kids are unknowingly raised by other men, it'd be nice to have a definite answer if it really is so many.

 

[domesticated om]

Well I am disqualified LMAO!! I HATE mushrooms and I can't keep my mouth shut! hahahahaaaaaaaaaa

Oh wow - just noticed your reply.
Are you any good at lying about where the bruises came from (example - fell down some stairs)? I can accept that in lieu of silence.

Well...actually, never mind. You're right. Your total lack of mushroom fandom has totally squashed your chances.






Disclaimer regarding my bruise jokes: I think domestic violence is truly horrible, and don't condone it at all. I was just rolling along with Bell's reply.

 

[Randwolf]

I'm scared of heights! haha! But I understand where you are going with it.. I have the things that i love to do, just can't join clubs because around here, we don't really have any... Noone likes the area, everyone is just rude, racist, and ignorance.. Yes, I can have my little times of ignorance and naive times, but i'm 25, and a girl.. I feel like its allowed at times. But as for the encounters, I don't go to the bars to often, but i do work in a busy restaurant, and I do try to go to social events that are around the community. I'm about to take a class at the college and not do everything online like I wanted to. Seeing if that would help me out in the meeting someone department... And maybe you are right, maybe I should just stop dreaming about just accidentally bumping into someone and just go look for the standards that I have, and not sway from them, or try to make up excuses for others...

While I agree with a lot of what BillyT said, I do not think you should completely abandon your "dreaming of just accidentally bumping into someone". For ultimately, that's what it comes down to.

Perhaps BillyT intended this to go without saying, but lets clarify anyway. Special interests are great, and they do add to the attribute of "uniqueness". I also think that while you should be somewhat calculating as to how you go about meeting someone, this can easily be taken too far. You don't want to become a "cold manipulative bitch", whether you're scheming for wealth, fame, or any other sort of "trophy husband" - lest you risk turning into the very "typical American girl" BillyT so detests. He limits his detest to women who care only for materialistic possessions, but I would venture that this could extend to those who care only for being with "a man in uniform", aka Airplane Pilot in his example, or someone who is skilled with his hands, or etc., etc. BillyT's advice in this area may be skewed a little by his own personal heartaches of the past, which is totally understandable.

Personally, I believe that it comes down to mutual interests and understanding. (Which probably was at least a part of the point that he was trying for, but I'm not sure)

In other words, I wouldn't advise learning to jump out of a plane just to capture a pilot. (Although jumping out of planes did, as an aside, actually cure me of my fear of heights) Similarly, I wouldn't attend folk dances if I didn't personally like folk dances, because... Guess what? You're liable to find a guy that does, in fact, like folk dancing, is good at it, and you're stuck, presumably for life, with a partner whose passion you do not share. Not good.

While this is an oversimplification, basically what I'm saying is pursue you're own interests first, the relationship will follow. Have you ever wanted to learn to paint, for example? Or do you have a passion for dogs or tropical fish? Focusing on your own interests for their own sake will give you the opportunity to "just bump into" someone who shares at least one of your passions. While it is true that enriching your personal or professional life will provide additional venues in which you may meet the man of your dreams, ultimately you will still have to rely on "just running into the right person".

Meanwhile, I hope the pain that you are currently experiencing will ease up soon...