"Appropriate our Parents"

Tiassa

Let us not launch the boat ...
Valued Senior Member
Appropriate our Parents (The Stranger)

I was looking around for The Stranger's 2003 Sex Survey because I found the old 2000 Survey article buried in some bookmarks imported from IE. Haven't found it yet.

At any rate, I came across this hilarious article called "Appropriate our Parents!", written by a man obsessed with his own homosexuality (The Stranger is great for that kind of stuff ... you should see their advertisers).

At any rate, from the topic article:
Straight people have the gift of default sexuality and never have to spell it out to their parents. Make no mistake, Will & Grace be damned, gay people still have to spell it out: I have a friend in her 30s who, while uncomfortable broaching the issue directly, wears no makeup and a Utilikilt--that's a kilt crossed with a utility belt--and her parents, against all evidence, still set her up with men. Similarly, I did so much high-school and community theater that by the time I'd turned 17 I'd been in three separate productions of The Music Man. And my parents were shocked when I told them.

Not only did they not realize I was gay before I told them, but they refused to believe it--or accept it--after I told them. Such denial is insistent, illogical, dull-headed, and tedious, and it is commonplace among parents of us gays. It explains why, a year after I thought I had made myself clear, I found myself having the aforementioned conversation with my dad about how fun it is to fuck the ladies with our big Frizzelle family dicks. That day he left me no choice but to articulate, in no uncertain terms, just how fun it is to fuck the guys. If ever there was a chance for us to be close, I ruined it that afternoon; I'm fairly certain there's only one thought that occurs to him when he looks at me now: Buttf***er! Buttf***er! Buttf***er!

My mother, for her part, refuses to accept my sexuality because that's what her Lord Our Savior demands. I have three straight brothers who, while also having to deal with my mother's piousness, never have to be the subject of her overwhelming grief. They have never received packages of material from my mom about how to become an "ex-gay." They have never experienced the embarrassment I suffered when, a few years ago on a trip to Seattle, during a ride on the Bainbridge Island ferry, my mom burst into tears because she was convinced I was dying of AIDS. (I had lost some weight.) Moreover, it is not uncommon for holiday family gatherings to devolve into something that resembles my own funeral. My brothers and I were trimming the tree a few Christmases ago when my mom began to cry about how much she was going to miss me when she got to heaven. She was inconsolable.
Two obvious notes:

(1) The article deals with adult themes and contains adult language
(2) The article is supposed to be humorous enough to be fun to read ...

Of that second note, it's just that some people actually feel threatened by these things.

Toward the end, though, the author is presumptuous: "Straight people's sexuality does not exist between them and their parents as an uncomfortable divide."

Oh, it does. But the point is still well-taken. I think I understand what the author is referring to. But that's why the article is supposed to be taken with a grain of salt. (Seriously, people believed that "The Gay Agenda" was a real and serious article, and all because one Congressman intentionally left out the first paragraph of the article when furiously reading it into the Congressional Record. An amazing moment, to be sure.)

Above all, have fun.

:m:,
Tiassa :cool:
 
Originally posted by tiassa
Toward the end, though, the author is presumptuous: "Straight people's sexuality does not exist between them and their parents as an uncomfortable divide."

I think it does in a certain way. Being heterosexual has exposed me to pressures and expectations that being homosexual would have exempted my from; the most annoying of which is the constantly asked question, "When are you going to get married and give us some grandchildren/great-grandchildren/etc.?"
 
Well ....

But if you ask any gay folk you know, they'll tell you that they hear about grandchildren, too.

Picture this: Christmas Day, the sun is shining on a sloggy golf course that only insane people like my family would play on Christmas.

Around the fourth green, my mother and I are talking about ... something. I think she's telling me about my cousin's child. And she starts in about when my brother or I think we'll find someone and give her a grandchild. It was unexpected that she start up then, and everyone knows she didn't like my partner (who would eventually bear my daughter).

But she goes on to talk about how she wouldn't be offended if either my brother or I were gay, and started talking about how, since we were adopted, and how there are agencies for gay couples who want to adopt, and all manner of opportunity for me to come out of the closet right then.

I have no idea what set her off. I have no idea where the gay issue came from, either. It was an amazing moment.

But I do know that "grandchildren" came up when a good friend of mine came out. As well as the guilt and crap that the article referred to.

But even more than grandchildren, I know that heterosexual people take heat from their parents, and that sex is a ... difficult issue. Most people I know cringe at the thought of their parents having sex. Most people, when they hear their Dad is taking Viagra, say that they really didn't want to know. But my cousins took heat from my aunt for being sinful; my mother freaked the couple of times she caught me fooling around (my high-school girlfriend's little sister took it better than my mother, and she even got to ask, "What's that on your shirt?"; we still, quite obviously, laugh about that one).

But my mother was so weird, when my brother or I brought girlfriends home from college, that neither one of us cared if we got any. It was just ... creepy.

(Watching my brother's freshly-shagged girlfriend stumble into the kitchen one morning, and completely miss the skillet with an egg ... you had to be there.)

But I was just making my nod to critical reading, essentially. I think the author is presumptuous outside the comedy-routine he's running, and if I give Seinfeld fans crap for that degree of presumption, then I am obliged to give it here ... er ... yeah. You know, trying to be fair, or something.

Actually, there is a question. I know Portland, Oregon has a paper like The Stranger. How common are the ... let's call them "gay rags" for the moment ...? Because despite its penchant for this kind of column, The Stranger remains one of, if not the most credible newspaper in Seattle. Whenever you see an "unusual" news story on the local circuit around here (e.g. particularly leftist but legitimate) you can be sure that the only reason anyone's paying attention is that The Stranger pointed it out.

:m:,
Tiassa :cool:
 
<i>"Oh, it does. But the point is still well-taken. I think I understand what the author is referring to. But that's why the article is supposed to be taken with a grain of salt. (Seriously, people believed that "The Gay Agenda" was a real and serious article, and all because one Congressman intentionally left out the first paragraph of the article when furiously reading it into the Congressional Record. An amazing moment, to be sure.)"</i>

The first paragraph? You are talking about the editors contribution...the excuse. No, no, no...I'm not gonna let myself be drawn into this mix again.
 
I'm fairly certain there's only one thought that occurs to him when he looks at me now:...
I once knew a guy who was bisexual and he had been in proper, steady relationships with guys before. He was drunk when his dad picked him up in his car, one new years eve, and on the way back he turned to him and said "I bet I've done something you haven't dad" and his father replied "Oh I don't doubt it son". :D
 
My brothers and I were trimming the tree a few Christmases ago when my mom began to cry about how much she was going to miss me when she got to heaven. She was inconsolable

It shows that the mother actually cares more about a, possibly, false institution than she cares for her own offspring. Religious people make me laugh.
 
Re: Well ....

Originally posted by tiassa
Actually, there is a question. I know Portland, Oregon has a paper like The Stranger. How common are the ... let's call them "gay rags" for the moment ...? Because despite its penchant for this kind of column, The Stranger remains one of, if not the most credible newspaper in Seattle. Whenever you see an "unusual" news story on the local circuit around here (e.g. particularly leftist but legitimate) you can be sure that the only reason anyone's paying attention is that The Stranger pointed it out.
:m:,
Tiassa :cool:

well here in the sf bay area, the "gay rags" as you call them are pretty common.. considering we have a large gay/bi/trans community here.. and the gay newspapers are pretty credible

by the way.. talk about pressure? try being bisexual (well, try it if you really want to :p people always trying to figure you out, classify you, tell you you're in denial
 
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