Carcano
Valued Senior Member
Ah, but your molecules arent conscious...and cant appreciate the beautiful.
the destructive instinct
- Thread starter allisone417
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Lifes a bitch, then you marry one , then you die. 
Who cares? I appreciate it. I don't want to live forever. And it's a poetic end to my life. I really appreciate the universe for giving me such a poetic ending...
No, I haven't offed myself yet. I've cycled a few more times, and right now I'm doing generally ok. Oh and heres a shocker - Ever since I stopped taking my happy pills every morning 2 weeks ago, I feel better. A lot better. I can actually sleep now, and I dont feel so suicidal when I hit the troughs. So fuck western medicine, fuck panacea pills, I'm going back to reading tolstoy and tolkien, writing, and Imma save up my 3 month store of prozac for future experiments.
First off, I sincerly apologize for putting this in the general science section, and I'm going to tell you why: the last time (a few months ago) I'd been here the first board was Free Thoughts, and I didnt immidiatly absorb the new layout, supposingly because I was generally upset...anyway....
I do go over old posts when I feel like shit, even notes that I write to myself, and I dont understand them. Thats the whole problem. It seems to be a purely passionate state where logic and reason have no bearing. I asked for scientific analysis, philosophy, etc. Something that I haven't heard before.
I think I will start writing, poetry and short stories and the like. Its nice to know even those who have complete anonymity here can still show they care and not laugh, hand me some potassium cyanide in water and show me the door.
Btw, I really think I would rather live sometime in the past before society became economic and independant....The fact that we no longer have interdependant, tribal group dynamics and the defined, appreciated social roles wherein is dissapointing once I realized thats pretty much what the fuck is wrong with everything now.
Thanks for the conversing, gentlemen.
First off, I sincerly apologize for putting this in the general science section, and I'm going to tell you why: the last time (a few months ago) I'd been here the first board was Free Thoughts, and I didnt immidiatly absorb the new layout, supposingly because I was generally upset...anyway....
I do go over old posts when I feel like shit, even notes that I write to myself, and I dont understand them. Thats the whole problem. It seems to be a purely passionate state where logic and reason have no bearing. I asked for scientific analysis, philosophy, etc. Something that I haven't heard before.
I think I will start writing, poetry and short stories and the like. Its nice to know even those who have complete anonymity here can still show they care and not laugh, hand me some potassium cyanide in water and show me the door.
Btw, I really think I would rather live sometime in the past before society became economic and independant....The fact that we no longer have interdependant, tribal group dynamics and the defined, appreciated social roles wherein is dissapointing once I realized thats pretty much what the fuck is wrong with everything now.
Thanks for the conversing, gentlemen.
Me too. I think its just after we've appreciated beauty, you know, transended the pitiful lives we were fated into in this world, that death stops being frightening. I wanted (/still want) to die in the ocean at night, under the stars. From one black, beautiful, seemingly infinite void of space and time to the next. It really is poetic, and death is no longer something for me to worry about. And now I can atually live. Isn't that something??
Oh! You were on antidepressants too,eh?
My wife almost offed herself when she was on Effexor... :bugeye:
So what was yours? Let me guess... PROZAC!
Yes, precisely.
Enmos
Valued Senior Member
Well in the bigger scheme of things life IS pretty meaningless (theists dont read this lol), but why does that keep you from being happy ?
Anyways, 'looking forward to nonexistance' is pretty much anything you can do with it as you wont be experiencing any relief from killing yourself -- you are gone...
I know life can be difficult and that suicide can seem pretty tempting at times, but if you think about it killing yourself really is pointless. You just have to keep holding on, even if it sucks badly to do so...
Anyways, 'looking forward to nonexistance' is pretty much anything you can do with it as you wont be experiencing any relief from killing yourself -- you are gone...
I know life can be difficult and that suicide can seem pretty tempting at times, but if you think about it killing yourself really is pointless. You just have to keep holding on, even if it sucks badly to do so...
Fraggle Rocker
Staff member
There was one African tribe of nomads. When a person got too old and slow to keep up with the rest, they'd give him an ostrich egg full of water (that's rather a lot of water) and he'd just go off and sit under a tree and enjoy the scenery.
I'm not quite that dramatic, but I absolutely do not want to die in a hospital hooked up to machinery. Not recognizing my loved ones or perhaps even myself. Wasting half of their inheritance on futile medical procedures. Their last memory of me being totally devoid of dignity.
Hopefully I've got another 20 or 25 years to go. By then the aging Baby Boomers and AARP will have browbeat Congress into rationalizing the laws about recreational drugs and euthanasia.
Who said it is meaningless? On the contrary. It couldn't be more meaningful, because it is meaningless.
Enmos
Valued Senior Member
Only a couple of years ago, a good friend said almost exactly that same thing to me. After a "unexpected" stroke, he's now a vegetable in a nursing home.
Fraggle, there's usually nothing you can do once something like that happens to ya'. If you're truly serious about it, then you'll "check out" while you still have all of your faculties to do it. Otherwise, .....?
Baron Max
Carcano
Valued Senior Member
Yes, conscious sentient people should have the right to BOTH life and death.
Carcano
Valued Senior Member
Well its the easiest thing to just op out..move to the third world, or a hippie commune and discover...
instant bliss and contentment???
No kiddin'
The bubble has burst once more.
See, there really is no explaining this...I understand everything said above, even the things I said, but I dont feel it. I still feel this horrible, desperate pain somewhere inside, that ebbs and flows over days. Its like the tide, and when its high I can't stand it anymore, its like all thought is just pushed out of my brain by this mass of darkness and the only thing that makes me feel anything is further advancing my suicidal plans, thinking about putting them into action and putting my affairs in order. Every so often, maybe twice a year, it gets bad enough that I actually try to go through with it. Sometimes someone is there, and usually I open up and spill everything to that person, and while they pull me out of it, it essentially ruins the relationship/friendship. It has happened 3 times, with 3 people I loved, who no longer love me.
And since I cant find another cause for it, I cant help thinking It must be chemical...but I hate to say that what I'm feeling isn't me, but a few missing neurotransmitters...are my thoughts not my own? but thats a whole nother subject.
Right now, all I want to do is find some where I can buy some KCN, or figure out another household poison that will do the job. I dont want to be in a lot of pain, which is why potassium cyanide is really the best way to go, since it is very quick and painless, like a coma where your heart just stops beating. When the pain is too great, I think of skipping the ocean at night and just putting some rocks in my pockets and walking into the pool woolf-style. I dont know why I haven't done it yet. Either I can't get past this goddamn Id and the survival mechanisms, or I have some hope, or both. Use this argument, but I'm still in so much pain you can shout at me every word of hope and wisdom in this shitty world and I would go right through me, completely meaningless. I would stare right through you. My brain is trying to kill me. How can I escape when it is inside me? Sometimes i dont want to escape, I just want to be out, I want to see what death is really like, its like a door and everything behind me doesnt matter and every curious molecule in my body is screaming forward! Into the poetic darkness. All the romantic notions, those are what I feel now. It is so comforting, knowing there is an escape, and even one as glorious as death! I walk into the unknown, unafraid! Everyone has gone, and everyone will. It will unite them with you, you who are so lonely. It is very comforting to know we all go to the same place. I go to the place I was before I was born. I go to the stars.
See, there really is no explaining this...I understand everything said above, even the things I said, but I dont feel it. I still feel this horrible, desperate pain somewhere inside, that ebbs and flows over days. Its like the tide, and when its high I can't stand it anymore, its like all thought is just pushed out of my brain by this mass of darkness and the only thing that makes me feel anything is further advancing my suicidal plans, thinking about putting them into action and putting my affairs in order. Every so often, maybe twice a year, it gets bad enough that I actually try to go through with it. Sometimes someone is there, and usually I open up and spill everything to that person, and while they pull me out of it, it essentially ruins the relationship/friendship. It has happened 3 times, with 3 people I loved, who no longer love me.
And since I cant find another cause for it, I cant help thinking It must be chemical...but I hate to say that what I'm feeling isn't me, but a few missing neurotransmitters...are my thoughts not my own? but thats a whole nother subject.
Right now, all I want to do is find some where I can buy some KCN, or figure out another household poison that will do the job. I dont want to be in a lot of pain, which is why potassium cyanide is really the best way to go, since it is very quick and painless, like a coma where your heart just stops beating. When the pain is too great, I think of skipping the ocean at night and just putting some rocks in my pockets and walking into the pool woolf-style. I dont know why I haven't done it yet. Either I can't get past this goddamn Id and the survival mechanisms, or I have some hope, or both. Use this argument, but I'm still in so much pain you can shout at me every word of hope and wisdom in this shitty world and I would go right through me, completely meaningless. I would stare right through you. My brain is trying to kill me. How can I escape when it is inside me? Sometimes i dont want to escape, I just want to be out, I want to see what death is really like, its like a door and everything behind me doesnt matter and every curious molecule in my body is screaming forward! Into the poetic darkness. All the romantic notions, those are what I feel now. It is so comforting, knowing there is an escape, and even one as glorious as death! I walk into the unknown, unafraid! Everyone has gone, and everyone will. It will unite them with you, you who are so lonely. It is very comforting to know we all go to the same place. I go to the place I was before I was born. I go to the stars.
Carcano
Valued Senior Member
You obviously dont want to be saved.
You realize now thats it just a bipolar chemical imbalance...there being no other apparent cause, and youve already received the best advice you'll ever get on an internet board.
And yet you continue to wallow in narcissistic romanticism...instead of doing something about it.
Enmos
Valued Senior Member
...is this a joke ?
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