If you allowed yourself to get out of control in a heated argument and struck your significant other?
I haven't but if I ever did, I doubt I'd ever forgive myself.
The possibility of me doing it again would actually probably prompt me to get a divorce...for quarantine purposes.
I'd never feel I was fit material for a relationship after that.

I have a bad temper, so this is something I worry about.

If you allowed yourself to get out of control in a heated argument and struck your significant other?


You know your anger. If you ever get that angry, walk out. Even in the middle of an argument where you feel like you are at exploding point. Walk out. Go for a run or a walk. And keep walking until you are too tired to feel that angry again.

And speak to someone about it.


I have a bad temper, so this is something I worry about.
You have a bad temper, but you have never done it.

So you know your limit.

If you are worried about it, talk to your wife and discuss your fear with her. Explain to her that it scares you and possibly discuss a safe word if she ever feels threatened by your temper. And if she says it, your reaction is to leave and go for a walk. Work with her and speak to someone about it. :shrug:

We're in couple's counseling, I'll bring it up there. We are getting better.
No, I've never done it. What if I do though? Self-forgiveness would not be justifiable.

No, I've never done it. What if I do though? Self-forgiveness would not be justifiable.
You're harsher on yourself than you are on others.

What would you do if the situation were reversed?
A really heated argument and she hit you?
Would you ever be able to forgive her?

Is it really ever worth it to be that angry if not to physically defend yourself or someone else?

I've had rage issues too and being with my husband cured me. First because he won't tolerate or perpetuate it. Second because I know from plenty of experience it only makes things worse.

If it really sinks in that the behavior is only detrimental and you stand to ruin something you value, it shouldn't take long to recondition yourself.

Which is more valuable to you, your rage or your relationship?

We're in couple's counseling, I'll bring it up there. We are getting better.
No, I've never done it. What if I do though? Self-forgiveness would not be justifiable.

Me trick Chimpkin . You know ! it defuses situations . If it don't you can always just blow up . I swear by it . I am a control freak by nature and new realms of possibilities opened up when I learn to harness the trick . I have not found a soul in 3 years now that is not susceptible to the trick. Oh what fucking power it is to have on your tool belt . God alive anyway . Shit I am one lucky person in this regard. O.K. my advise . when she is doing something that is really pissing you off , right at that moment try the trick on her . You might be a believer in the trick if you try it. I tell you I get super natural results from it .

It is not a delusion sucker fishes

What's the trick?

Would you ever be able to forgive her?

Well, yeah.
Hmm.

I think it's more someone's job to control themselves, and that failure to do that is a serious moral failure.
So it seems appropriate to be much harder on myself than I am on anyone else. I have to mind myself, not them.
Does that make sense?

Well, yeah.
Hmm.

I think it's more someone's job to control themselves, and that failure to do that is a serious moral failure.
So it seems appropriate to be much harder on myself than I am on anyone else. I have to mind myself, not them.
Does that make sense?
Yes it does make sense. To a point.
You'd forgive them one lapse, but not yourself...
You expect YOU to be perfect but you'll accept less-than-perfection in others.

Simple thing to remember is you have no right to strike\hit\harm another person. I can take a push or maybe a slap from someone not very strong and may overlook it ONE time but more than that and i walk.

Simple thing to remember is you have no right to strike\hit\harm another person.

No, I don't. I'm just afraid I'd get out of control and do it.

I don't even believe in corporal punishment for kids.
It means you get to find different ways of making them miserable for breaking rules.

But if I adopt, I'm sure it'll give me a creative outlet.
Not that I'm prepared to be terribly strict...I just want coursework done and no legal trouble.
I don't care what they wear, what they pierce or how pottymouthed they are.

If you allowed yourself to get out of control in a heated argument and struck your significant other?
I haven't but if I ever did, I doubt I'd ever forgive myself.
The possibility of me doing it again would actually probably prompt me to get a divorce...for quarantine purposes.

Sounds like you are creating your own personal "get out of jail free card".

You are setting up a situation, which you have total control over, that if you decide to use, you've already declared that you would leave her and do so for her own good.

You might want to consider why you are even considering this.

Arthur

Well, yeah.
Hmm.

I think it's more someone's job to control themselves, and that failure to do that is a serious moral failure.
So it seems appropriate to be much harder on myself than I am on anyone else. I have to mind myself, not them.
Does that make sense?

You can change your evil ways and then you can forgive your self . All is good then . Or you can adjust what you think is bad by justification like Al Capone did. Oh yeah he was bad guy ! He didn't think he was . I try to learn from my actions . It is hard to brake conditioning . Harder than a shrink might think .
Now that sounds like a song lyric " Like a shrink might think"

What's the trick?

It is a salesman trick to gain trust in the customer . It washes the stress from your face when you are talking to someone . I thought I told you this Lori ? My bad if you did not receive it . So what you do is when you are talking to someone and you want to be persuasive you say to your self about the person you are talking to " I love you " That instantly changes your face from stress to joyful playfulness expressions . The other person reacts to the change of nature in your new body language you are putting off . The wrinkles and stress lines in your face let down and the person feels at ease around you more willingly than if you don't do it . When I learned the trick I could not believe the change in my magnetism from using it . Unbelievable .
Most people that I tell the trick to get all defensive and say , but if I don't feel that way how could I ever do that . Fuck it is not about what you feel , it is about what you told your self to feel by saying it to your self . Belief has nothing to do with it . Loving the other person has nothing to do with it . It is like when some one yawns other people yawn by the suggestion of there yawn . It is extremely powerful . By doing it you can be the receiver of other peoples good will instead of being the victim of being a good will giver that people take from . It is a tool

No, I don't. I'm just afraid I'd get out of control and do it.


That is true for anyone or i would think everyone. There is also the fact that it is emotionally damaging when it involves peole who love each other and of course this can hurt more than the physical pain. Best thing is to just keep it out of your relationship. Anger is a natural feeling and even as infants the natural tendency to use your hands for everything is very obvious.

I have gotten so angry a few times and ended up punching a wall which actually released the anger. That happened around 3 or 4 times so not so bad. Luckily the wall was easy to break.

You have to convince yourself that it will not be part of your relationships and that goes both ways...to some extent. Men have to control this more than females for the simple reason that much more damage can usually be done afa injuries. I would accept it once from a female in a relationship but i would tell her dont ever do it again.

Even for physically fighting outside a relationship i never found a reason where i wanted to or need to. And nothing good comes from it. If i win i never looked at it as an accomplishment and there is a chance i could end up in jail.


I don't even believe in corporal punishment for kids.
It means you get to find different ways of making them miserable for breaking rules.

But if I adopt, I'm sure it'll give me a creative outlet.
Not that I'm prepared to be terribly strict...I just want coursework done and no legal trouble.
I don't care what they wear, what they pierce or how pottymouthed they are.

My parents were very liberal afa parenting and in many ways they should have shown more of an interest in that area except my mother cared about what i wore afa looking really bad. You have to show kids the basics though. How they dress can be important.

O.K. let Me give you my latest real life example . Today real life example . I am helping Maria ( Hot brown eyed girl that would take bullet for me literally, she would jump in front of the bullet before I could stop her ) so we are picking out a cabinet at Lowes for her bathroom. Jeff is there . That is Mary the girl I play music with in the band Luna Blue , It is her significant other . Now I know he was up tight about Me spending so much time with his woman when he is no ware around . You can imagine the things we would conjure up in his head . Especially sense Mary Makes no bones about loving Me . So the instant I meet Jeff face to face I do the trick . I put my self in the subservient roll to Jeff at the same time I do the trick . Hey all O.K. Jeff now turst Me being around his woman cause he can feel that I love him just as much as I love his woman .
So back to Lowes. He works there and Maria and I walk up to him while he is talking to another salesperson in the store . A fucking drop dead gorgeous blond beautiful well busted fucking goddess out of my league fucking jack off on the spot like a flasher out of control woman . So I do the trick and everyone in the circle jerk is feeling good and Jeff says to the new personality ( The Blond ) How Great I am and in so many word tells her he would take a bullet for me . Fuck go get it done Girl jumps into action , runs around the store like chicken with out a head gathering samples and showing display like you have ever seen . Not typical of a Lowes employee that blows you off or gives you bogus info of a slacker . I can tell first hand why she is motivated . It was the trust factor embellished by the trick. I didn't know these people when we first met . I took the leap of faith they would react to my trick and follow suit by the good vibration of my internal projection through the change of my body language. Powerful yes indeed for most people just want to be included . If they are they will take a bullet for you . They will alter there actions based on how you feel . You put up a defensive wall and that is what you will get . The trick brakes the walls down . Mary even said it at one point in our relationship . She said " For some reason I can't put up my wall of defense with you . I don't know why I fell like I can tell you anything . It is all about the trust factor and the trick gives the illusion of trust right off the bat and then the conversation develops from this mind set that you have established at the start by using the trick . The tone setter that you have control of

Sounds like you are creating your own personal "get out of jail free card".

You are setting up a situation, which you have total control over, that if you decide to use, you've already declared that you would leave her and do so for her own good.

You might want to consider why you are even considering this.


Ok.
Hmm.

This is getting more personal than I had intended...I had rather figured other people might talk about how they relate to their own bad behavior, how they go about dealing with themselves afterward...


John99 said:
I have gotten so angry a few times and ended up punching a wall which actually released the anger.

Yeah...I learned the proper way to repair sheetrock a few years ago. Before that love was a many-spackled thing...

Oh, don't punch brick. Results are leaky.

Ok.
Hmm.

This is getting more personal than I had intended...I had rather figured other people might talk about how they relate to their own bad behavior, how they go about dealing with themselves afterward...



Yeah...I learned the proper way to repair sheetrock a few years ago. Before that love was a many-spackled thing...

Oh, don't punch brick. Results are leaky.

Oh you are funny in a good way . I forgive my self and then work on changing my self . That is how I deal . I like my self better when I am successful . It is fucking hard too do . There is a point of achievement and letting go of the past becomes prevalent. Like I seen you say before " Not by forgetting the past but by remembering the past . Analysis of the results of the past and the burning desire for a different outcome is a motivating force on its own . I can see your development from the things you have said Chimpkin . Awareness of your actions run deep in you . Just to have concern is a monumental achievement . One that so many people will never reach in there life time when they die bitter to world . I can repair sheet rock better than you though . Cause I been repairing other peoples sheet rock for fucken ever . Master sheet rock repairer like it never happened and it don't matter what kind of texture is on the wall cause I did em all good and long . Machine texture is my Favorite . It is loud and vibrates even the floor when the machine is running but the results are absolutely beautiful

I forgive my self and then work on changing my self
I don't forgive myself.
:confused:
How do you do that?
Feels like an abdication of responsibility.

first question..

Have you ever hit anyone, when you have felt that way?

second,
anger does not exist by itself, fear(wonder how this plays in your fear of 'going off'?),frustration(she just doesn't understand!),sadness,loss (i still say 'guilt' belongs there also) at least one needs to be true to be angry.

i have had probs with the frustration one..i didn't understand i had a problem until we got into the meth..(been there,done with that)..i lost a good thing.
(actually that is where i learned the fear,frustration thing..in counseling..)

walk away.she ain't worth hitting.

i have talked to cops, all she has to do is tell them you hit her and your in jail..does not matter if you did or didn't..which putting a hole in the wall is just evidence of..

go hit a tree if you got to hit something, better make sure the only one who gets hurt is you.
maybe if you hit it hard enough you will figure out not to hit anything..:shrug:

Have you ever hit anyone, when you have felt that way?

Not other people.

go hit a tree if you got to hit something, better make sure the only one who gets hurt is you.

Hmm...trees. Good thought.

You expect YOU to be perfect but you'll accept less-than-perfection in others.

This is my impression too.



Sounds like you are creating your own personal "get out of jail free card".

You are setting up a situation, which you have total control over, that if you decide to use, you've already declared that you would leave her and do so for her own good.

You might want to consider why you are even considering this.

Agreed.

No, I don't. I'm just afraid I'd get out of control and do it.

I've read that Tolstoy wanted to hit people for disagreeing with him ...


I think hitting someone is usually an act of self-defense.
It's just that the one one is trying to defend oneself from isn't necessarily present in person, but in the form of a memory.

I've noticed, for example, that I often feel provoked, like a victim around some people, especially those opposing me. It took me a while to notice that the situations were reminding me of earlier situations with some friends (" ") who tended to side with those who wronged me. And so I have been reliving this betrayal everytime anyone opposed me. I was bringing in past relationships into current ones. Very painful.

Now, as I notice that that old dynamics is in place and I am being lead by old relationships or by people who are not present, it is easier to let go of a fight.

(There's more, but I'm not telling.)



I don't even believe in corporal punishment for kids.

I think corporal punishment is in place and effective, as long as it is the social norm in the society you live in and is done without anger or resentment.

It is important to understand that anything can be forgiven, but not everything can be reconciled.

Reconciliation, Right & Wrong (http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/thanissaro/reconciliation.html)

Not other people.


then it is not a justified fear. your making more of it than it is..

I was an angry kid . Mainly cause I had no friends and no body liked Me . So I would throw things and brake things . I am not sure how I got over it . One thing was I did realize it was not improving the situation as more and more frustrations from frailer persisted. Depression would set in and I would stare at the other kids playing and having fun . After a while I would pick my self up and give it the good old try . I just held on to the idea of odds . Were as if you keep swinging then the power of odds say at some point you got to win . To win I realized to erase my own stereo typing of my self I would have to mitigate my anger from the world deeming Me loser. It was very difficult cause I blamed everyone . Parents, kid , teachers , you name it . It didn't help when other kids Parents would say stay away from that kid , he is trouble . Fuck nuts wad I ever do to them . It was not til 2008 that Me final points stages of anger fled the spirit . I don't know something Lauren said . It was a poem I believe . About self doubt being the devil of mankind . It withered away after reading that poem . Funny it was right when the economy was in the throws of devastation . Right when anger should have been steaming out my very pours . I just can't seem to muster up true anger anymore . It just don't seem worth it . For my own state of health and others . I can still get mad and express my self about a situation , but it is not the same as that eternal gnawing at your gut that lead to my old days of depression . 2008 I gave it up for my new state of mind. It took about 6 months to purge depression. Music helped a lot. Music can heal the hurts . I believe in the song The minor 3rd the major 3rd the flat 9 flat 7 . Magic chords of music heal hurt . I believe that

If you allowed yourself to get out of control in a heated argument and struck your significant other?I've never hit anyone in my life so I'm probably not going to start doing it in my 60s. But one of the things I have consistently noticed is that when I do something I'm not proud of, I remember how it feels afterwards, and it makes me less likely to do it again.

When we got our first dog I spanked him on the butt a few times. That's a grey area when it comes to condeming "violence" because after all dogs can't talk and they often communicate with each other by force. How else can you get their attention? But I just didn't like the way I felt afterward and eventually stopped. That dog died in 1989 and I haven't done it to any of the myriad dogs we've had since.

I would suspect that at least some people would have the same reaction to facing the fact that they hit a human being, especially one they love. It might be such a horrible thing to live with that they could never bring themselves to doing it again, no matter how angry they get.
I have a bad temper, so this is something I worry about.But it's possible to express that temper in other ways which ultimately are more satisfying. Learn to communicate better. When someone or something makes you angry, just yell about it using a rich and precise vocabulary, and tell people in excruciating detail what you're going to do if it ever happens again.

Our species has the unique gift of language. We don't have to hit each other. We can hurt each other better with words. ;)

And remember, when you're angry, more often than not the person you're angry at is yourself. Don't take it out on somebody else just because they happen to be there.

I have a punching bag in the garage. It's a wonderful tool for working out frustration.