Your best poop?

Discussion in 'The Cesspool' started by Roman, Dec 1, 2005.

  1. Roman Banned Banned

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    11,560
    What was your best poop? What was your most outrageous/out of place poop?

    I think my best poop was going in a pit in the Indonesian rainforest (about 5 feet deep with a board over it to squat on) and watching the dung beetles rolling my feces away.

    Our pipes froze, once, because it got cold, too fast, before adequate snow cover. That meant no running water. That meant our toilet didn't work.

    So we pooped on newspaper in the garage and pissed in a tin can.

    Did you know poop steams a lot in subzero temperatures?

    After the, ah, the deed was done, the newspaper was wrapped up, offending articles included, and put in a grocery bag. Which was then kept in frozen in the front yard until trash day.

    I also tried to go down a chimney (it was in the woods and there wasn't a house atttached. the damn thing was pulling apart as I climbed it, too), but sitting on the 40 degree stones really prevented anything from happening. So after peeing a little, I just climbed down. That my almost really outrageous pooping experience.

    Has anyone ever pooped on anyone? I haven't. Yet.
     
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  3. Satyr Banned Banned

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    I think you should revise your list of where you took your best ….”poop”.

    This thread seems to be your best one so far.

    Congratulations.
    I only hope to reach your level of poop production.
     
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  5. john smith Tongue in cheek Registered Senior Member

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    Probably when i was first at my girlfriends , i did this amazing 5 incher, and the bastard would not flush!!, i got it down after much panicking, and half an hour of back braking 'scrubbing'

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  7. Roman Banned Banned

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    My you're predictable.
     
  8. Xerxes asdfghjkl Valued Senior Member

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    Once, as a child when my grandmother was babysitting us, I brought out a portable training potty into the living and took a dump while she was watching 'the young and the restless'. Needless to say, she was majorly pissed off...
     
  9. invert_nexus Ze do caixao Valued Senior Member

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    Wow.
    Now this is odd.
    I was just thinking this morning about posting a thread about poop.
    Not exactly your topic though. Not about my own poop at all. But my nephew's poop. The kid's got to be like 12 or something, but I am constantly amazed at the sheer size of this kid's turds. I mean they're HUGE. It really boggles the mind that such a huge turd comes out of such a small kid (he's small for his age even.)

    Anyway. I woke up this morning to a floater in the toilet. (Somehow, he managed to actually get the turd on top of the toilet paper. I won't pretend to understand it.) And this was another huge one. Just one. One huge turd. Floating on top of tons of toilet paper.

    And I thought to myself. Is it possible that your largest turds in your lifetime are actually when you're a kid and your intestines are free and easy? Without years of impacted feces clogging the pipes (I heard that John Wayne died with 70 lbs of impacted feces in his colon... (Which is apparently an urban legend, by the way.)

    Anyway. Urban legend or not. Is it possible that your turds decrease in size as you get older? I remember a time or two catching some grandma turds in the toilet as a kid. They reminded me of rabbit pellets. Little tiny bastards.

    So. I wonder. Is my memory of my turd size valid? Is it possible that when I was younger I too shit out turds that now seem to be representative of some Andre the Giant shitter?

    Hmmm.

    Anyway.
    Best poops?
    I shit down my leg once when I had food poisoning. That wasn't as good as the projectile vomiting though.
    And bile.
    Yum.

    Heh. Every time I catch one of my nephew's turds in the bowl, it takes mucho flushes to get that bad boy down the drain. It's almost funny. Watching it struggle to not be flushed.

    Diameter or radius?
    Muaha!
     
  10. Facial Valued Senior Member

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    2,217
    5 inches... now that's impressive. I'm not sure if I even had one that large (in terms of diameter).

    Yet still, constipation feels sorta good because you get to exercise your retentiveness.
     
  11. domesticated om Interplanetary homesteader Valued Senior Member

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    The most interesting poop I had was actually in a series (a few poops over a couple of weeks). I noticed that my poop looked normal in size and consistency, but was an un-natural bright green color.
    I originally thought there was something wrong with me, but I was too scared to go to the doctor and confirm it. I decided to rely on the guy methodolgy for solving problems (if I gave it enough time, it would go away on its own).

    It didn't go away, so then I started to panic, and began to think of all the things that could possibly cause this. I thought abnout all of the things I could be eating--- and finally realized that the only change in my diet was me buying blue fruit punch the last time I went to the grocery store.

    I put it to the test--- I stopped drinking it, and sure enough, it went away. I started drinking it, and it came back.

    Soooo... moral of the story: If you want to turn your poop a really cool looking bright green color, start drinking blue kool aid.
     
  12. James R Just this guy, you know? Staff Member

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    Roman, your wish is granted.

    Where else could this thread end up, other than in the Cesspool?
     
  13. TheAlphaWolf Registered Senior Member

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    roflmao what a digusting topic.
    *cough* I used to have huge turds, now i don't.
    the craziest one i've ever had... one was super extra long... about a foot long... it was LONG i'm telling you.
     
  14. domesticated om Interplanetary homesteader Valued Senior Member

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    Alpha, you sound like Captain Ahab or something lol
     
  15. allisone417 i'll be in my room Registered Senior Member

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    thank you nexus, i haven't laughed that freely in a loooong time.

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  16. allisone417 i'll be in my room Registered Senior Member

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    when im old and having open heart surgery, I'll remember that post and wake up and laugh so hard my guts will fling onto everyone.
     
  17. kenworth dude...**** it,lets go bowling Registered Senior Member

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    ive been told that when i was about 3-4 i did a poo and then tried to bring it to the dinner table to put on my plate,my mum said no and then next night i did it again.then i was wooden spooned and it stopped.

    most satisfying shit: only about a week ago actually,absolutely massive but no wipeage necessary.i wish it was socially acceptable to high five good poos.
     
  18. TheAlphaWolf Registered Senior Member

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    never read moby dick... I probably should. is that good or bad?
    ewww... I hope you found no wipeage was necessary by wiping yourself.
    I definately ALWAYS (ok ok, maybe with the exception of being out in the desert where the only thing to wipe yourself with is a prickly pear) wipe myself... and wipe it well.
     
  19. Roman Banned Banned

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    Do you guys do the wipe 'n look?

    I hate having to pull shit out of my asshairs.
     
  20. domesticated om Interplanetary homesteader Valued Senior Member

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    3,231

    Nah. It's optional.
    Actually, by saying that your post reminded me of Captain Ahab, what I meant was that I read your post, and it reminded me of an old sea salt telling a fish story.

    This image jumped into my head of the guy standing in a bar somewhere with a hook arm, smoking a pipe, and drinking a bottle of rum
    "It was the longest turd I ever seen I tell ye! A full 12 inches it were! Took me arm it did!"
     
  21. kenworth dude...**** it,lets go bowling Registered Senior Member

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    yeah i checked,youve got to check.i had a good feeling before i did tho and when i was right it was like christmas.
     
  22. thecollage Registered Senior Member

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    431
    blasted bowl spackle

    i just came home and blasted the bowl with brown spackle. anyone ever have fun like this for free or better.

    wow.
     
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    I just thought I should take this opportunity to share that with you all and perhaps, later, we can all try it for ourselves at home.
     

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