You Just Broke Your Child

Discussion in 'Human Science' started by Kittamaru, May 23, 2014.

  1. Kittamaru Now nearly 40 pounds lighter. Staff Member

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    http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/you-just-broke-your-child.html
    My father was just like this... he wanted control, wanted my brother and I out of the way so he could do his drinking without being bothered. It angers me every time I'm out in public and see a parent treat their child this way, because I know how it affected me... and how much it took from my mother and my grandparents to help counteract this damage. I was lucky... my Grandfather became my role model, and I quickly came to realize that my father's actions were those of a pathetic man who cared more about his beer than he did his family... but some kids... some never come to realize that, and blame themselves for how they are treated...
     
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  3. cluelusshusbund + Public Dilemma + Valued Senior Member

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    About 2 years ago i was at the Liberry tryin to use a computer... an a dad was thar wit 2 little boys an a little girl... they all 3 were huddled aroun him as he was lookin somptin up an the little girl (7?) quitely ask him a queston an he said hush... about a minute later she ask anuther queston an wit-out a word he slapped her bare upper leg hard leavin a solid red handprint an she just froze... didnt cry or move jus stared strate ahead... an about a minute later she slowly moved about 15 feet away an pulled a book off the shelf to look at... an we was both holdin back tears... while he hadnt even noticed she had walked away... she was broken... an it prolly wasnt the first time.!!!

    Sure... i have no idea what pressure he might have been under... but it was so dam sad... an she may remember that horrible day at the Liberry... which coud have jus as easily been a fun day... for the rest of her life.!!!

    O... my parents didnt hit spank scream yell do time outs take my stuff or ground me... what was expected seemed perty obvous an didnt need much explination... we was a family that actually liked each other an showed it.!!!
     
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  5. Balerion Banned Banned

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    That's child abuse. It's a shame this guy saved his rage for the internet, instead of directing it where it belonged: at the abuser, right then and there in the market.

    Edit: Wait. Did anyone check to see if the kid's feet were dry? I mean, it's possible this "child" is just a meatsack with no rights. We'd better make sure the father's rights as a man aren't being trampled here before we all go off accusing him of absuing a "child" that might not even exist.

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  7. Bells Staff Member

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    Mod Note

    Balerion

    Do not troll.

    If you do it again, you will face moderation.
     
  8. Stoniphi obscurely fossiliferous Valued Senior Member

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    Due to my upbringing it would be extremely unwise to strike a child in my presence.

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    Haven't seen that in a long time, I had better not see that either. Hitting a child is assault and battery IMHO.

    My son got 1 - 5 minute time out on the steps once for throwing a temper tantrum due to lack of sleep the night before. That is the only 'punishment' he has ever gotten at home. There simply was no need for that shit. Now at 23 he still likes to hang out with his old dad as we have no bad feelings or memories between us.

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  9. Bells Staff Member

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    I'm a big fan of removing tv privileges or computer game privileges with my kids. The mere threat of no 'no computer games!' is enough. I don't hit. I don't even raise my voice. Only time I do is if I need to make myself heard if they are being overly loud, but it's never angry raising of voice.. The one thing my ex husband and I both never did was to not listen to them when they speak. If they are speaking to us, it is because they feel it is something important enough to share. So we make sure we always listen and respond. I hate it when I see parents tell their kids to stop talking when the kids ask them a question.

    The only one who has ever gotten a time out was my youngest after he threw the biggest temper tantrum.. 10 minutes in his room.. While I made him something to eat, let him let it all out and then I went in, sat with him while he ate some avocado on toast, told him I loved him and he was fine after that.. My youngest tends to get really cranky and he's more prone to small or that big tantrum if he hasn't eaten enough of his lunch at lunchtime at school because he's too eager to go out and play.. So now I just make sure I have a banana or an apple for him to eat on the way home and that has solved the temper tantrum issue for the greater part.. Eldest doesn't really throw tantrums. He holds it in, then he sneaks off to his room and has a bit of a cry. I can always tell though and I tend to hug him and tell him it's okay, he lets it all out while I joke with him, and tickle him and that's all he needs to get over it and he's fine after that. He gets like that when he's tired though.

    Hitting kids, threatening them about how they will get it when they get home and not responding to them or not letting them speak.. What kind of example does that set? That cycle repeats itself. It becomes normal for them. I have stepped in when I have seen parents hit their kids in public. And threatened them with calling the police as well in a few instances. And one time I did call the police.
     
  10. Kittamaru Now nearly 40 pounds lighter. Staff Member

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    Indeed... my wife and I hope to instill a sense of honor and, dare I say, dignity in our kids so that the greatest punishment they could ever face would simply be knowing they had done something that had truly disappointed us. My parents... try as my mom did, she never really made me feel like I was appreciated or even wanted for the longest time. Looking back, I can't blame her, being in a loveless relationship with an abusive alcoholic. Now that she's free from that (and has found herself a girlfriend... yeah that was a little bit of a shock to me lol) she is the happiest I have EVER seen her, and we get along wonderfully.

    But yeah, clueluss, you mention how what was expected was obvious... we never knew what was expected with my father... his drunkenness left it a mystery, I suspect even to himself.
     
  11. cluelusshusbund + Public Dilemma + Valued Senior Member

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    "being in a loveless relationship with an abusive alcoholic."

    Yeah... thers always a reason for parents bein horrible but its not always as obvous as in you'r example... in any case... feedin ones hate over past experiences benifits no one... glad you'r mom has found some happyness an that you 2 have a good relationship now.!!!

    We had a nabor lady who had a kid wit big ears an she called him elephant ears... an it seems like the only reason she ever got near 1 of the kids was to give 'em a smack about the general head area.!!!
    Her husband... he was around about once a mounth or so :shrug:
     
  12. sculptor Valued Senior Member

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    I grew up without my birth father. I went to visit with him in my late 20s,(he seemed a real nice guy, looked a lot like the guy in the mirror, and we shared many personality traits---good and bad) and met a 1/2 brother.
    A few years later, I was on the phone with another 1/2 brother, and I confided that I had always thought that I might have missed something while growing up without my birth father.
    He replied: "Well, you certainly missed the drunken rages!"

    lol
    (not the response I had expected)
     
  13. Balerion Banned Banned

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    Lol! Get over yourself.
     
  14. elte Valued Senior Member

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    My dad was like the man in the library but it turned out better after I moved out because my mom always had a soft spot for me and by putting in good words for me all the time when i wasn't there, I think, was formative in how he tried hard to make it up to me later on when I had my own place. We could never live together in the same home was always the problem. When I was living by myself, we could become and stay friends.
     
  15. Kittamaru Now nearly 40 pounds lighter. Staff Member

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    Not Mod Note

    Balerion has been issued a red card and temporary ban for trolling and attempting to derail the thread in order to try and further his personal agenda.

    Bells - this forum is your territory - if you feel I have overstepped my boundaries, you have my apologies
     
  16. Kittamaru Now nearly 40 pounds lighter. Staff Member

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    Then again, there are some fathers out there that genuinely get it... even when they are not the father by birth...

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  17. haircutter Registered Member

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    When I was growing up,my father used a belt on my sister and myself quite frequently.Usually for a minor infraction,such as not coming in the house in the evening.We wanted to play as long as we could and sometimes did not come in at the appointed time.

    I have never hit a child and never would.
     
  18. Kittamaru Now nearly 40 pounds lighter. Staff Member

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    I have... considered... the act of using physical punishment... on the one hand, I can see where, in a few highly-specific instances, it may be warranted... but for the most part, violence only begets violence...
     
  19. cluelusshusbund + Public Dilemma + Valued Senior Member

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    What instance woud warrant hittin you'r child.???
     
  20. cluelusshusbund + Public Dilemma + Valued Senior Member

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    Unlike Kitt aparently... i dont know of a circumstance that warrants a child bein hit.!!!
     
  21. Stoniphi obscurely fossiliferous Valued Senior Member

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    When one engages with their child or children, there is no need for violence. The worse the parents control issue, the more likely they are to act violently on their children. Every instance of violence is a nail in the coffin of the child's respect and love for the parent. If the parent is violent enough, the child will hate them for that.
     
  22. strider Registered Member

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    ops story reminds me of my father except he was worse and addicted to meth and used crack also he was a war vet who claimed to have flashbacks and also had dissociative identity disorder and would threaten my life while having a diffrent personality,he had his good side but his insane and bad side was beyond a childs ability to deal with, later he gets hurt by an accident and sues wins in court and gets 250k while my mom struggled and still has nothing, he then blows the cash in three years then has the notion to call me after having not seen him in many years asking me to visit him,I am reluctant... this is not all and there are better reasons for my reluctance but id rather not get into all the horible details of my life on a public fourm, and just say I can sympathize with your past misfortunes
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2014
  23. Kittamaru Now nearly 40 pounds lighter. Staff Member

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    Sorry, just saw the post - when I say "hit" I don't mean like, punching, kicking, or even spanking the child; more just adding a light physical component to drive home the point. One I do to my friends all the time; if they do something particularly stupid, I'll give them a light brain duster - open palm, just sorta thwap my fingers (not the palm of my hand) against the back of their head just hard enough that they realize what it is I just did, usually accompanied by a smart ass remark.

    The big thing is... punishment has to be educational, or else it is pointless. If they can't learn from it, they won't remedy their behavior. I'm hoping that I can make any "punishment" needed both educational and, perhaps, a bit humorous... so that they know that, yes, they screwed up, but I'm not upset with them.
     

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