writing2

Discussion in 'Linguistics' started by Cyrus the Great, Jul 1, 2014.

  1. Cyrus the Great Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    185
    Her manners never caused me to do some things unwillingly, which drive our life to a neverland or dystopia, and consequently due to my reactions, we would get a terrible divorce that the only damaged people caused by (the divorce) are the children who are innocent and in need of their parent's affection.

    (Her manners never caused me to neither do some things unwillingly, which drive my life to a neverland, nor to get a divorce.)

    E. What is my purpose of using the word unwillingly at my sentence is like the foolowing:

    Unwillingly, she moved aside

    "Unwillingly" as used here means she moved, but only because she was forced to move. She did not choose to move. It was not her desire.



    Would anyone possibly tell me if I have properly written the blue sentences?



    Thanks in advance
     
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  3. Fraggle Rocker Staff Member

    Messages:
    24,690
    This sentence is too long. You need to break it into smaller sentences. This will make it clearer to the reader.

    Her manners never caused me to do anything unwillingly. ("Some things" is understandable, but "never" makes it clear that nothing will actually be done. Therefore "anything" is more appropriate.)

    This drove our life into a dystopia. ("Neverland" is a happy place, a name taken from the "Peter Pan" fairytale. "Dystopia" is a bad place. I think you want to refer to a bad place, so you'd better stick with "dystopia" and leave out "neverland.")

    And consequently, due to my reaction, we will get a divorce. (All divorces are terrible, you don't need to say so. However, you don't make it clear why your reaction to her manners will cause a divorce. A divorce is much too important to discuss without clarity.)

    The only people who would be damaged by the divorce are our children, who are innocent, and should always receive affection from their parents. (Adults are damaged by divorce too. Perhaps you've never been through one.

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    This is even more difficult to understand than the original version. As I suggested, the best thing to do with this sentence is to break it apart.

    (The purpose of the word "unwillingly" in my sentence is similar to its purpose in the sentence, "Unwillingly, she moved aside.")

    Until you become a master of writing in English, you should keep your sentences short.

    This is advice that I also give to native speakers of English, not just to people who learned it as a second language. Most people do not have good writing skills, so it's best to write simply and clearly, in short sentences. If you make your sentence twice as long, it will have four times as many errors.

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  5. Captain Kremmen All aboard, me Hearties! Valued Senior Member

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    "Her manners never caused me to do some things unwillingly."

    You are usually better off avoiding negatives.
    Here you have two negatives, and it makes a sentence which is hard to understand.

    Losing both of the negatives makes things much plainer:
    "I always acted willingly, despite her manners."
     
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  7. Cyrus the Great Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    185
    First, please accept my sincere gratitude for your fantabulous and really priceless explanations.


    Furthermore, would you tell me what is your opinion about my new adjusting?

    Her manners never caused me to do anything unwillingly, which would drive our life into a dystopia, and at all or consequently,due to my reactions, we would get a divorce. Moreover,The only people who would be damaged by the divorce are our children, who are innocent, and should always receive affection from their parents.

    I myself do not know what reactions, as it is only an example for my writing.
     
  8. Captain Kremmen All aboard, me Hearties! Valued Senior Member

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    The double negative is still there.
    It isn't forbidden, but you should try to avoid it.

    Example. Instead of saying:
    "I am not unwilling to accept a compromise"
    you should say:
    "I am willing to accept a compromise"
    They mean the same thing, roughly, but the latter is plainer.
    By using the former, you are making the sentence unnecessarily complex.

    I'm not sure what you mean by
    "Her manners never caused me to do some things unwillingly."

    Manners can be good or bad.
    Do you mean bad manners?

    And by "unwillingly", do you mean "reluctantly", or something else?

    I hope that you talk over your conversations here with your tutor.
    He or she may be able to explain things that you find hard to understand in a foreign language, in your own language.
    Do you do that?
     
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2014
  9. sculptor Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,497
    they do not mean the same thing (not quite, anyway)
    it's a nuanced thing
    a bargaining position---(60-40 vs 40-60)
    "not unwilling to accept a compromise" is a tad less open to compromise than "willing to accept a compromise"
     
  10. sideshowbob Sorry, wrong number. Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    2,961
    That's what I was going to say.

    "Not bad" is not as good as "good". Even "pretty good" is not as good as "good".
     
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2014
  11. Captain Kremmen All aboard, me Hearties! Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    12,738
    Yes, I agree.
    If you say that you are "not unwilling to accept a compromise", it implies a reluctance to accept a compromise at all.
    You are suggesting that there may be unknown barriers in the way of that compromise.

    If what you mean is that you are "willing to accept a compromise", then you should say so.

    This is a subtle difference, and I doubted that Cyrus would understand it.
    The majority of native English speakers wouldn't either.

    If you were in the position of being willing to accept a compromise, but only in limited circumstances,
    then, if you wished to be truthful, that is what you should say, explaining those circumstances.

    The double negative gives a confusing message.
    It is a form of speech often used by people who wish to conceal their intentions.
    So, unless you are a career politician, or a crook, or a liar: don't use it!
     
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2014

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