Would you pursue a romantic relationship with someone who has been sexually abused?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and is totally subjective. It is you who is putting contraints on the potential for romance by quoting something totally subjective as an absolute barrier. No one can count on anyone to love them, abused or not abused. It is not a right to be romantically pursued no matter what you look like.

peace

c20

 

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Any reason is good enough to get rid of an ugly and abused person, isn't it?

I'm being passive aggressive, but it is also true what I'm saying. I would know.

 

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If you say

then why did you say

?

 

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You cannot rely on someone having the patience but this goes with any relationship.
Suppose I have an anger management problem, should I say 'no woman is ever going to put up with this. i am doomed to loneliness, therefore I am going to cut myself off from the opportunity altogether?'

i've often heard it said that women look through the crap in men, to the potential underneath. Yeah it would take a special woman to deal with the guy with anger management problems but perhaps she, with all her womanly intuition, can see that the anger is serving to protect the gentle, kind but very hurt man underneath.

peace

c20

 

What has this got to do with the topic in question?

 

You are kidding right :bugeye:

 

No. Well, I see your point. But I have been declared unfit for any relationship, unlovable (so by other people). They simply got rid of me, because I wasn't good enough. No one ever thought me worthy of his love. My bad past is just so convenient for people to get rid of me -- and make all look like it was my fault anyway. I had my chance and I missed it, I should have been better ...

 

So chances are finite? Hope is worthless? Can you not see that you have no idea what is to happen tomorrow? Have you written yourself off because others have done so? Answer honestly.

peace

c20

 

Chances are fnite. Hope may not be worthless. I have some idea about what will happen tomorrow (huh uh, I won't become enlightened overnight, and God doens't help so presto either!). I have written myself off because others have done so.


I'm sorry. I'm not handling my new medication all that well all the time. Most of the time, I feel dull. Before, the depression had its highs and lows, at least *something* was happening, but now I feel so dull. It's boring to death.

 

Mark my words. Things will seem very very different one year from now. Hope is not worthless as you know. I am sorry to hear about the tough time you are having on meds btw. Let me know what you are taking. There may be a better alternative. It is something I have looked into quite extensively.

peace

c20

 

Thank you.
For starters, I'm taking my thyroid medication, and there isn't much choice for this. My depression and drowsiness are at least partially connected to my malfunctioning thyroid. And I can't afford any med coctails, because who knows what will happen if the thyroid gets upset. I had a bad shock some years ago, and I don't want that again. 6 months of 24/7 nausea, headache, and feeling as if a truck just went over me. I was irresponsive to meds, and had to wait it out.

 

Ah right, I assumed the meds were anti depressants.

I suppose you know about this page ?

www.thyroid-info.com

Anyway - I've said my bit on this topic now. I shall butt out

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Why, thank you! More thyroid nightmare!

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Luv it.

Thank you for participating.

 

A: "Nobody can love me"
B: "But I love you"
A: "Not in the way I am thinking or wanting"
B: "But I still love you"
A: "Nobody can love me"
B: "I love you"
A: "Why can't I feel your love?"
B: "Maybe because the love you want doesn't exist?"
A: "Maybe you should try harder to love me the way I want?"
B: "Maybe you should try harder to feel the love that already exists?"
A: "How can I if nobody can love me?"
B: "But I love you?"
A: "Hmmmmmm!!"

 

If only!
Sweet talk is easy over this distance.

 

The thing is Water,
People do love you.......I can say that with out any doubt at all.

It's just that sometimes we focus too much on what we want rather than what we have.

Another personal note:

The reason I separated from my first wife 20 odd years ago is that I didn't feel that she cared or loved me. So I was able, with the illusion of a clear conscious, to separate from her. It was only nearly ten years later that I realised that she did in fact love me and it was my inability to feel or know her love for me that was the problem and not the lack of love it self.
The love I wanted was not the love she was giving and the love I wanted was a love that no person could give. Alas it became obvious to me that not only did I need to learn how to love but also how to recieve love.

I wanted a certain sort of loving and that desire excluded all other sorts of loving. Love is so multi dimensional that in doing so I isolated myself terribly.

So when you feel the need to exclude someones love from your life, the notion of inclusivity becomes paramount.

 

Thank you for the above scenario. It is very realistic. If a man goes into a romantic relationship purely to satisfy himself, then yes, your questions of "why persue the relationship at all" is a valid one. There are exceptions, however. A man who persues a romantic relationship with a woman because in the biginning they fall in love and then later become best friends and decide to tackle life together. They have the same interests and are willing to make sacrifices for each other, because they love each other. If a man really loves a woman in spite of anything that might happen, he will be willing to stick it out, love her unconditionally and see the chains fall off and walk with her on her road to freedom.

I do not beleive persuing any romantic relationship is not serious. Every romantic relationship I have had in my life I have regarded as serious. Another human being's dreams and ideals are spread under your feet, therefore one should tread softly.

 

Ah, the it-is-all-my-fault argument, how convenient.
"Since I have a bad past, I have a warped understanding of love, therefore, all troubles in my relationships are due to my fault. The other person never did anything wrong" -- how convenient.
It is wonderful to get this thrown into my face, so that people can excuse themselves for not loving. My bad past is a damn good reason for not loving me, but it's not polite to not love someone -- so it's better to make it all their fault.

 

It is very easy to not be serious about romance with someone. All you need is to paint them as a second class person, due to the abuse, and then it is very easy to treat them the worst you can, and you will even feel justified.

 

It is also very easy to deny that someone is serious (about romance or anything else). All you need to do is paint them as someone with evil intentions, an abuser or a shallow person, and then it's very easy to discount what they're saying, feeling justified.

Quantum Quack certainly didn't use the "it's all your fault" argument. The whole direction of his posts point in the other direction. If anything, he only admitted his own fault, and what he learned from it. But will you allow him to share it, or paint his words as you wish to see them? Your past or anyone's past is not the greatest obstruction to a relationship - the poll and the posts of most people here confirm that.

If you clothe yourself with an idea, you can't blame other people for how it fits or doesn't fit. Tell me: IS everything "all your fault"?