Would you pursue a romantic relationship with someone who has been sexually abused?

Would you pursue a romantic relationship with someone who has been sexually abused or raped? Explain your answers in the thread.


If yes, explain why do you think that previous sexual abuse or rape is not an impediment for you to pursue a romantic relationship with such a person.

If no, explain why do you think that previous sexual abuse or rape is an impediment for you to pursue a romantic relationship with such a person.

 

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check a big no on that one. rape really fucks people up. do you really want to deal with that?

 

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So, you would just refuse them based on that fact alone? Leave them feeling rejected by yet another human being because it is too much to handle, and you don’t want to deal with it, or help them deal with it?

 

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Carrying on a successful romantic relationship is difficult enough, without having to deal with excess baggage. I wouldn't decline wanting to be a friend to the person, but that's as far as it would go.

 

I wouldn't date if the person is too weak to deal with that fact.
If it can, I have no problems. Otherwise I'd have to rewire the person, but then it needs to be maintained constantly and I'm not mother Theresa. Well.. I could try to build a permanent fix, but... problems with other sources of weak input interfering.
I don't date with psychologically weak individuals, they are too annoying.
Bah, besides romanticism and romantic relationship is not my cup of tea anyway,
my mind is too rational for this sort of thing.

 

My wife was abused by her aunt's 2nd husband when she was 8. Her whole family turned against her when she blabbed as they thought she was attention seeking and couldn't understand why she was so persistant. Her grandmother died not believing her. The truth did come out eventually and he was caught abusing children from another relationship.
Whilst it made her very wary of people in general and very distrusting of men, I didn't see this as any kind of baggage that I didnt want to pick up when we met. My love for her was genuine and to my mind that was all I could (and do) give. I think she was more pleased that I wasn't going to focus on her past and I never have. Ten years on and those proverbial demons have no power, her faith is restored, not by addressing the past but by loving the present and being hopeful for the future. Love is the light that shines in the darkness. Don't get involved with someone who has been hurt if you have no intention of remaining loyal to them. You will only enhance their feelings of mistrust.

peace

c20

 

I think if you answer no you have just ruled out 90% of the population.
Personally I don't think this is a valid criteria. What is more a criteria is how the person is NOW dealing with it.

If the only way to be "romantic " was to become part of an ongoing self abuse cycle that was generated by the original events I would have to decline.
Perpetrating the self abuse is a real turn off....as far as I am concerned however this would not stand in the way of friendship and possible healing.
Unfortunately the poll doesn't give me an ability to vote as I see no options for me to choose that is relevant.
I would vote depends on "How they are dealing with it", if that was an option.

 

I voted no but I really have to qualify that.

Having known several people like that, what it does to most of them and the way they treat others as a result, no - I would have no romantic interest.

However , I have no objections to trying my best to be friends with someone in that situation and trying to be supportive. The past CAN be overcome - but only if THAT person chooses to do so. Far too many actually hold on to it and use it as sort of crutch in order to avoid making commitments. They honestly don't know what they are putting themselves (and others) through. That particular class is bitter and resentful in just about everything they do. Not particularly nice to even be around but I can tolerate them for periods of time.

Now, having said that, there is still a caveat. IF they choose to try to put it behind them, act like a true human being (instead of perceiving themselves as being a floormat), and if romace should develop - fine. I would not hesitate at all at that point.

 

What has happened to someone that they couldn't prevent should NOT be held against them. If anything we should be more supportive of those people that were taken advantage of by giving them our trust and understanding to help them overcome the emotional scars left behind to ease them into a loving and warm relationship. By not hurting them more by not accepting them because of something that they didn't do, then we are responsible to insuring their recovery by telling them they are just fine now and hold them tightly.

 

Already have. I noticed that perhaps she tried to overcompensate for her bad experience by having lots of good ones.

 

Yes or no is impossible (How to Catch Water Playing Devil's Advocate 101

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).

I'm kidding.

It depends entirely on their behavior, same as any other girl.

With that in mind....

Why mention it as relationship criteria?

 

Water,
What do you feel is the most important aspect of the psychology of a "victim of sexual abuse" needs to deal with?
Is it a question of trust?

 

water wrote...

Does the act of sexual assault cause an individual to cease to be an person?

And is the relationship to be pursued to be primarily and initially sexual?

If indeed the relationship is to be romantically based, and the individual reciprocates the romantic feelings, why should they not be made to feel loved, wanted and safe just as any unviolated person?

So long as the abusee is of a sufficient psychological state to be amenable to loving nurture and support, I would have no compunction whatsoever.

 

mmm
sweet water
i'll take you anyway i can get

 

come to daddy, little one

 

!
Irony, I hope.

 

nope
i like to give em what they want

 

Sure. I'd only pursue a romantic relationship with a woman I really liked and one that really liked me. As long as she got that down, I don't care. No bounds, as long as she bathes adequately (5 times a week minimum).

 

Yes.

Not that'd I'd go for any rape victim, but if I find her physically attractive.... Who the hell am I kidding? I have yet to turn anyone down I find sexually appealing.

Like, if she didn't want to go, no pressure. But if it's all, "let's make out Roman, oh and by the way I got raped once." I might get freaked out, but not freaked out enough.

Besides, broken chicks are hot.

 

Your real name is "roman"?? :bugeye:

And, yes, broken chicks are hot in a certain sense. They tend to have a bit more emotional and mental depth. Say, a shallow blond woman gets raped...afterwards, she'll be quite deep and contemplative.