Wiping after "Number 2"

Lol. Fucking best point yet. Back to fronters are gonna wipe it in their mouths while the front to backers end up with a trail all the way to the back of the neck.

Good fucking point.

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That is because I am the scientist. We are trained in logical reasoning.

 

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Sure, some may wonder how this is accomplished. I suppose if yer ass is soooo friggen huge that when you sit a perfect seal is created around the seat, you'd wonder, 'how do i get my hand in there to wipe?'.

I don't understand this 'stand and wipe' mentality..Why the hell would you do that in the first place? Surely, it isn't because you know it's a more efficeint method of wiping, how could you possibly know that?

Maybe its some instinctual hangover from days gone by where man (or women) felt severely vulnerable to predators while in the squat position. Only stay squatting while shitting then, when you've pinched off, quickly stand and survey the area for predators.... That's it! You 'stand and wipers' have failed to evolve.... Think about it, there's a lock on the bathroom door, not too often are there windows in there, you're all alone......no predators..... Sit......wipe, enjoy! The saber toothed tiger ain't gonna getcha... Heck, bring a radio in there, play some comforting music or something, maybe that'll help... But please, get help!

 

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No, I do not.

I think the explanation above is quite good.

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I think someone should ask your mummy, for her opinion on that.

 

Ok. Perhaps never is a bit extreme. (Damn you and your uber-rationalism!!) But, in my time of memory a skid mark has never graced my bvd's.

How a'bout you?

Stander? Sit'downer? Front to backer? Back to fronter?

You're a woman, right? So that means for health reasons you're likely a front to backer. So, for leverage reasons your'e likely a reach around the back'er.
So, the only real question is stander or sitter? And do you look at it the mirror? Give it a wink while it winks back at you, perhaps?

Hmm. That suggests you actually stand fully erect then? I had an image of standing up hunched over. Fully erect means that you're smearing shit all over your ass-crack doesn't it?

Or are you just saying it "sounds" good. Not that it's correct.

 

No, not really. I am quite able to get my ass clean that way. I have no problems with leftover feces attached to my behind.

No, I do not think that it is correct, but it is a funny explanation.

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Don´t know why I stand up, but I find wiping while sitting somewhat uncomfortable.

 

I mean do you actually stand up completely rather than hunched over. I would think a fully erect posture would slam your butt cheeks closed. Along with the sphincter.


You know what's great about this conversation? NO ONE WOULD EVER FUCKING TEACH THIS SHIT IN SCHOOLS OR THE HOME!!! Who ever considered back to front causing stinky ball syndrome? Who ever considered the possibilities of skid marks being caused by front to backers? (Ok that's likely spurious.) And who ever considered the diagonal approach.

The human animal is far too disgusted with itself.

Anyone read my theory on shit, animism, and priestly power in Dr. Lou's thread in Philosophy?

 

Oh COME ON Invert.
Addres's this like the goo'd boy you are:

Dreamwalker:

Lies.

Well, now that I have managed to plant myself in what will prove to be the shittiest hole on the forums, literally, I might as well tell you there are bits of feces sprinkled around your hole as we speak, Dreamwalker.

Its a delicassy called "mung", essential in the homosexual diet.

 

Invert,

No, I do not stand fully erect. But the reason might be that I need to bow down to reach the toilet paper...
And I did not read your post in Lou´s thread.

NO! I have been exposed. Damn you! I hope you get a vaginal infection from your own faeces, bitch.

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Wh'at are you imp'lying? I did address the issue. I plainly stated that it's only in my memory (which stretch'es back a good'ly number of year's) that there have been no skid mark's.

Although, I had food poisoning a time or two, but that's hardly a skid mark...

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How dare you bring mung into this...?

What about hetero's? It's not only the homos that lick ass, Gendy.
Ever heard of a rusty trombone?

By the way. Do you stand? Do you look at it in the mirror?

 

At the time when relieving yourself was a threat to man, man didn't stand upright.

 

And he also probably didn't care if he had a shit-encrusted ass either.

Hell, the more encrusted the better. Before shame and disgust was applied, there was no greater joy than grooming. Having the dingleberries plucked from your matted ass-hair.

 

Sorry, I thought we were talking about why people stand up to wipe?

No worries.
Thanks.

 

We were. But, do we need to stay on topic in a thread like this?

But, note that I say "also."

No need to thank me. I don't think...

 

Now that's a good point.

 

Well, in that case:

You know. This worldwide phenomena of feces disgust is interesting. Why is it so widespread? As Gendanken says, it must be beaten into the children. And is often forgotten in the elderly. It's not deeply physical. Not entirely. It's a learned behavior. But, it's a learned behavior that is worldwide.

This suggests that the learning of shit disgust was began at a very early stage of human development. Before the cultures diversifed. This disgust was carried with the travelers to every corner of the globe (although, it's possible it might have also been carried by later colonists and/or missionaries, etc...)

So, what might have caused it? It's known that primates take great pride in their shit flinging abilities. Many monkey and ape wars are begun with a shit-flinging extravaganza. Might it be that the disgust of shit was instilled to remove this awesome power of self-created weaponry from the masses? Nothing is as personal as shit. NOTHING. Maybe piss, but it's not as holdable as smearable, as flingable, as shit. Shit is the first thing we create. And often the last. It is the sign of a creative force within each and every one of us. It is power. In an animistic society, shit likely has even more uses than flinging.

So, in removing shit from the people by the instilling of disgust, the leaders (shaman, priest, whatever) took the anima of the shit upon themselves.
--------From [post=668775]here[/post]​

Basically, this is all based on on Gendy's language theory. How language inspired animism which inspired magic which inspired priestly power. Anima was power in the world. Magic was power in the hands of the people manipulating the anima. And the final step of priestly (shamanistic likely at the beginning) consolidation led to religion.

First man feared the world. The spirits in the world. Then magic manipulated the spirits and man got his first taste of power. However, magic was a general type of power and any in the tribe could wield it. Priests eventually took the authority of magic and anima and transferred the power of magic into himself. Now instead of fearing the anima, the tribe feared the priest. A consolidation of power.

Shit was another form of creative power. As evidenced by shit-flinging apes. When priestly consolidation took place (or possibly even before) this power was removed from the hands of the people. Disgust placed into the realm of the unspeakable. The taboo.

And there it remains to this day.

Only in places like this, where anonymity and a half-joking manner obscure the guilt we feel over talking about, can it be discussed.

 

Well, as a matter of fact, I started reading it in the last minutes. I am not yet through the whole text, but I might get back on it tomorrow.

 

You know, you have a bloody good point.

I just took a shit about an hour ago at home after playing tennis and I realized that not only did I wipe my ass sitting down, I took a two front to back swipes with two clean tissues, but had a third back to front with a third one! So, the type of shit has a lot to do with one, what type of swipe and how many swipes you do. This shit was very watery and I was home in the conformt of an air conditioned bathroom reading comics whilst the music played. It was comfortable-- no saber tooths threatening a brother.

It is now apparent to me however that when I take a shit in the public place, I definitely stand, hunch over and then wipe that asshole clean. You have a point there.

Now we need to classify the different types of faeces and the optimal ways of cleaning them.

 

Somehow I don't buy that, mate. You seem the type to get too agressive in wiping. Hell, I can see you yelling "bring it on!" as you wipe that sucker clean! It is not too far a stretch to imagine you mistakenly bringing the paper to you balls and even your belly as it hangs over the toilet seat. You aren't fooling anyone!