Why Monogamy Is Ridiculous

The role models that you cite are very much in transition, I have observed, and it may well be contributing to the increase in divorce statistics, though certainly not the only factor.

Interesting that you consider the desire for sexual attention to be a predominantly male characteristic. Incarceration is an extremely unnatural circumstance for any creature, and would be a very stressful situation to endure in my mind.

What is the most effective release of tension known?

I don't think I need to spell it out.....

Women are very much at the mercy of the hormonal cycle which men bemoan but would do much better to study. At certain times of the cycle, you are wasting your time and energy in making advances. When the timing is right.....well you'd better be wearing a jean shirt or you'll be needing to purchase another. Damn buttons anyway........

Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

 

Log in or Sign up to hide all adverts.

Hmmmmm.......not quite certain of what you are conveying here......
Are you saying that men, even between friends, consider that all females are fair for the stealing?

What does that say about the female?

If you succeed in stealing her, wouldn't she be liable to be scooped by another enterprising male?

Are you all basically pirates at heart?

Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

If that is the case, it does rather explain why many men think it's okay that they should have female friends but do not think this courtesy should be extended to their partner.

IDK.......enlighten me.

 

Log in or Sign up to hide all adverts.

Male friends are O.K. as long as you keep your promise of not fucking them . All O.K. fine . Only Men that can't control there hormones try to screw anything with a slit . It is difficulty for young men to understand . The sexual urges are extremely overwhelming . I think Mid Life Crisis men are trying to recapture there youth which is totally different than the young Man in female heaven of beauty and glory. I bet you are a knock out ! Your confidence level is high . I think you were telling the truth and mens heads do bobble

 

Log in or Sign up to hide all adverts.

I'm no poster girl, but I am fit and healthy and not entirely devoid of charm.

Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

Psychology is my friend........

Once you understand and master hormones, attraction is entirely a mind game. Besides, that's the kind of attraction that lasts, because once you have intellectual intimacy, you have the strongest bond it is possible for our species to forge......at least in my observation.

Beauty fades over time, but the mind has the capability of remaining youthful, resilient and intriguing as long as one draws breath, if one is fortunate enough to safeguard their health.

Just something to contemplate......

 

You could be right, but I was thinking that when you lock a bunch of women up together they are going to talk about men and work themselves into a high state of horniness that will demand being taken care of when they get out ASAP.

Next observation is that guys that did the best with women seemed to be those that grew up with sisters. There were many times I wished I had a sister.

 

I disagree with your characterization. Men have complicated rules about who we can pursue (which is different than "who we are attracted to") that always seem to include "no poaching" rules. I am even wary of approaching my friends ex-girlfriends, and would consider it a betrayal for me to pursue them without getting signoff from my friend in advance. Similarly, even if my friend's wife or girlfriend is attractive, she's clearly in the hands off category... and even the desire to pursue those women is increasingly muted over time.

Even with women entirely unattached to my social group, if I know a friend has a thing for a woman, even if he's not actively pursuing her, I'd pass on her and I think mist men I know would pass on such a woman, out of respect for their friend. In one real world situation to that effect, I went to have drinks with a woman who was extremely hot, and spent two hours talking up my friend until he could get to the bar (I'd texted him before we went out), then continued to play the support role for a while before excusing myself and leaving them both to their own devices.

Far from being unable to control ourselves, the "wingman" role has a long and honored tradition associated with it.

 

Growing up with sisters would certainly allow a man to have a much better understanding of all things female, for a fact. That should translate into an advantage as far as better communication skills and knowing when the female is receptive to advances.

I spent a couple of years at a high school dormitory, with 75 girls on the ground floor and an equal number of boys on the second level. Somewhat of a genteel incarceration, not to be compared to imprisonment. Even during that stage of life of raging hormones and intense curiosity, we talked about a far broader range of topics than hot guys. Maybe I hang out with the wrong demographic to have an informed opinion on this matter.....

 

Another excellent post that fits with much of my experience with the opposite gender.

Perhaps the difference in conduct has much to do with whether the man is seeking a committed relationship or not? It seems that some fellows are more interested in getting laid than in doing the work that is required to establish and maintain a relationship.

A couple of men have explained to me that they will hire a professional girl because they specifically do not want a commitment. That seems very honest on their part.

Don't ask me why, but men feel comfortable talking to me on a personal level. Must be the same communication wavelength that I project at the horses, lol.....

 

I'm with you on this comment. The male friends I do have I place a high value on that friendship and no matter how hot of a girlfriend they might have I wouldn't think of poaching, even if I thought I could get away with it.

 

Whereas I tend to be the amateur therapist that my female friends use (which gets me into fights with my girlfriend--who doesn't always feel comfortable with my four hour long phone calls with other women--and occasionally also, fights those women's boyfriends).

It is true that if men are out to get laid, that friends will sometimes directly compete for the same woman. Similarly, if two men are smitten with the same women, they may compete...but usually though that only happens when both of them became smitten at around the same time, with a first in time rule applying generally. In a sense it's not much different than any other competition. When I am playing baseball with my friends, sometimes I am on the other team, and then I talk trash and they talk trash to me and both teams try hard to win. When we re on the same team, though, then it's all about encouragement.

Same when I box. Sometimes I compete against friends, and we both know that the object is to win, while following the rules of the sport. We never leave with hard feelings (or rather, sometimes we do leave with hard feelings, but we get over them within 20 minutes or so when we realize how stupid those feelings are).

Pursuing a woman just to get a leg over is not a terribly serious thing, so more likely to be treated like a game, and more likely to be competitive. At the end of the day, though, even there there are rules. If your friend has been talking to a woman for, say 15 minutes, it's "bad behavior", to swoop in and steal her (or generally mess up his rapport with here (i.e. "cockblocking"). Playing wingman in that situation is good behavior and men would laud that conduct.

So men clearly have unwritten rules. Some men sometimes break those rules, but there is real social opprobrium attached with hooking up with other male friend's girl, or even girl he's interested in. I would definitely not be afraid to hear that my girlfriend was hanging out with my friends while I was traveling on business (in fact, it happens a lot), because I know that none of my friends are using a "f*&% anything with a slit" rule. I think Me-Ki-Gal may have really know a bunch of men that most of us other men would label "douche bags."

 

Amen.

That is not to say some guys don't break the rules, but when they do they catch shit for being a douche not just from the friend they directly betrayed, but from the whole collection of men. The outward reaction may be as little as, "That's not cool, man," but men who betray friends definitely lose standing and respect within the group. Do something bad enough, and you can get ostracized for it.

 

Cough cough bullѕhit cough

Same rules apply to women.

It is not that male bonding is easier because of the “bros before hoes” motto. Men are naturally more predatory. The motto is a myth. The problem is women are more needy and paranoid. If I do not hear from one of my friends for a year that does not translate into “he doesn’t like me”, or “I wonder if I said something to offend him?” Female relationships require constant maintenance but their worth it.

Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

BINGO! Hence, my reason for asking about the emotional intimacy.

Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

That is the key, is it not?

Tips, womanly secrets, what do you say?

What do intelligent women, such as you, look for in a man?

 

See, in that I'm very guylike. But that's a major depression thing, too, I isolate when I am irritable and down, so as not to be a jerk...and get online and annoy you fine people instead

Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

My ex-boyfriend was afraid I'd cheat on him, only I'm bi.
This meant he was highly suspicious of my entire social life. Which he effectively didn't want me to have.

My hair was falling out in little clumps when I moved out on him. Gods!

Life's too short to be paranoid about this crap.
If someone's going to cheat on you, they will find time, and you will find out.

 

I can see were not destined to be friends.

Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

 

My ex-girlfriend (smokin’ hot) said that all but two of my friends hit on her. So far, I’ve had no reason to poach, but who knows, paybacks a bitch.

It’s just a matter of loyalty, that’s all. I’ve read that we are naturally more loyal, due to thousands of years of facing more danger, and our lives depending on the loyalty of other men. I have found that females can be just as loyal, if not more. It just depends on the person.

No worries, mate.

Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

 

Mate,,,, That sounds like you live pretty far away with a lot of water between us. Your right about no worries. But I will say if I had to pick anyplace else in the world to live besides the U.S. The outback sounds good to me or maybe the beach. I grew up in California an easy walk to the beach.

 

It is said, that before we can formulate the question, we must already know the answer.

Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

 

Do you consider intellectual intimacy and emotional intimacy to be the same?

 

It's definitely more complex than that motto, but there is a kernel of truth in the motto as well. It depends on a number of factors though...for example:

• how close you are and how much you respect the other guy;
• how much your other friends like and respect the other guy;
• the nature of the other guy's interest in this woman;
• the nature of your own interest;
• who had the prior claim or how close in time your respective interests arose;
• how well or how badly he treats the woman;
• ...etc.

And these factors can interact. The point is, though, that the default rule is "no poaching" and the factors really only apply to determining when you feel like you can attempt to poach.

That said, it sounds like you have shitty friends. If they hit on your girlfriend, no matter how hot she is, you should deck them and end that "friendship" because that is not what it really is.

When a guy you hang out with is not your friend (or at least when you feel he's a douche and not a real friend) that weighs heavily on the test. Then some guys will find hitting on "that douche's" girlfriend to be cathartic, because it serves as a way to express their dislike. Men are very much passive aggressive about such things when they dislike a certain member of our peer group.

(Just to be clear though, I really take no position on what happened between your friends and your hot ex, though I was assuming it was true based on what you wrote. It could be that they simply flirted with your ex and she took it as a full-fledged overture. I have known plenty of women (though of course most women are *not* like this) who think that all men want them and misconstrue fairly innocent behavior as a come on. It could also be that she was overstating things just to see how you'd react. Some women (again not most) do try to get a rise out of you...and to be honest most people of either sex are flattered by there being a little, measured bit of jealousy in a relationship. Once you are at the point of "I don't want you going out" though of the level that Chimpkin describes, then you are way over the red line on what's unhealthy.)

I'd also add that while the same is true for women, I was initially responding to the notion that men's libidos are so uncontrolled that we cannot help but try to steal woman from one another...when in fact that is rare and there are informal social structures that are geared around preventing it. I never meant to (and don't believe I did) suggest that women poach habitually, because they don't either.

They are a bit more prone to competing with one another in a way that guys don't. So if two women see an unattached guy and both are interested they are less likely to look at each other, say "may the best lady win" and openly compete. That is where their passive aggressive side can show, in that they undermine one another in strange ways (or at least ways I find strange). The jibes and insults male friends hurl at each other are almost playful compared to some of the really almost cruel things women will say about each other. That may be because men don't usually have the same level of psychological insight into their targets, so I am not (necessarily) saying that women are more cruel on a deep level...save in practice and with each other when I think they usually are.

 

Wow! Pandaemoni said a great deal without (necessarily) saying it.

Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

You covered your tracks well. And you’re right. My friends are all clowns.

No offense, KilljoyKlown.

Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

You’re the one with an interest in psychology. You tell me. :shrug:

Emotions primarily involve physiological arousal but don’t you think that intellectual intimacy is capable of stimulating such arousal?

And now it’s your turn.

What is the biggest misconception that people have about you?