The people who tell anyone not to play the part of the victim are very likely to be saying it just to taunt the victim. Bullies are a kind of psychopath and other kinds of mentally ill. They often don't even operate as bullies unless they can find a fellow psychopath to work with them, preferably someone who has authority over their chosen victim. Once they start they continue their attacks in a manner that simply doesn't allow for the victim to choose his or her own role. There is a difference between someone who uses bullying and can be talked to and those who make a career of it like one I used to work with or the one I went to school with. "Don't be a victim" insults my intelligence. The people who have used this on me have also proven to be bullying psychopaths.
You are wrong. Not all psychopaths are "bad", or "evil". Those same psychopaths who you talk about, are the ones who become the anti-bully. Predator and psychopath are not always the same thing, as not all psychopaths for example, rape little kids, or beat on women, or attack civilians for fun. Since victims out-number bullies in most cases, if victims arent choosing the role of victim, then they must as a group be completely powerless? No one is powerless. Start or join the police force. Use your brain power to change the laws to make bullying illegal. Become the judge, and buy the prison. Or you can sit around and cry and blame the bully while doing nothing to stop the bully from making your life a living hell.
Timetraveller, I get the impression that if I were the teenager making such efforts, you would have been one of those who was no help or even actively undermined me. Everything you mention there either requires group efforts which aren't usually going to happen, the use of authority which are often collaborators, or enduring years of abuse before having any chance of having any effect. No, the role of victim is not a choice. If it were, the victims wouldn't be called "victims." Victimization is about taking choice away from people. Those bastards are very good at taking that choice away.
I sure didn't find that to be the case. Between 7th and 8th grade I grew to just about my adult size. I then stood up to every bully who had ever bugged me. I still remember the shocked look this upperclassman had as I punched him in the face after he smacked me in the back of the head for no reason on the bus. I had no more trouble with bullies after that.
I was not talking about kids. It's the adults who are failing kids. If we had cameras in the schools we could catch the bullying on tape and punish the bullies. It's the adults to failed kids. Most bullies work in groups, most victims don't. Every bully I have ever faced was a gang member, or in a group. The world is tribal. Do victims have a tribe? I'm not the type of person to undermine you, I'm saying use your brain, if you are your own authority then you won't require authority from outside groups. Use your brain, buy the authority. If a bully is so bad that groups of parents pay or bribe the principal to get their anti bullying measures implemented in that school, it ends there. Instead it's because parents are so soft on bullying that it continues. It's the parents who designed schools like prisons. It's parents who allow for kids with a violent history to be put in the same classroom and school as kids without a violent history. Look, if you know a kid is a bully, why havent parents created the school for bullies, and if a kid gets caught bullying enough times they get put in the school for bullies. The reason is, bullies have parents too, often good parents, soft parents, who bend to the will of the bully child who bullies them around even. You have parents who fear their kids. Spanking are illegal, the options of past no longer work to end bullying. It used to be if you bullied you'd get spanked on your ass when you get home. It used to be that the principal would beat you if you bullied kids. Now the bully controls the principal by controlling their parents, if the principal beats the bully, the bully will make their parents sue the principal, yet if someone gets assaulted in class and is a student, the student has no legal right to sue the bully? If you don't like how bullies abuse their power, STOP GIVING THEM THE POWER. You are an adult, not a victim. If someone is abusing you, stop thinking like a weak little victim, and switch the roles. The bully will bully you until you bully them or contain them from bullying others. If a person is a bully, why don't victims start a rehab program for ex-bullies? This way bullies and victims can meet each other, and form friendships, and together help end the problem of bullying, hell it might even be profitable.
Damn right, thats the sorta response that works. Look, if a dog comes at you growling and starts biting you, you don't start crying and not do anything, you fight it because those bites start to hurt. If someone keeps hitting you in the head, it does not matter, after a certain point, you'll fight. The problem with the victim mindset is, that mindset discourages fighting back, it encourages the "I'm a victim, I need help, somethnig is wrong with me, I need a psychiatrist, I need meds, help!", thats the wrong response, the bully needs the help. The bully is the one with the problem, offer help to the bully, or the bully will keep on being a bully. Look, bullies don't all want to be bullies, it's addictive, like any other vice. Some people are sadists and get a hardon or wet off making you scared, off making you feel pain, and off teasing you, and if you don't see what the picture is, you'll be bullied all your life until you stand up. How do you stand up? You say ENOUGH, and you meet with other people who have been bullied who also say ENOUGH, and then you tackle the problem. No one has a right to abuse you. It does not matter, no entity has a right to abuse you, not animal, nor human, not insect, not a virus, not a disease, respect yourself. Thats all I can say, and I think the poster I'm responding to knows what I'm talking about because thats what he did.
A lot more attention needs to be paid to the fact of small cliques, not quite the same as gangs, that use bullying to damage a town by damaging select individuals. The ones who were after me maintained the same small group of perpetrators and bred new ones for about forty years. I'm not at all sure that the student has no legal right to sue the bully or the bully's parents. I could very likely have done it myself if I had had a little help and if someone could have helped me get my head on straight. When I talk about collaboration by the authorities, I am not just saying it to read myself talking. I am not just "giving" them the power at the time a bunch of them actually conspire against me. They are taking it and the only choice I have is to leave if I can. You want me to take back my personal space? Make it possible for me to leave or legal for me to kill them. Then I get back my fucking power. You have no idea at all how to stop giving them the power any more than you have any idea how I can stop bleeding when someone straps me to a gurney and sticks a tube in a vein.
Depends on the town, the size of the clique, the size of the gang, they are gangsters now, not bullies. They commit crimes? Crimes are illegal. If the city or state government is corrupt, thats because you allowed your town bullies to seize power. Usually goverment does not care, and will accept support from whoever contributes to them getting elected and whoever has money, but in the rare situation where the bullies run the state, then it's a totally different situation, still people must be supporting or helping these bullies if they can gain so much power and the people who are helping or aiding the bullies, are the people who are victims of bullies and who side with the bullies or do nothing. But thats why we have the feds, the international police force, and citizen intelligence. It's simple, if someone is a bully for long enough, eventually the word spreads through the town, this is civilian intelligence, after a while the reputation of the bully is well known to everyone. Most of the organized crimes arent actively bullying, why? Because there is no point. Most successful gangs arent bulling because there is no profit in it. If you are talking about an Al Capone type of bully, well there is not much you as an individual can do, but there are the feds who handle the big bullies. The point is, organizations, governments, and other structures are simply groups of people who agree to form these organizations. You don't like your neighborhood bully? The majority of the neighborhood does not like them? If you have consent and are organized yes you can handle a bully. Join the police force if you are bullied to the point where you can't handle the crime, and change the laws if you don't like the current laws. Vote, and stop running, you have no where to run and no where to hide, if you do leave, sure the problem will go away for you, but whereever you go, you still have to accept the fact that it's ultimately up to you to create the structures and organizations to deal with bullies, it's up to the victims to stop being victims because bullies arent going to stop.
the point i was trying to make in my first post is be careful before you attack the bully, if you are going to hit back make sure you have something that will give you the advantage because a lot of the time the bully will be bigger and stronger than yourself. take a chair and smack him when he is not looking sought of thing. i had people try and play the hero on me so i layed them out. the worst type of bullies (the ones i am trying to warn you about) are the real tough assholes who pick on people because they have nothing better to do and find it enjoyable to hurt people and if you try and fight them they will destroy you
I have known many bullies and they all get whats coming to them...one day. Do you ever wonder if the people you bullied are gonna reap their revenge? Many do you know. They are just biding thier time, or were you not that bad that they'd remember.
maybe, maybe not ill be long gone before many of them try to get me, and if they do ill be waiting for them, i can hold my own in a fight i was bad enough, most people left at the end of last year when school finished, i bullied as an act of lashing out against my problems at the time (quite some time ago) since i stopped no one ever seeked revenge on me. like i said if anyone ever wanted to try i couldnt care less i would beat them like i did before, im a damn good boxer so i hope they are good enough
sounds like fear talking what if they a e in a gang and you are alone? anyway, don't worry, I'm sure it won't happen. Most bullies bully becuase they have problems at home. It a sucky cycle really. Like everything else, unless people get to the root of the problem, ie why the bully bullies, can't really ever hope to curb it.
well then i guess it would be my turn for revenge wouldnt it Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
from experience from my school the worst bullies are the ones who know they are the biggest and bully for fun
Yeah, thats exactly what happened at columbine. They bullied those kids, and those kids came back with guns and shot up the school. I'm not endorsing this sort of response to bullying because they killed many many innocent people, but bullies create misery, and misery comes back to you.
Every bully I ever faced in life, it was the whole gang vs me. In a 1 on 1 fist fight, I could hold my own, I sparred on a daily basis, I practiced martial arts. You say you are a boxer? You aren't the only one. The types of bullies I had to deal with, were in gangs and had weapons. The type of bullies I had to deal with, if you beat them up, they are the team captain and will have the whole school beat you up including teachers.
Bullying serves a certain purpose that fits in with a lot of things that occur on the larger scale. Even when it is on the smaller scale it is intended to disable the more intelligent members of the class.
Here's my two cents worth. As an eighth grade student, I had a bully sit behind me in class, always poking and proding me to no end of torment. Then, I had the 'misfortune' of cracking my wrist in PE, which required a hard cast to be placed on my arm. The next time the bully poked me, I simply turned around and hit him on the head with my rock-hard cast. He never bullied me again. Not certain if that works in every instance, but it sure worked for me!
You are talking about classroom bullying. Bullying exists when people become adults, you are still being bullied now I bet.
