my venus in leo conjunct my lilith in leo in the fifth house. this is why i attracted energy vampires all my life starting from the most maliciously jealous from a child from those around me. always people wanting something from me like i secretly lay golden eggs or something they need to uncover and exploit with raging malice and envy. that's why i learned to be an open book. there is nothing to hide and i wasn't hiding anything wrong in the beginning anyways. this chart needs support of evolved souls, not those who are insecure and jealous. i attracted an incredible amount of jealousy from people directly around me if i unleashed my full force/light/inspiration. my son has lilith in leo also but not in the fifth house. lilith leo is understanding glamour to an artistic/inspired extent. this is the placement of artists which explains why i was seeing visions of people and dreams that would later become famous as a child which i didn't know who they were until later. competition or friends? seems suspicious. my life has been so bizarre and unusual. i've not heard of others having that experience to such an extent. my chart is jam-packed with artist signatures. that was this charts original destiny or supposed to have been; lots of buried secrets and conspiracies in nature and the astral realm. when i was in the military and when i recognized one of the celebrities that i saw as a young child as they were just beginning their career, i had a reading done on why i had seen them in the first place because i don't even know who that person was and she said the cards indicated that i did in a past life and it was because i was supposed to be among them. then i asked if that was supposed to be, then what happened. the cards indicated i made a decision to sacrifice to go to the bottom looking for my 'child'. because i do recall strongly a feeling that my partner and i had lost a child tragically in a past life. there was this sense that he 'fell' into darkness so mistakenly i assumed it was the bottom of society. that pain i brought with me into this life. it's amazing serendipity that i was feeling that anguish/guilt strongly at that time and the cards picked up on that energy, this was when i was fairly young and was not even considering settling down or having children at the time. the cards picked up on that energy without me saying a word about it as a metaphysical backdrop. this was in reference to a past life that affected present life choices. but it was a vicious lie to get me off my path or distracted. there are lots of malicious and jealous souls in human meat suits that will do anything (unscrupulous/hidden strategies/sabotage) for fame just as there are dark astral forces/energies as well as good ones. the lame part of this jealousy of 'celebrity' is not and was not my goal. that is small fry to me. it is what runs it behind the scenes is where i would have wanted to be. when i asked what this person wanted from me, again it was my energy. energy, energy, energy!!! why? because it was purer and therefore full of inspiration that could benefit them as well as bizarrely that it's like a metaphysical level of 'seeding' similar to stealing eggs from someone. that's exactly how she put it because that is the only way she could explain this deep level of jealousy. my mars conjunct pallas as an earth angel aspect coincides as the reason. my son is highly artistic too. i dont' think this is all a mere coincidence. as a matter of fact, i know in my gut it's not. it was sabotaged from getgo. i already lost before it began. i don't give a shit though anymore. it is not a coincidence that my so-called family rose so high to the top that they have access to the celebrity world and they are not even artists after they plundered and raped my mind and soul for everything they could get. any beauty or inspiration i showed, was immediately sucked away, continuously. there is not only physical predation or parasitism in this universe that goes on, it also occurs on the metaphysical level as well. i thought it was just my moon but it's also my mars conjunct the mc (career). that was to lock in success (strong drive/determination) but as with all plans of mice and men..but this chart was formidable, if other variables had played a better hand. gorgeous chart that just turned to ashes. once this life is over, i don't ever want to come back here. that's even if it could be different another time, it doesn't matter. this world can have all of it for themselves. i don't want any part of it anymore. no desire; no attracting devils, jealousies or ire. ugh.