What is the big deal with having sex early?

Discussion in 'Human Science' started by visceral_instinct, Feb 28, 2010.

  1. visceral_instinct Monkey see, monkey denigrate Valued Senior Member

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    So yeah, I remember being lectured in high school about how '14 is too young, you wouldn't handle it' (how do you actually know how each individual would handle it emotionally?) and how we should 'Say no to sexual activity' until we were fully adult...(How naive of grown adults to be so black and white.)

    So long as it is SAFE sex you're having in a SAFE context, why would it matter so much? The only 'danger' I see is that you might not get much emotional pleasure and wish it had been more 'special' but that hardly counts as a danger young people need protecting from.
     
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  3. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

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    Well just how many 14 year olds are going to practice safe sex when many of them really do not care about or know much about safe sex to begin with. Then there's the problem with pregnancy or STD's to make things even harder.
     
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  5. Fraggle Rocker Staff Member

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    Eighteen-year-olds aren't exactly reliable. Neither are the grownups who hook up in bars.
     
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  7. Read-Only Valued Senior Member

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    <Heavy sigh> Here we go again - this is almost like a rerun about the thread on the maturity of the teen brain/mind. And it was clearly shown in that thread - with links to psychological AND physiological studies - that the teen brain simply isn't yet up to the task of dealing with many things, not the least of which was risk assessment.

    And as others have already pointed out here, just how much do teens actually know about "safe sex" with things like STDs out there? And tell me this - what's going to become of the life of a girl of 14 or 15 that winds up pregnant?
     
  8. clusteringflux Version 1. OH! Valued Senior Member

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    No birth control method is 100% effective. If the child is mature enough to handle the cost , both monetary and emotional, of either parenthood, stds or abortion I suppose there's nothing wrong with it.

    I personally have met a 14 year old child like that. One. She went to work and schooled part time and did fine. This case is one in a million.
     
  9. Dinosaur Rational Skeptic Valued Senior Member

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    I think two of my classmates made really bad decisions at 13-14 and I doubt that they had sex until 4 years later.

    We went to a coed boarding school. They started going steady in 9th grade & got married after graduation. The boarding school environment gave them no opportunity for sex. They lived about 1000 miles apart, so did not vacation together.

    They went to the same college & stayed together for the next 50 Plus years when Barbara died.

    On alumni day about 15 years after we graduated, a bunch of us went to a piano bar. Barbara & Ken got drunk & did a lot of talking. I drove them to their hotel when we left the bar.

    That evening, I discovered that they few interests in common any more & the marriage had gotten routine to the point of being boring. Their sex life had never been very good.

    Due to having no experience with anyone else, neither felt confident enough to divorce or find companionship outside the marriage.

    From my point of view they wasted their lives.
     
  10. Orleander OH JOY!!!! Valued Senior Member

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    and that is why I would never hope my children marry the first person they have sex with. That was my Mom's hope for her children, but I wouldn't wish that on mine.
     
  11. visceral_instinct Monkey see, monkey denigrate Valued Senior Member

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    Did you notice that I specifically said 'If it is SAFE sex they are having'?

    I know people who said their first time was at age 14 or 15, and they didn't say it did them some sort of terrible harm...

    Let's say, hypothetically, that they are at no risk of making an unwanted baby/STD.

    What exactly is the danger there?
     
  12. codanblad a love of bridges Registered Senior Member

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    they'll not be able to deal emotionally, also girls might be considered whores.
     
  13. desi Valued Senior Member

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    The danger? Go visit the projects around where you live and knock on doors. Stop when you start to get the picture.
     
  14. Nasor Valued Senior Member

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    Well, sure. But we don't normally insist on perfect 100% safety for activities that teenagers commonly engage in. Like driving, for example. There are a lot more minor teens seriously injured in car crashes than there are minor teens who get pregnant. So do we tell teens that they can't drive because seatbelts and airbags aren't 100% effective? Or do we accept that there's a threshold of acceptable risk?
     
  15. CutsieMarie89 Zen Registered Senior Member

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    That's a good example, like driving there is an amount of maturity and responsibilty that comes along with a sexual relationship. 14 year olds are considered too young to drive as well. Could they handle an accident properly, contact all the proper authorities? Be able to pay for their tickets? Are they responisible enough to show up to court or even take care of a car? The same could be said of sex. Are they mature enough to handle certain situations or mature enough to handle it if birth control or a condom fails? And having dealt with young teens and their sexual health, I can safely say for the most part the answer is, no they aren't. And I wouldn't lend my car to a 13 year old either, nor would I encourage them to engage in a sexual relationship at 13 either.
     
  16. visceral_instinct Monkey see, monkey denigrate Valued Senior Member

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    What is 'not dealing emotionally' though?

    Do you mean feeling upset afterwards, or regret that they did not wait, treat the act with more emotional significance?

    That doesn't really count as a danger they need to be protected from.
     
  17. S.A.M. uniquely dreadful Valued Senior Member

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    Its about perception. Have you ever read any of those Victorian historical romances where a woman was "compromised" by a kiss and a "gentleman" could do no less than offer marriage to save her "honor"?

    Its kind of like that, its about perception.
     
  18. Nasor Valued Senior Member

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    True. But it's also an example of society being willing to accept a certain amount of risk. Which is why I didn't like clusteringflux's "No birth control method is 100% effective" comment. Most same people don't shoot for 100% safety, they decide what constitutes acceptable safety and shoot for that.
     
  19. francois Schwat? Registered Senior Member

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    I like sex.
     
  20. Read-Only Valued Senior Member

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    Ahhh - but that's *exactly* the problem here!

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    Most kids of 14 cannot accurately decide what constitutes "acceptable safety." They simply aren't mentally and factually prepared yet to make a reasonable decision. (Meaning they don't yet have enough information and lack the skills to add the proper weighting to the various aspects of that information.)
     
  21. kmguru Staff Member

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    Me too. Fooled around a lot when I was a teenager with no lasting negative impact on either side. :m:
     
  22. sifreak21 Valued Senior Member

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    lol u could get your overies taken out...
     
  23. visceral_instinct Monkey see, monkey denigrate Valued Senior Member

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    I'd venture that they could if they had all the clear hard facts, which is why they need better sex education.

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    It doesn't take a huge amount of cognitive ability to ask yourself what is the safest thing to do within reason.
     

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