What are your thoughts on internet bullying?

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by wegs, Oct 2, 2016.

  1. wegs Matter & Pixie Dust Valued Senior Member

    There have been many articles over the past few years, bringing attention to the fact that teenagers are committing suicide in large part, due to internet bullying. Usually, these teenagers knew their attackers, as they went to school with them. But, there are internet bullies in various places over the internet, message forums being one such place.

    First, do you believe there is such a thing as ''internet bullying?'' Second, have you ever felt the victim of it? Third, how do you deal with it?

    I hope to have a productive discussion on this topic.

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    Ethernos 1997 likes this.
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  3. geordief Valued Senior Member

    I thought internet bullying only arose when the victim was personally known to the perpetrators -and vice versa.

    So no,not personally .I can feel intimidated by force of argument but that may be as it should be.

    I think there was an instance on this forum quite recently that some may remember where a publicly identifiable member was subjected to a nasty smear . Not bullying perhaps but an attack which was repeated once or twice so perhaps intimidation might describe it.

    On forums such as this it is important to have good moderators so that decent members are not driven away by less savoury ones.
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  5. wegs Matter & Pixie Dust Valued Senior Member

    I think that might be the actual definition of it, but it can extend to forums, and other areas of the internet. Not necessarily that you feel threatened or anything of that nature, but rather you are being offended by someone, or perhaps ad homs are used as a way to defend points, but that really isn't good posting etiquette, on the part of the bully. I tend to liken internet bullying, barring the kind where teenagers are being targeted by their classmates, as someone who chronically offends people by using ad homs, and not really discussing the points of the poster. Maybe that's *my* definition. lol
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  7. Xelasnave.1947 Valued Senior Member

    I was targeted by a member here and I saw him as a bully.

    I don't know to this day what his problem was but although I finally attacked him and,I feel put him in his place, he never let up... but I found his performance comical.

    He was sent on holiday a few timed but never learnt from his mistake.

    But I now have him, and others whos views are irrelevant to me and dont play well with others, on ignore.

    They seek attention so deny them what they crave.

    When a kid our family moved often and so at each new school a bully would appear.
    I never wasted any time and always attacked like a mad dog the instant I could claim they started it.
    A punch on the nose and one to the mouth left them with something to think about.
    The punch to the nose always caused tears to well up and lots of blood (which freaked them out) and the ones to the mouth caused swelling so later all knew they had been hit.

    They were always bigger but could not fight. Fortunately I was trained very early by my grand father who told me if he caught me starting a fight I would get a flogging but if I lost a fight I would get a worse flogging.

    He never had to give me a flogging for either.

    Only one fight was more than a swift encounter but but they figured I would die rather than stop...so they got beaten.
    I hit this kid over and over but he just kept coming...
    The teacher stepped in an he was punished for picking on someone smaller than him.

    As to the character here I should have put him on ignore from day one given the way he carried on with other members.
    He mistook my politeness for weakness.
    And what a low attack he made.

    A total scum bag.

    Bullies are sorry individuals and one can reasonably assume at an earlier stage must have been victims or secretly hold a poor view of themselves.

    Who knows?

    Whenever at school if I found a kid bullying another kid I would attack immediately.

    I don't like bullies.

    Why can't everyone be kind to each other? How can someone enjoy making another sad?

    Ethernos 1997 and wegs like this.
  8. Seattle Valued Senior Member

    I think internet bullying is basically the situation described earlier, where the people know each other. The key is that the bully and the victim know each other and probably even more important are all the other people who are reading that the victim also knows.

    Regarding inappropriate behavior on forums. That's not really bullying as far as I'm concerned. It can be inappropriate behavior though. What bothers me more is an unclear line between a moderator and others.

    When someone is a moderator in some posts but is an active participant in other posts not as a moderator. Frequently such a person lectures as a moderator while pretending to wear another cap. When "attacked" they just suddenly pull out the moderator cap.

    I personally find this more offensive than some inappropriate post by a stranger online.
    Ethernos 1997 and wegs like this.
  9. wegs Matter & Pixie Dust Valued Senior Member

    I'm sorry to hear of this, you seem like a kind man, who takes the time to post in a respectful way. Never really easy to reason with a bully, and no sense in figuring out what motivates him/her.

    That's probably wiser than letting him affect you.

    Oh my! lol That was definitely motivation. As a woman, I've never had any fist fights with anyone in my life, but was bullied like many kids were when I was a kid. I never really fought back, but over time, those bullies would bully the wrong person one day, met their match so to speak. I'm not going to let someone's vile behavior make me a different person, stooping to their level.

    That's spot on to what it actually is about, they mistake politeness for weakness, and they also seem like an angry lot, if you ask me.

    Because people who are hurting, usually seek to hurt others, is the only viable explanation I can find for the behavior. I'm with you, why can't everyone just be kind? Even if you disagree with someone, you don't have to throw out ad homs and insults. Thanks for sharing all this with us.
  10. wegs Matter & Pixie Dust Valued Senior Member

    In thinking about it, maybe 'bully' is the wrong word?

    lol I know you've mentioned this before, not sure what you mean.

    If he/she bears the title of moderator, then he/she is ''always'' a moderator, is how I see it. So, interacting with a mod in a thread, or with another poster, shouldn't bear any difference. And not sure if you've ever visited sites where there are moderators, but little to no moderation, but it's really crappy. lol
  11. sculptor Valued Senior Member

    The first question seems to be: What makes a bully a bully?
    Why does some poor pathetic wretch need to bully someone else?
    What is it that drives them(him or her) to need this seeming victory?
    wegs likes this.
  12. Seattle Valued Senior Member

    No one likes a bully. That's more or less a given I think. On the other hand some people are more easily offended than others so if bullying isn't the correct word then the concept that we are discussing isn't "bullying" either.

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  13. Seattle Valued Senior Member

    Having a discussion when a moderator jumps in to lecture but doesn't use the green wording. So, this is posting not as a moderator. However, if you question this post as you would be able to question anyone else's post...suddenly the green wording comes out to put you in your place.

    This is abuse of the moderator function on most forums. Here, with the endless banned list, it is in fact intended to be intimidation. This kind of "moderation" isn't needed on a forum that has so few posting members.
  14. wegs Matter & Pixie Dust Valued Senior Member


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    I'm not easily offended, but I don't like when posters insult people instead of sticking with the thread topic. Discuss the topic, not the poster. If the behavior is chronic, it's bullying like Xelasnave mentioned above in his example.

    You seem to manage on here without insulting. It can be done.

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    (For the record, the motivation for this thread topic didn't come from anyone on here or this site.)
    Seattle likes this.
  15. Xelasnave.1947 Valued Senior Member

    That's a wonderful attitude.
    My regret as far as the member here I speak of, is that I find I called him a scum bag and in so doing have given him an undeserved victory.
    wegs likes this.
  16. wegs Matter & Pixie Dust Valued Senior Member

    To Seattle - the numbers are growing here. Forums sometimes go in cycles, so I see new names here and hopefully, the site will continue to grow. But, it definitely won't grow without moderation and rules. Unless you like a Lord of the Flies type of environment. lol

    To Xelasnave - Ah don't have regrets. I understand what you're feeling, and the key is to just not engage. Being the type to naturally steer clear of conflict, it's not that hard to flee the scene, but sometimes I wonder if that's always the best thing to do when faced with adverse people.
  17. Xelasnave.1947 Valued Senior Member

    In spite of the impression I have given re my childhood I think walking away is best.
    Nutters are usually looking for a play mate, if you leave the scene they simply find someone else and focus on them.
    sculptor and wegs like this.
  18. paddoboy Valued Senior Member

    While that is certainly admirable and the best way with cyber bullies, we are all different. BTW, I can 100% vouch for the "scum bag" that outrageously insulted Xelesnave, and the poor excuse for an apology that was eventually forthcoming, was with and under his "conditions" The same scumbag would have been banned elsewhere.

    It's sad that cyber bullying does have some effect on some people, but as someone said, in most incidents with that happening, they know each other.
    On adhoms and insults in general on science forums, my attitude is "sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me"
    As someone has also said though, some people are more offended then others.
    And of course the definition/s of adhoms and insults vary from person to person, and when that is coupled with some hypocrisy, then we have the debacle where someone is claiming you are insulting, defaming them, while their own insults and defamation/s are viewed in their eyes as "justified."

    On bullies in general, and in real life, then yes, I believe the best way to deal with them is to inflict the pain on them that they inflict on others.
    My first ever account with a bully was when I was around 9 years old.
    I had finally achieved in getting a "Coca Cola" badge, [the in thing at that time and what all my friends already had] I was in the school yard with my badge pinned on my lapel and carrying my globite school case, when this boy around 2 years older than me, and a renowned bully, ripped it off me and threw it on a roof. As he stood there laughing, In my anger, I swung the globite case around with all my might and hit him fair square on the side of his face.
    Luckily at the same time, the head Brother/school Principal came around the corner and dragged us both into a room. He asked me first what had happened and why I did what I did. I told him, and he gave me a pat on the head and sent me off on my way home. My adversary after receiving some minor medical attention was informed that finally his bullying had received its just desserts and he too was sent on his way.
    My second experience was not in relation to myself but many years later after my first Son was born. He was around 4 years old and we had just moved into a new house. Our neighbours a couple of houses down the road had a boy the same age as my Son, with two older brothers.
    My Son started to come home frequently crying and when asked what was wrong, informed us that Andrew [the boy his age] was constantly hitting him.
    [my Son was far the bigger of the two but my wife was telling him virtually never to hit anyone and turn the other cheek so to speak]
    This was infuriating me and finally on around the 8th or 9th occasion that he came in crying, I got to him first. I informed him that if he kept coming back hole crying after Andrew hit him, it would continue to go on and on and on.
    I told my young bloke in no uncertain terms, that when Andrew hit him, to hit him back as hard as he could.
    My boy informed me that the two older brothers were always around [apparently egging on Andrew to hit my boy]
    I told him that nothing would happen and not be afraid.
    Sure enough the next day Andrew again hit my Son: My Son did what I told him to do and knocked Andrew on his bum. The two older brothers did nothing as I was present and I then had a talk with them and his parents.
    Since that day 33 years ago, they have remained the best of friends, each being the best man at each others wedding, and his parents and myself and my wife the best of friends.
    Xelasnave.1947 and wegs like this.
  19. Dr_Toad It's green! Valued Senior Member

    People love me in real life, so I act like an ass sometimes on the 'net just to get some licks in.

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    I was the target of some bullies in grade school and a bit in middle school, but after I learned to fight and knocked out one asshole's front teeth it all seemed to settle down.

    Damn the infection, though. I'll never do that again: Next time I hit someone in the face it will be with a weapon.

    No more bullies! Like magic...
    Xelasnave.1947 likes this.
  20. Stoniphi obscurely fossiliferous Valued Senior Member

    After 43 years of Taekwondo and specializing in power breaking techniques, I am concerned about the damage I would do if I actually hit someone. I am always armed. I am harassed by real world bullies a couple of times a year, but none have actually swung on me in many years. All talk. I just do the Buddhist thing, smile and wish them well while staring them in the eyes. I believe my self - confidence to be unnerving to an opponent. I look a lot like my avi, am frequently mistaken for military or LEO.

    I agree with Toad on the infection thing as well. Ow!
    Dr_Toad and wegs like this.
  21. sculptor Valued Senior Member

    is short for avatar?
  22. The God Valued Senior Member

    You have to get to details...

    1. A spammer, who spams your inbox with nonsense mails/SMS.. Can be easily handled.

    2. A spammer / or a blackmailer who morphs your image and makes it obscene and then sends it to you and threatens/blackmails...Do not try to personally handle him, take help.

    3. A person who has actually got hold of some uncomfortable matter about you and then blackmails you over internet.....if identity is known, you can try force otherwise its prudent to take police help. Blackmailing never ceases.

    4. A Facebook friend turned nasty fellow....do not give in to pressure, face him, take help.

    5. Now comes the message Board, where generally identity is not known, then ignore and let the Mods handle.

    Having said this, I am the bully of Xelasnave. But I am not a bully neither in real life nor in cyber. This is an eye opener example why Xelasnave feels that I am bully for him.

    Actually Xelasnave and Paddoboy appeared to have formed a self praise collaboration, a must 'no' in such public forums, it also came out in the discussion that Xelasnave has not much science wducation., still he started preaching. His goody goody talk became so made up, that I found him something else, a soft spoken guy but actually very mean. He claimed himself to be hermit, but he boasted of scoring best with the girls. All made up..( you engage him bit longer you will know that).

    One day I made a mistake, on some of his comments I made a post that I will keep my children (I have a group of underprivileged children with me) away from him. It was not intended and I apologized on prompting of one of the members but few posters (my good friends!) pounced upon me. But Xelasnave came in open and proved me right. I remember this very phrase (keeping children away from someone) was used by one of the Mods, as unintended as I used.

    PS: Did you notice the collaboration between them here on this thread against me? Who is bullying whom? I am not and they cannot.
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2016
  23. sculptor Valued Senior Member

    Someone posted that hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is the opposite of love.

    If you ain't physically constrained you ain't never gotta play with bullies.
    If you ain't got no choice, then make 'em hurt, and make 'em hurt fast. (unless, of course, the bully is also a masochist)

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    that being said
    Sometimes during my youth, I would engage just for the hell of it---------I referred to these contests as "the asshole of the month contest".
    Maybe I'm older and wiser, or maybe just lazier, but I don't do that no more.
    Xelasnave.1947, Dr_Toad and wegs like this.

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