Washington Post Weekly Word Contest

Discussion in 'Linguistics' started by Grantywanty, Dec 2, 2007.

  1. Grantywanty Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,888
    The winners are:
    1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

    2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

    3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

    4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk

    5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

    6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
    answer the door in your nightgown.

    7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

    8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavoured mouthwash.

    9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run
    over by a steamroller.

    10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

    11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

    12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

    13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

    14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

    15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when
    you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

    16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish
    men
     
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  3. Fraggle Rocker Staff Member

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    24,690
    The results of this week's contest:

    There weren't a lot of good ones, and frankly most of them strayed too far from linguistics to post here, but here are a couple of funny ones.

    The rules were: Supply some fictitious revelations about a current or former politician.
    This is actually of linguistic interest. Kennedy went to Berlin. Apparently he had studied German briefly and was anxious to show off, so he said to the crowd there, Ich bin ein Berliner! He thought he was saying, "I am a citizen of Berlin, like you." He didn't understand that you don't use the definite article before a word indicating membership in a nation or other place or group, because it's not a noun in that case. You just say, "Ich bin berliner," using it as an adjective to mean, "I am Berlinese," or whatever the English word would be if we had one. The noun ein Berliner is a colloquial term for a jelly doughnut, sort of like our noun "a Danish" meaning a type of pastry. So he was saying to the Germans, "I am a doughnut." At the time, in L.A., the word "doughnut" was briefly in vogue meaning "a fool," so we all had a good laugh over that one.

    To get back on topic, the joke is that if he had gone to Hamburg, he would have said, Ich bin ein Hamb├╝rger!
    In those days, with the Iron Curtain going up, Moammar Qadafi of Libya and Fidel Castro of Cuba were two of our worst enemies. They're still our enemies of course but they get no press at all since 9/11. Instead, Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden are at the top of that list, and the joke is that he changed his name to Barack Hussein Obama. "His first name rhymes with Iraq, his last name rhymes with Osama, and his middle name rhymes with... no wait a minute, his middle name actually IS Hussein!"
    I don't know what the internet is like where you live, but in America we are bombarded with e-mails from the "Nigerian Finance Minister" begging for help in arranging wire transfers of the funds in his country's treasury to safer locations, by using our checking accounts as intermediaries. To do this, all we have to do is pay a "small administrative fee" of a few thousand dollars, and we will be rewarded many times over for our assistance.

    No, this has nothing to do with linguistics.

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    I couldn't possibly explain this one to a foreigner.

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  5. Spud Emperor solanaceous common tater Registered Senior Member

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    O.K...
    Shithouse, but here goes;

    Condescending(v) Greek parachutist.
    Gustav(n) Prima donna on a hunger strike.
    Roman(n)Wandering all over the place, wouldn't know his arse from his elbow
    Fluctuation(v) Thai girl on a mission
    Fluctuations( V) Fluct you Westerners as well.
    Theist(N) Thee ist thine one( He hast been telling mine so)
    Fraggle Rocker( n)same to you fella.
    Dogmatic(adj) kills babies on autopilot
    Linguistics(N) Fish meets music meets pasta
    pasta(n) saucy Italian priest.
    metronome(n) funky little time keeper.
    castaway(n)+ ( adj) Actors strike/on holiday in south pacific.

    etc.
     
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  7. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    33,264
    :roflmao::xctd:

    I actually laughed outloud when I saw that one.

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  8. Spud Emperor solanaceous common tater Registered Senior Member

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    Rectum(n)sure didn't do 'em any good.
     
  9. Fraggle Rocker Staff Member

    Messages:
    24,690
    From today's Style Invitational: Write the motto or tourist slogan for a country.

    The winner. ENGLAND: Lie back and think of us.

    Runners-up:
    • USA: We make the world a warmer place.
    • Burma: What happens in Burma REALLY stays in Burma.
    • France: Visit, if you must. (Sigh.)
    Others:
    • Austria: No kangaroos.
    • Bermuda: Come lose yourself.
    • Burkina Faso: Not your father's Upper Volta.
    • We need no signs
      Nor shaving cream
      Nor your dissent
      For our regime
      Burma.
    • China: Come visit your money.
    • Germany: It is not necessary to have a humorous slogan.
    • Germany: Genocide-free since 1945.
    • Greenland: Site of the 2060 Summer Olympics.
    • India: For more information press 1.
    • Iran: We're gonna party like it's 999.
    • Iran: World's largest non-American theocracy.
    • Come visit Liechtenstein, just don't all come at once.
    • Mexico: A little less crowded every day.
    • Monaco: Disneyland for adults, and almost twice as large.
    • Myanmar: We liked "Burma" better too, but these new guys have guns.
    • Norway: Just a little to the left of Sweden.
    • Pakistan: Heir today, gone tomorrow.
    • Qatar: Wish U were here.
    • Tibet: Doormat to China.
    And the last one...
    • Bosnia: The peaceful land surrounded by nations of murderous thieves.
    • Croatia: The peaceful land surrounded by nations of murderous thieves.
    • Macedonia: The peaceful land surrounded by nations of murderous thieves.
    • Montenegro: The peaceful land surrounded by nations of murderous thieves.
    • Serbia: The peaceful land surrounded by nations of murderous thieves.
    • Slovenia: The peaceful land surrounded by nations of murderous thieves.
     

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