Universe Crueler, More Uncaring Place Than Previously Thought

Discussion in 'Astronomy, Exobiology, & Cosmology' started by pluto2, Dec 15, 2013.

  1. pluto2 Banned Valued Senior Member

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    PRINCETON, NJ—The universe, long known as a bleak and unforgiving place where essentially nothing matters, is in fact even crueler and more heartless than previously thought, according to a startling report published Tuesday by scientists at the Institute for Advanced Study.

    “That the world we inhabit is brutal, cold, and meaningless has of course been established scientific fact for quite some time,” said Dr. Susan Doname, head of the research team that conducted the comprehensive five-year study. “But shockingly, our most recent findings indicate that the brutality, coldness, and meaninglessness are far, far more extreme than we ever realized.”

    “In fact, the utter futility of it all is a staggering 1.43 million times worse than predicted by our earlier estimates,” she added.

    The report explains that when it comes to measuring the complete purposelessness of existence, such impossible-to-reconcile-with-a-caring-God phenomena as earthquakes, disease, famine, and basic human cruelty are “small potatoes, really.” It goes on to state that research in the field has long underestimated the grim discoveries of the past century: threats such as global thermonuclear war, manmade super flus, total environmental collapse, an entirely random meteor strike wiping out all life in a single blow, and so on.

    According to the latest statistics, the universe has up to 71 percent less redemption and 87 percent less forgiveness than was once thought, along with an IBK (Indicators of Basic Kindness) rating that has dropped by 52 percent. At the same time, the universe’s general indifference to suffering of all kinds is about a third higher than originally calculated.

    Complicating matters is new data that indicates love, often cited as the key mitigating factor against the inevitability of existential gloom, lacks the transcendent power it was once believed to have.

    “We used to think love had a very major role to play in shaping the universe,” Doname said. “It turns out we were way off on that one. We now more fully understand that everyone and everything a human being loves will one day cease to be, having existed as little more than the smallest of blips in the vast expanse of the cosmos.”

    “Though to be fair, even that description overstates the case,” she continued. “Whereas we used to believe life on earth constituted but the tiniest imaginable speck in the history of the universe, this latest research shows that it’s not even a speck. It’s not anything at all, really. Statistically speaking, it’s nothing.”

    The study also reportedly provides the first definitive evidence that there is absolutely no universal creative force that binds existence together, that we are all horribly alone in this place, and that the reason no one has ever been able to find any true meaning in life is because there is none there to be found.

    The scientists acknowledged their research “unfortunately leaves the human soul vastly fewer resources with which to sustain itself,” and apologized for earlier miscalculations that may have left people with the smallest bit of hope, however false. But they stood by their findings, stating that the entire natural order of things “is just a whole lot crueler than we ever thought possible.”

    While the groundbreaking discovery has reportedly served as a source of great despair for many members of the human race, others reached for comment seemed to take the news more or less in stride.

    “I just spent the past 18 hours sewing labels onto brand-name sports apparel,” said Lau Mei-Yee, a 33-year-old garment worker in China’s Guangdong province. “Please stop asking me questions so I can collect my $3.60 in wages, go back to the dormitory I share with eight other people, and get some sleep before my next shift.”

    http://v.theonion.com/onionmedia/videos/videometa/1721/zen_mp4.mp4
    http://www.theonion.com/articles/universe-crueler-more-uncaring-place-than-previous,33030/

    Seems like H. P. Lovecraft's cosmicism has been proven right, in a way.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cosmicism
     
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  3. Captain Kremmen All aboard, me Hearties! Valued Senior Member

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    You do realise that this is a joke?
     
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  5. pluto2 Banned Valued Senior Member

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    I don't think they were joking, although they could be. Why do you think this is a joke?
     
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  7. dlorde Registered Member

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    It comes from The Onion. Have you read The Onion?
     
  8. pluto2 Banned Valued Senior Member

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  9. dlorde Registered Member

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    That's right.
     
  10. Russ_Watters Not a Trump supporter... Valued Senior Member

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  11. pluto2 Banned Valued Senior Member

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    Parody is an imitation .

    "A parody (/ˈpærədi/; also called spoof, send-up or lampoon), in current use, is an imitative work created to mock, comment on or trivialize[citation needed] an original work, its subject, author, style, or some other target, by means of satiric or ironic imitation. As the literary theorist Linda Hutcheon puts it, "parody … is imitation, not always at the expense of the parodied text." Another critic, Simon Dentith, defines parody as "any cultural practice which provides a relatively polemical allusive imitation of another cultural production or practice."[1] Parody may be found in art or culture, including literature, music (although "parody" in music has an earlier, somewhat different meaning than for other art forms), animation, gaming and film."

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parody
     
  12. Captain Kremmen All aboard, me Hearties! Valued Senior Member

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    “I just spent the past 18 hours sewing labels onto brand-name sports apparel,” said Lau Mei-Yee, a 33-year-old garment worker in China’s Guangdong province. “Please stop asking me questions so I can collect my $3.60 in wages, go back to the dormitory I share with eight other people, and get some sleep before my next shift.”

    Why should such a terrible existence, where life has become deliberately mechanized, exploitative, and joyless, be a source of humour?
    Particularly when it is descriptive of an existence currently experienced by millions of people.
    I find that hard to explain, but it is amusing.
    It makes me laugh, but it also makes me angry.
     
  13. Russ_Watters Not a Trump supporter... Valued Senior Member

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    So then that's a no. No, you don't know what a parody is. Please read the definition a little more carefully.
     
  14. Mazulu Banned Banned

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    Technically, cosmicism is actually incorrect for the following reason. It takes a consciousness to recognize something as important or insignificant. The only place where conscoiusness is known to exist is on the earth. On the earth, humanity is very significant, either to ourselves (each other) or to other species that have consciousness. Our pets have consciousness and they love us. Sharks don't think we taste good. Elephants think were squishy.
     
  15. Fraggle Rocker Staff Member

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    Well... parody is, indeed, a sort of imitation, but that's not the point! So he got it half right. Just the wrong half.

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  16. Mazulu Banned Banned

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    I watched the video. I thought it was pretty funny, ... in a cold and cruel sort of way. It just sort of makes me wonder if the earth is the only planet in the universe that has life on it. Imagine if we were alone in the universe AND there is not God. What if we are totally alone? What if the universe just popped into existence for no reason, and earth is the only planet where life sprang up, anywhere? What if there are no other dimensions or planes of existence? What if we are truly alone? What if there are no other lifeforms or consciousnessness anywhere in existence to observe us and/or hold any opinion of us? What if we are unobserved? No monster gods, no god at all, no aliens, nothing,... except for a fungus on a planet in a far away galaxy that we'll never get to travel to.

    We can't even seed life throughout the cosmos because of the laws of physics. It's like we're imprisoned on a planet, but there is no jailer. Imprisoned, in the dark, forever.
     
  17. Boris2 Valued Senior Member

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    sounds like a good reason to make this life count and not hope for something better after you're dead.
     
  18. siledre Registered Senior Member

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    this article is 10% more cruel than the findings since there are people that will believe it.
     
  19. Mazulu Banned Banned

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    Actually, it's a good reason to do anything you like. You could spend your whole life researching cosmology, ... or playing Dungeon's & Dragons. You could be a skeptic or a believer. But between you and me, being a believer is probably more fun than being a skeptic.
     
  20. billvon Valued Senior Member

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    Well, it certainly takes a lot less effort.
     
  21. Russ_Watters Not a Trump supporter... Valued Senior Member

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    Yeah, yeah - but if the wrong half is the lesser half, is it really half?

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  22. billvon Valued Senior Member

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    Reminds me of a recent study of people who watch the Colbert Show:

    ==============
    This study investigated biased message processing of political satire in The Colbert Report and the influence of political ideology on perceptions of Stephen Colbert. Results indicate that political ideology influences biased processing of ambiguous political messages and source in late-night comedy. Using data from an experiment (N = 332), we found that individual-level political ideology significantly predicted perceptions of Colbert's political ideology. Additionally, there was no significant difference between the groups in thinking Colbert was funny, but conservatives were more likely to report that Colbert only pretends to be joking and genuinely meant what he said while liberals were more likely to report that Colbert used satire and was not serious when offering political statements. Conservatism also significantly predicted perceptions that Colbert disliked liberalism.
    ==============
     
  23. Russ_Watters Not a Trump supporter... Valued Senior Member

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    Really?
     

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