To smack or not to smack....that is the question!

Discussion in 'Ethics, Morality, & Justice' started by lucifers angel, May 13, 2008.

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Is smacking a child right?

Poll closed May 23, 2008.
  1. yes, some kids need a spanking

    9 vote(s)
    50.0%
  2. no, find some other form of punishment

    5 vote(s)
    27.8%
  3. if you smack your child, you are a bully!

    4 vote(s)
    22.2%
  1. lucifers angel same shit, differant day!! Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    7,590
    Is smacking a child wrong?

    I say yes, because for me its one step closer to abuse, and if you smack a child they very rarely learn anything from it, a smack is over and done with in seconds, other constructive methods of punishments are not,

    i know people who smack they're kids and they're kids, are withdrawn and are very quiet, and not like young children at all, they walk around with they're heads to the ground, and will not dare to look at anyone in the face!

    If a child is doing somthing really wrong is it ok, to smack that child?
    also, if a child is smacked a lot by the mum and dad, then would that turn the kids into bullies, if its wrong to hit someone then its wrong in either case?

    also, what would you smack a child with? a hand? cane? rolled up newspaper? slipper?
     
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  3. Tiassa Let us not launch the boat ... Staff Member

    Messages:
    36,835
    Not much of a question (says me) ....

    Violence begets violence.

    The idea that we're teaching children by striking them, while popular, is a bit shaky. What we're actually teaching them is to use violence to get what they want.
     
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  5. synthesizer-patel Sweep the leg Johnny! Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    2,267
    I used to think it didn't do much harm - then I saw the "supernanny" series on TV.

    Using nothing but positive reinforcement, I've seen this woman transform the most sickening little bastard brats into wonderful well adjusted kids in a matter of weeks.

    Her view - "If you hit a kid, it means you've lost it, YOU'RE supposed to be the adult, YOU'RE supposed to be in control, not them."


    Should be compulsary viewing for all parents
     
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  7. clusteringflux Version 1. OH! Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    2,766
    I was spanked everyday and I deserved every one of them..I truley think it saved me from the real beatings life can dish out by making me stop and think about my actions..Timeouts and treats would've never worked on a child like myself.
     
  8. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    33,264
    Striking children should be done without inflicting allot of pain that would cause bruising or welts. A firm strike is a very good idea to do as long as you don't hit with violence but with love. To many times people actually beat their kids that causes black and blue marks and that's not what hitting a kid is for. It is only meant to teach them not to do something. That being said you can only hit kids so much and if they don't learn by the hits then you aren't going to solve anything. You should ALWAYS start by trying to talk to kids BEFORE you start to hit them. Talking to them should stop many of the problems but if that doesn't work that a gentle reminder on the butt would be very useful.

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  9. synthesizer-patel Sweep the leg Johnny! Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    2,267
    I often derserve one too - I just can't afford them that often now I have to pay for them

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    The mistake most parents make, is to only pay attention to their kids when they misbehave - think about it - how many parents do you know / or see who will completely ignore their kids when they are playing nicely and only get involved when they start throwing their toys around.

    They inadvertently teach their kids that the way to get attention from their parents (which is what all kids crave) is to be a little shit.
    Now you can lose control and belt them when it gets to this stage, or you can take control and avoid the situation arising by interacting with your kids in a positive way when they are behaving well - and by ignoring them completely when they misbehave.
    If you had asked me about this approach a few years ago I would have told you it was bleeding heart liberal bullshit - having seen how astonishingly well it performs compared to a traditional disciplinarian approach I'm 100% converted.
     
  10. kazakhan Registered Abuser Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    915
  11. draqon Banned Banned

    Messages:
    35,006
    Spank those children
     
  12. ravosk Registered Member

    Messages:
    36
    Letting kids do what they want and paying no notice could likely lead to them doing worse things to get your attention. This may not be the case for you but, how far are kids willing to push boundaries? Will it get to the stage were a 13 yr old can throw some one on to a bonfire and not be punished by their parents.......before anyone says that is way to extreme and may not happen, it did last bonfire night. It's crazy.

    I'm all for discipline but I don't know how far I'd go. Speaking from experience it's not nice to be hit.....and i didn't get spanked I got caned.....damn bamboo sticks. My hands were red for ages. But I don't think it stopped me from doing whatever it was I'd done again.
     
  13. Asguard Kiss my dark side Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    23,049
    its interesting, i am of the opinion that if you teach a child that because you have the strength you can do anything you want that is a bad message to send where as my partner is of the opinion that anything to control the child goes. We will probably still be having this debate when we actually DO have kids

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  14. ElectricFetus Sanity going, going, gone Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    18,523
    I've seen it with my own eyes, some kids need spankings, if your try to raise a kid and non-corporal punishment is not working, for the love of god beat the brat! Its all about the kid, some kids never need to be spanked, other need military school. In short like adults children are individuals that need specific guidance that is adapted to that specific child's needs, all those 'how to raise a child' guide books are pure BS, raising a child is not some recipe you can follow out of a guide book! One child may be raise with kind warning being all that is needed, while the other may need well delivered smacks 'upside the head... after calling s/he mother a "bitch" for example, the other child by the way would never even think of using profanity, let alone on s/he parents! See what I mean by every child is a individual?
     
  15. Asguard Kiss my dark side Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    23,049
    EF who ever said profanity was so wrong anyway?

    How many adults here use it?
    I know i do so it would be hypocritical in the extreem if i disiplened my child for doing it, its like that McCains ad. The girl gets in the car and sticks her tongue out at this boy and the mother asks "wasnt that your friend". The kid responds "no hes a bloody idiot" and the mother responds "how dare you use such filth, where do you pick it up" only to then be cut off by another driver. The mother then windes the window down and shouts "bloody idiot, cant you see i have a kid in the car" and then looks shocked at her daughter.

    Its ridiculas that we impose strictures on our childnren that we dont impose on ourselves, if there was less "do as i say not as i do" then kids might actually grow up more the way we expect rather than picking up our OWN bad habits
     
  16. ElectricFetus Sanity going, going, gone Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    18,523
    Who ever said it was right? May argument was not really about profanity, the example was about grossly disrespecting your mother, "That bitch made you and she can unmake you!"

    By your logic If you smoke crack your in no position to tell your child not to.

    We usually want our children to come out better then we are, not the same or worse.
     
  17. Asguard Kiss my dark side Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    23,049
    actually no, my argument is that if your SMOKING crack how can you tell your kid not to. Like those parents who take the smoke out of there mouth long enough to say "dont you dare smoke"
    "why"
    *puft* "because i said so"

    Yes there are reasons why you might be hooked and not want your kids to start (i defininitly wouldnt want MY kids to start smoking even though i do) yet you have to explaine WHY you still smoke when you dont want your kids to
     
  18. ElectricFetus Sanity going, going, gone Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    18,523
    I never said you can't explain why.

    Don't smoke.

    Why?

    Look what it did to me.

    ...OH shit! Why do you keep smoking?!?

    Because the cigarettes won't let me stop.. what that my little cancer stick... you want me to smoke another pack of you? No problem! It's not like I need that money for my kids college or something.


    HEY! YOU NEED TO STOP SMOKING
     
  19. Asguard Kiss my dark side Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    23,049
    EF that isnt how most parents work though. Mostly it goes this way

    Parent "dont do this"
    kid "but why mummy"
    Parent "because i told you to and if you do i will knock your block off"

    and people wonder why kids do the exact oposite.
     
  20. ElectricFetus Sanity going, going, gone Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    18,523
    Well that has nothing to do with corporal punishment and everything to do with lazy parents. If you tell a child not to do something, like "throw rocks at other people" and even explain why "it could hurt them, they could hurt you, etc" and the child does it anyways, you need to punish, and up the punishment each time.
     
  21. Bells Staff Member

    Messages:
    24,062
    That show is also highly edited.

    I have a two and a half year old and you have no idea how hard it is to sometimes not hit. When he is awake, he has our attention 100% of the time. And even then, he will misbehave. He'll throw a car at his little brother's head, at our heads, throw a tantrum.. he'll act like a two year old. When he acts like a brat, we lock him in his room, because by that point, we're (his parents) are both so angry that the temptation to hit him is strong. The only time he has ever been spanked was when he bit his father so hard on the shoulder that he drew blood.. he wouldn't let go and any attempts to remove him only made him bite down harder.. don't ask me why he did it.. they were playing with their dad and he wanted a hug and he just chomped down hard. He was given a light tap on his well padded backside and roundly told off for having done so, then sent to his room. He had been sent to his room on previous occasions for biting and he repeated the behaviour. That was a couple of months ago and he has not repeated the behaviour again since that last time when he was smacked. We are just thankful it was not his baby brother that he bit.

    We don't advocate hitting. Far from it. I would rather not hit. When the temptation to give him a smack is there, he is sent to his room. The one time he was smacked was for good cause. He barely felt it, I think it was just the shock of being put over his father's knee and feeling the light smack through his nappy was enough to send a strong message. He didn't like it one bit. And thus, he has not bitten again. If he does do so, we will deal with it as the situation warrants. I can't say now he will not be smacked in the future. As I said before, we deal with each situation as it arises. At present, it is avoided, but if all else fails, then that light little tap on his backside will be seen as the last resort.
     
  22. ElectricFetus Sanity going, going, gone Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    18,523
    Bells

    Why the butt? My grandfather nello stile di vecchi paesi would smack you on the bottom of the feet. It makes good sense as children feet lack callus, the feet are more sensitive then the butt (especially the toes), its not kinky, and it leaves a real aching pain for some time.
     
  23. Bells Staff Member

    Messages:
    24,062
    Why would I want to inflict that kind of pain (or any other type of pain) on my kids?:bugeye:

    The "smack" was not meant to inflict pain. If it is, it is no longer a "smack" but would classify as a beating.
     

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