The Psychology of the Single Female, a plausible explanation and analysis??

There's more to it than *just* confidence

10: Infection: avoid the unhappy and the unlucky.

That speaks truth.

Everything doesn't rely on confidence alone. You have to be cocky, funny, and so on.

Zero, let us in on your situation, what's happening?

 

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No it doesn't, but confidence is a major factor in my opinion. To be "cocky" or "funny", one has to be confident. Although many women I know are turned off by cockiness. People that are nothing but funny jokers are turn-offs in the long run too. The women that I know, in the long run, want someone that they can genuinely talk to.

 

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I am Oriental, she is Caucasian. I am 100% americanized, I use perfect english, but I also speak my native language perfectly. Well, I haven't mastered it as well as english, but I can reasonably live there without looking like a gaijin.

I can make her laugh, she likes (or so she says) my randomness (unpredictability), none of us have any racial issues (or so it seems), and I am one of the rare type of guys who do not look for sex in a relationship. Believe it or not, I look for *gasp* companionship and someone to talk to. I talk a lot but I can also listen. I love any music, and she happens to be musical. Her playing entrances me. I'm sure she's noticed.

My weak point is that whiel I do respect other people, I have little self rspect. I tend to blame myself, I tend to think abou others being far superior to me (isn't that true? Who in the world with a sane mind would like ME? moi?), etc etc. But that is just something in the heart, not a mental ilness or anything. And the fact that you need self respect to respect others does not seem to apply to me. I respect her, (I absolutely cherish her).

We are working on a project together with one other girl (that makes 3). Right now she has no clue what I am thinking. We are still "friends" at the moment, no mention of love has come up.

 

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Ah. Okay I can help you. Caucasian women play the meanest mind games and least trust worthy. In their culture, you begin by playing innocent. (or playing dumb). Flirt with her and see how it goes. If you are not good with flirting get some practice. Don't go need to look at stuff on the web for that. Use your common sense. Observe their body language. When you flirt make sure you don't look creepy and desperate. You want to look cool and calm. When you flirt, you want to throw as many curve balls as you can. That is really hard to explain. If she is interested, you would know. You will expect some cold shoulders though. That only means she is in a pissy mood or having PMS. She could still be interested in you.

In the place I am from, Asian guys have the reputation of being shy, level headed, and passive. A lot of time if a caucasian gal likes you she will make the move instead.

Well, good luck and have safe sex.

edit to add: dating is not a science. don't over analyze.

 

Shy, level headed and passive? That's me!

Hmm...flirting? I can stop myself form looking creepy or desperate, though. I might be pathetic, bt not retarded.


Cool, then she might make first move. Or shall I? I'm not exactly the expert at making first moves.


Xev, any thoughts?

 

Zero, In the US it's generally expected that men make the first move. This is definitely not a rule, but a loose expectation. Many women do make a first move, but generally they tend to be more outgoing. The way you described her she didn't seem to be an extrovertive type. I am only going by what I've read however.

I'd just ask her to do something simple with you. Like go to coffee, or hang out at your place, etc. You don't have to make it a big thing. That way you both can test the waters. Also don't plan it all out. Start thinking of activities you would like to do with people, have a "library" of things to do, and then you can automatically pull one out of the hat spontaneously when the situation calls for it.

Just my advice. I wish I could carry through with my own advice sometimes though

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Zero:

I dunno. I can never make the first move, and never have (seeing as I have the social skills of a decapitated lemur).

If she's a nerd, she may well be shy, and if she's shy, you'll need to make the first move.

It's common practice for men to make the first move, as Xenu said.

 

Cockiness alone is bad, you have to be cocky + funny.

But anyway, "genuinely"...

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Still thinking it attributes to "fakeness" eh?

 

Confidence is the key to women, but control is the key to confidence

You are Oriental!! Cool, I am full-azn here...anyway gauge her attraction level...look deep into her eyes.

For others, it's take practice to actually doing it to let her eyes dilate...it produces a cool effect

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Anyway don't be shy, be determined and confident in what you do. Dependency = fear to women.

Don't seek approval from her, she has to seek approval from you, you are the man. Argue with her opinions, seeking approval and agreeing with everything she says is weak, worshipping, and signifies you can't take care of yourself.

Have confidence in yourself.

 

you? With the social skills of a lemur?? No way, you're very social and outgoing. I'm the one with the social skills of a decap-lem whaever. But I do make up for it in other ways.

I could theoretically make first move, but does it mean that it is over if I blow it in the first round? How do I know if I blew it in the first move?


And after I make the opening moves, are there any good strategies for taking control of the center, and finally forcing her into "mate"? (sounds a bit sick, I'm talking about checkmate here...indicating mission accomplished!)

More suggestions from the experienced, meanwhile I am steadily building up the momentum. She still has no clue, and I am throwing smoke screens aroudn by randomly having animated conversations with other girls as well (can't go anywhere, we are both stuck in a sci camp in teh middle of nowhere.). Just so that no unpleasant rumors don't spread, "hey look so and so has a crush on so and so" etc etc and on comes the deadly barrage of feminine giggling and social disgrace. My smoke screens are working pretty well , but any suggestions? I don't want to overdo it and I'll need somethign else, too.

And some suggestions for the big play will be welcome, I have to do it sooner or later. Thanks.

 

"No. It is never over until we say it is over. Was it over when the Germans bombed the pearl harbor? Hell no"

If you ask her to "do something" and she is in a big shock, then you are in trouble. If you ask her out, she should know to expect something like that from you. If you have been acting like a "friend" the whole time, you might be in trouble. The proper message to send her should be "although I like to be your friend, I really would like to go a step further." OR "although we are friends, I do have an admiration for you sexually."

Whether it is over or not would really depends on how she handles it. While some guys can't handle being rejected, you will run into a lot of bitches who don't know how to reject a guy the proper way. Some girls blow it so badly that she pretty much burns the bridge between you two.

Keep in mind that if a woman reject you the first time, that doesn't mean she doesn't like you. A lot of things can go through their heads and sometimes it is not understood easily. Sometimes a girl shoot you down because she has someone else in mind. If the girl is like 16-19 years old, she has a lot of choices because most boys are single at that age. They don't know really know what they want. Some women have unrealistic expectations. They want some guys they can never get. It can take them awhile for them to establish their proper expectations.

Also you can expect curve balls. If you do succeed in dating her, she might all in a sudden decide she just wants to be a "friend", and then maybe she will change her mind again a few days later and maybe not. Some girls play really mean mind games.

When you go to college, it gets worse. Since people live in the dorms, you may face tough competitions for the first time. One of my college school mate lost his girlfriend to some guy, but the frustrating thing is he knows the other guy is a big playboy. First of all he is bisexual strangely, and he just wants to sleep with women and dump them shortly, which was exactly what happened to his girlfriend. His girl friend wants him back, but he doesn't know if he can trust her again. Things like this can really mess up your relationship. You always need to expect the unexpected.

Anyway, remember this. You miss 100% of the chances you don't take.

 

Cool. I need some more advice from a girl's viewpoint, like Xev. Xev? Sweetheart, wherefore art thou?

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Xev's right here, armed to the teeth with her handguns and flamethrower, don't you worry about a thing now....

Depends. You could arrange a sort of friendly-date sort of thing. One of those little excursions that are sort of a date, sort of just friends doing something together.....

And do that a couple of times before intensifying things. You can also do the little courtship rituals, and gauge her reaction this way.

At least, that's what I'd advise. Just make sure you're on the level with each other - in other words, don't try to get her into the sack at the end of a date that was supposed to be between friends. Confusing as hell.

(Oh yeah, and avoid Chosen's advice. No offense Chosen, but it don't work on nerdy-intellectual type girls - if I and my acquaintances are any judge - which I think they are)

 

Xev, one small complication. We are both stuck in a science camp. In the middle of nowhere. I am 2 years older than her. Any modified advice? (I'm working on it, still yet to make big play)

 

Zero:

So, you're basically saying that you can't invite her to do anything special, just the two of you?

 

I might ask her for a walk (seriously, 1 hour to the nearest supermarket), but I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere. How do I make the best of this?

 

Zero

Avoid my advice? Zero, if you did read my threads...

there is not *ONE* rebuttal against my advice.

All you will see are baseless claims such as this stating...

• Chosen's advice doesn't work.
• That advice is idiotic.
• That advice won't work.
• Chosen is wrong.

There is no SUPPORTING EVIDENCE against my advice, PERIOD. I have asked MANY MANY TIMES for the reasons against it....and what do they do? They don't answer me.

This is laughable, at best Xev.

Are you saying women aren't attracted to confident males? Men that make them feel comfortable? Know how to make them laugh? Creating the right sexual chemistry?

Pleeeaassseeee, spare me the bullshit ok?

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That's because your advice had no supporting evidence. There is no need for evidence in refuting something which has no evidence of its own.

 

Zero

Don't ask for a walk, trust me. What sounds more confident?

• Would you please talk a walk with me?
• Let's go take a walk and have some fun.

You indirectly *tell* her to go with you, but never do it in a rude manner.

You're stuck in the middle of nowhere...don't panic and stress, keep your cool and confidence. Don't fear too much, it leads to weakness.

Follow a simple 3 second rule, act (don't think) in 3 seconds all the time. Of course there are exceptions to this when you are in deep conversation, use your common sense with the advice, there is modifying - it is not an absolute. Think about it. Thinking too much and not acting creates hestition and girls don't like guys that aren't confident and hestitate too much. Spontaneity is important, it shows you are always a fun guy, not boring and predictable.

Women obviously want a man with these most important traits:

• confidence
• humour
• smile
• well groomed / good looks
• ability to create an emotional connection / a feeling of romance

In addition to that:

• being patient
• being persistent
• being comfortable just going up and talking to a new woman
  finding opportunities in situations where you before did not believe there would be
• being sensitive to how she feels/responds and modifying your approach accordingly
• knowing how to talk to a woman to build more rapport with her
• knowing how to talk to a woman to make her start thinking in romantic directions

Having mastered all of the above, these will add the final touch:

• mirror her physically
• notice her trance words, remember and use them
• rephrase everything she says and feed it back to her
  anchor all good feelings
• don't argue with her, be very understanding, deeply understanding - this can help create an immense rapport
• use presuppositions to direct her actions
• have and keep good eye contact - also helps to create an immense rapport
• touch her
• always start with the cutest girl around

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If you want me to elaborate and give you reasons and situations/experiences on any of those, feel free to ask

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As for the conversation
The following comes in handy, if truly NOTHING comes to mind after having applied the 3s rule

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. It is of course more recommended, that you think this all through before having approached, just try to limit your thinking to...preferably no more than 3 seconds

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The more you wait, the bigger chances there are that she'll leave (hey it's boring! nothing to talk about!), someone else will join her for a conversation, you start sweating and eventually chicken out, circumstances change etc. Evolve and adapt, most of all IMPROVE!

1. Ask some kind of OPEN ENDED question (it will normally begin with the word 'what').
2. Have at least one other OPEN ENDED follow up question, preferably more than one, to defend you against stalling.
3. By the time you've reached this stage. providing your questions were interesting enough, you are "in conversation"

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Before point 1 above, you are a stranger (you know about her from before, so it'll be easy). At point 2 she's still wary, but talking. By the time you've hit point 3 - she will have more or less accepted you and seem to drop her barriers a lot. All in a couple of minutes.

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To continue. If the girl is a talker, paraphrase her and ask intelligent questions. Then ask some cheeky questions, maybe joke on her (yes make fun of her! she's *just* a woman! do not put her higher than you, never on that pedestal woman!!

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) and get some of your own stuff in. If she's a listener, you'd better have something ready to talk about (or you're gonna CRASH and BURN) - a tale or two about your interesting and humorous exploits that moves gently from being innocent into being more and more risqué. If you notice her body language (especially the eyes), you can tell if she starts to feel uncomfortable, irritated, or bothered, modify what you are saying and don't be rude!

 

Ugh, why don't you apply that to youselves, all of you that criticize?

Your advice doesn't have jack supporting evidence either. They don't *research* and *experiment* on women. I hope you see this Zero.

Plus my advice is supported by Casanova, Don Juan - Real people btw.

Read up on Giovanni Casanova and how good of a "charmer" he was.

You still don't see the light Adam, you are blind.