The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

Discussion in 'The Cesspool' started by The Flemster, May 10, 2004.

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  1. slotty Colostomy-its not my bag Registered Senior Member

    where's the offensive joke ?
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  3. Chatcha

    You're just jelous you don't have an iPod!
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  5. Chatha big brown was screwed up Registered Senior Member

    LOL. Maybe I am really. actually i didn't want to offend anyone, just making fun of ipod users.
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  7. warden99 Registered Member

    A wee boy is walking about the house bored so he walks into the toilet, mum what are you doing

    mum getting ready to go to the bingo son , so if you dont mind go and find something to do , im busy

    wee boy walks into his parents bedroom where he finds dad with his cock in his hands

    wee when will i get a massive cock like yours

    dad...when your mum goes to the bingo

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  8. warden99 Registered Member

    Wee boy wolks into his mums bedroom and finds his dad and mum fuckin like rabbits, dad rolls of suprised

    Wee boy...what are yous doing

    dad keeping mum warm son

    wee boy..mum whats that between your legs

    Mum..thats my hedgehog

    Wee boy ,,,christ look at the size of its pussy
  9. Bush Fire Guest

    A little girl is standing on top of a cliff, looking down at the sea and crying her eyes out. A priest approaches and says, "My child, why are you so upset?"

    The little girl turns to him and says, "My mummy and daddy were in their car – and it just rolled over the cliff and smashed on the rocks down there."

    The priest slowly looks around him while unbuttoning his cassock and says, "It's just not your day, is it?"

  10. warden99 Registered Member

    Jesus walks into a hotel and throws 4 nails on the counter and says , can you put me up for the night
  11. warden99 Registered Member

    How do you stop an ethnic from drowning

    take your foot of his head
  12. jax0509 The non-believer Registered Senior Member

    what file do you use to turn a 5mm hole into a 40mm hole

    a peadophille
  13. warden99 Registered Member

    A white man , a black man and a yellow chink get caught in the jungle by head hunters

    They are told they are going to be whiped 50 times and if they can stand the pain they will be released, and they get one request

    Black man bends over the pole and says he would like to hear marvin Gay while he is getting whiped

    The chief puts on the song and they start the whiping, 23 lashes go by and he faints , take him down

    Yellow chink bends over the pole and asks for a chicken curry, he eats it while getting whiped and only lasts 12 lashes, take him down

    White man bends over the pole , chief says what do you want for your last request, white man says i want that black bastard on my back
  14. warden99 Registered Member

    Two sharks swimming up liverpool beach, one shark says to the other

    What you fancy to eat tonight

    Other shark says , what about cod

    Other shark says why cod

    Other shark says , well im sick of eating all these chinkies
  15. Quagmire convince me or convict me Registered Senior Member

    michael jackson was throwing a dinner party, when the meal was finished he passed around the under eights

    michael jackson and gary glitter are on a plane, when power fails and the plane hurtles towards the earth, mj says to glitter 'there are only two parachutes, come on lets jump to safety'
    glitter responds 'what about the kids'
    mj'fuck the kids'
    glitter 'do you think we have time?'

    whats the difference between a trampoline and a jihadi bomber?
    you take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline

    what do you do if you see a jihadi drowning?
    keep your foot on his head until he stops moving
  16. Quagmire convince me or convict me Registered Senior Member

    So a Pakistani US citizen goes to the doctor because he just simply doesn't feel good. He's tired, his stomach is upset, he has a headache. Just feels terrible. The doctor checks him over and can't find any medical reason for him to feel the way he does. He offers a Naturotherapy approach that he has seen work before. The Pakistani man is stunned, though, that the treatment means he has to go home, shit and piss into a plastic bag and leave it in his basement for a week.
    "Trust me," the doctor says, "I have seen this work."
    The man goes home and follows through on the instructions. Within a day, though his house smells terrible and by the end of the week, it is an overwhelming stench. His eyes water every time he walks in the door, but he feels no better. He calls to yell at the doctor who calmly says,"Go down and take three big deep breaths directly from the bag and you will be cured." "You're crazy!" comes the reply. "Trust me," says the doctor.
    Down he goes into the basement and he takes the first breath. Gagging and choking, he does it again. Then, on the third breath, he feels the headache leave. His stomach settles and he feels amazingly well. The stench is even tolerable. He calls the doctor to tell him the good news. "I told you I've seen this work with people from Pakistan before," says the doctor. "You were just homesick!"
  17. Quagmire convince me or convict me Registered Senior Member

    the following is a borderline joke even i am a little ashamed of

    why do lions lick each others arses?

    to get rid of the taste of nigger
  18. thedevilsreject Registered Senior Abuser Registered Senior Member

    How do you wipe out 250 Puerto Rican families?
    Blow up K-Mart.

    Two tramps were walking along the railroad tracks one day and one tramp said to the other, "I'm the luckiest guy in the world".

    "Why is that?" said the other tramp.

    "Well, I was walking down these tracks last week and I found a £20. I went into town and bought a case of wine and was drunk for three days."

    The other tramp said, "That was pretty good, but I think I'm the luckiest guy in the world. I was walking down these very tracks about two weeks ago, and just up ahead was a gorgeous naked woman tied to the tracks. I untied her and took her up there in the trees and I had sex with her for two days."

    "Jesus", said the first tramp. "You are the luckiest guy; did you get a blow job, too?"

    "Well", the other tramp said, "No, I never found her head."

    A girl came home from a date. Her mother had waited up for her, and when the girl walked in the door, the mother noticed she had rice in her hair.

    "Sally," she said, "you didn't tell me you were going to a wedding."

    "I didn't mom," Sally replied. "I was giving a blowjob to a Chinese guy and he threw up on me."
  19. thedevilsreject Registered Senior Abuser Registered Senior Member

    Q. Why do hillbilly guys go to family reunions?
    A. To pick up chicks.
  20. thedevilsreject Registered Senior Abuser Registered Senior Member

    Q. Why Wasn't Christ Born In Mexico?
    A. Because They Couldn't Find Three Wise Men And A Virgin.

    Q. Why are they using Mexicans instead of laboratory rats In experiments now?
    A. Mexicans breed faster and you don't get so attached to them.

    Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Mexican And An Ape.
    A. A Retarded Ape.
  21. thedevilsreject Registered Senior Abuser Registered Senior Member

    A dirty old man pulls up in his car beside a little boy.

    Holding a bag full of sweets, he says, "Hey kid, if I give you a piece of candy, will you come in my car?"

    The little boy replies, "Hell mister, give me the whole bag and I'll come in your mouth!"

    What did one pedophile say to the other?
    "I'll give you two fives for a ten."

    A man goes into a drugstore and says to the druggist, "I need some birth control for my eleven-year-old daughter."

    "Is your little girl sexually active?" asks the druggist.

    "Nah, she just lays there like her mother."

    What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison?
    "I feel like a kid again."

    What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?
    The little boy in the basement of my house

    One day the parents of an eleven-year-old boy and his ten-year-old sister leave them alone together in the house. The two kids begin talking about "it," and pretty soon they decide to try doing "it" with each other.

    After they're done, the boy says: "Wow, you're even better than Mom!"

    "I know," says the girl, "that's what Dad says too."

    Why do pedophiles love Halloween?
    Free delivery.

    What's white and bobs up and down in a baby's cot ?
    A pedophile's ass.

    that enough for ya???
  22. Chatha big brown was screwed up Registered Senior Member

    Announcer: Folks welcome to another edition of "the average American", on this show, this wonderful segment, we ask the average citizen of the world's most powerful nation certain easy questions and watch as the retards look in shock and awe. Get ready folks, get your frozen stuff from the fridge. Our first contestant is Abegail Hanson from Sweetcorn, Arkansas. Abegail is a nurse assistant who likes to shoot with her father, play checkers, and cook. She hopes that one day she would eventually become a nurse and move to another cosy city so her father can stop raping her. Look at her, so sweet, helpless, and pathetic looking. Alright Gail, first question what is the name of the vice president of the United States?

    Gail: Oh Oh I know that...Donald Rumsfeld

    Announcer:...Spoken like a true American, give her a round of applause. Next question, if a train leaves at 9 am and takes 3 hours to get to its destination travelling 80 miles/hr, what distance has the train travelled?

    Gail: 80

    Announce: Oh I'm loving this, this is a great show folks. Anyway, Last question for all the kaboodle. What is the capital of France Gail?

    Gail: New York?

    Announce: A real idiot, how-bout-it folks? Give her a hand. Gail dear you missed all the question but you are a proud contestant and we are happy to have you here. Here's a "nutter" T-shirt curtesy of our sponsors; snow white tooth paste. Wish you be best in Arkansas. Thats all folks, tune in next week for another flabbergasting edition of "the average American". Remember...its not the size of the brain but the amount of American in you.
  23. cat666 Registered Member

    Where does Saddam Hussain keep his CD's

    In Iraq
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