The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

lol

 

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George Best is in hospital and the Doctor says to him, 'George, I have some good news and some bad news, which do you want first?'. 'Bad please' says George. 'Well' said the Doctor 'the bad news is you only have 1 hour left to live'. 'Fuck!' says George 'that is really bad news, what is the good news?'. 'It's happy hour' replies the Doctor.

 

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Rescuers in Pakistan have recovered 10,000 bodies and tomorrow they are going into the second house.

 

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Why did the Romans build straight roads?
So the pakis couldn't build corner shops

Why have Jews got big noses?
Because air is free

 

What does D.I.A.N.A stand for?

Died In A Nasty Accident

 

Q - Whats the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

A - Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your whole week


(hole weak)

 

Shouldnt that be 'makes your hole weep'??!! Hehehehehehehehehehehehehe, nice 1!

 

Im sure if you had a big 12" cock up ya ass, your anus would be a tad bit weaker.

 

Q - Why wasn't Jesus born in Essex?

A - They couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

 

Do you know what's unique about the human infant?



No matter which way you penetrate it, you achieve deep throat!

 

There are two aspects to an offensive joke.
A lot of people seem to forget the whole "joke" part.
I love a good offensive joke, but it's not good if it's not funny.

 

What are you trying to say?

 

Sorry, I thought it was clear.
I was saying that some of these so-called "jokes" are not jokes at all, simply stupid statements and absurd questions meant only to be offensive rather than offensive AND funny.
They don't even seem to be trying to be funny, and if they are, they are failing miserably.
There is a vast difference between clever, well-written, irreverent humor (such as Monty Python and Saturday Night Live's Not Ready for Prime Time Players) and crap simply mean to poke fun at someone/group without any humor in it.

 

Shock humor, dude. Funny just because of how outrageous and offensive the joke is, besides a mild element of the unexpected.

 

Nah. Shock humor needs some actual humor too.
That's just my opinon, though.

 

I agree with Raven. Some of the jokes posted here (mostly the fucking baby ones) are just offensive, not funny. Don't get me wrong, if you find it funny then bully for you but to me it's just offensive for the hell of it.

For example:

Q - How do you make a dead baby float?

A - Two scoops of dead baby ice cream and some root beer.

That is funny, because of the pun on the word float.

Q - Why did the baby die?

A - Cos I fucked it with a bargepole!!!

That's not really funny is it? It is just offensive, the baby would obviously die if you did that to it. It's as pointless as:

Q - Why did the old age pensioner die?

A - Cos it reached 93 and died of natural causes.

Offensive jokes need to be funny, otherwise it's just an offensive statement and makes you sound sick/prejudice etc. It's one thing making fun of people/situations but some of the jokes posted are just offensive statements with no humor at all.

 

Sorry I'm getting into the game so late, but I just came across this and had to be a part of it. Here are some of mine that I don't remember seeing on here.

Q. Why wouldn't JFK make a good boxer?
A. The guy can't even take one shot to the head.

Q. How do you know when it's bedtime at the Neverland Ranch?
A. When the big hand touches the little hand...

Q. What was the last thing to go through Kurt Cobain's mind when he killed himself?
A. His teeth.

-- (A little comedy theory: Teeth is better than bullet because teeth implies bullet, thus resulting in a funnier image and a better pay-off when the audience gets it)

Q. What do Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd have in common?
A. Their last big hit was the wall.

Q. Who was the best Jewish cook?
A. Hitler.


More later when I can think of them.

 

It's the outrageousness of the joke that makes it funny.

Beside, who are you to tell me what's funny or not?

 

You are entitled to think whatever you think is funny. However most people who are fully mental balanced, do not find a phrase such as wrapping a baby in tape to stop it splitting funny. Reason because it just isn't. I'm no expert but I'm sure raping a baby will result in pretty nasty effects, so the joke doesn't become a joke, more of a statement. I was merely pointing out that some jokes posted here are just offensive statements, and not really jokes.

Anyways on with the jokes:

A man walks into a zoo, and it only has one dog on show. It was a shitzu

Q - How do you know if you have a high sperm count?

A - Your girlfriend has to chew

This one isn't really offensive, but I laughed.

Q - Why did George Micheal have chocolate stains on his T-shirt?

A - Cos he was careless with his Wispa.

 

Non-sequiturs have to be done very well to work, so just throwing a bunch of random things together isn't going to ensure that it's funny.

That being said, with shock humour it's a bit more difficult. Most of the time shock humour isn't funny at all. It's kind of an oxy-moron, too, "shock humour". You're either genuinely making them laugh with well-crafted and well-written jokes, or you're catching them off guard and surprising them with something too outrageous to comprehend as being legitimately funny. That's where the laughter comes in. It's not a "ha ha that's funny" laugh, it's more of an awkward reaction laugh. One might notice that, if anybody laughs at a shock humour joke, it's almost never a full belly laugh.

Just like one person might laugh at a funeral, it's not that they think it's actually funny that the person died, just more how they react to it.

Drawing that line between gallows humour and reactions is weird.