Ok, I'm sure that you, my fellow nerds, are all familiar with Zone Alarm. It's a piece of commercial network security software. Frankly it r0x0rZ the socks off of any other firewall software that I have ever used in the history of my long blundering fumbles with keeping my home network secure. I think that the best part about it is that, unlike most firewall/security apps, it actually fucking pops up and tells you in plain English when someone is trying to get into your computer, finger open ports (perverts!), or whatever, it boils down the task of keeping your network safe into a sort of hilariously simple caricature of what other security apps make it seem like, and somehow is only the more powerful and effective for it. Anyway, the true Irony of Zone Alarm, I think, is that it so effectively keeps my system safe from outside influences, protecting me and making me safer than I thought I'd ever be online, yet somehow the stupid program won't lift a finger to defend itself. In other words, even my grand mother could crack this program, there is nothing at all to it. You can download the latest version on Kazaa, and whoever you get it from will probably have a few serial numbers, and BAM you've got the demo, and then just plug in any old bloody serial number and you've got the full fucking version easy as pie. When I first installed the program I thought that it must be some sort of trick, that it wasn't REALLY zone alarm, but instead someone's clever prank, yet low and behold my computer is indeed safe. Anyway. . . I found that Ironic. . . and I haven't eaten all day so I'm a bit light headed. . . If this post doesn't seem terribly funny to you, then I suggest you let your blood sugar drop a little and then come back and read it.