My God. Is there, possibly, a less redeeming television show, anywhere? Or has there been at any time? Or is value redefined to some common neutrality, with each show being essentially amoral? I suppose I'd go for the last one, generally, but adding that these douchebags - of whatever county of collected idiots they hail from - seem to have made the amoral actually antimoral. Beverly Hills, New York, Orange County, Atlanta (may Neptune sink it into the sea once more) - it gets worse and worse and dumber and dumber with each series. In this most recent episode of the ***bags of Orange County, the idiots have invited their friend with them to Costa Rica, alienated her for some unfathomable reason, and bitch endlessly as they prepare to dice with elaborately preventable death (curse you, Bravo TV) on a river rafting run. One particularly loathsome cow actually has the temerity to say that one of them dying would be the worst thing ever. Oh really? Really? Because I can probably think of ten thousand things worse than that, with the 10,000th thing being "stubbing my own toe". Without getting into another nauseating discussion of the FSM - please, please God. Now? If You're there, now would be the time. Significantly higher average IQ for the planet. More oxygen for everyone. And, if the body were lost, biodegradable materials injected back into the ecosystem, minus the silicon and hot pink synthetic fibers. Now, I'm all for vicious repressing of many of the candidates who want to see the repression of culture - well, not all of them, as this rant shows. But seriously - why not now? Imagine the cultural healing spreading over the nation via the repression of the whims and whinings of a collection of spoiled, ignorant, self-important idiots. You might argue Jackass in return, and you might even be right - but in no way could the deliberate exploration of dunderheads for the purposes of generating cheap physical laughs be in any way comparable to the societal damage accruing from these overindulged, rich, boneheaded binge-bot scum. Imagine them being shut down. Imagine the tremor of fear that would sweep the ranks of the morally unwashable: Jersey Whores (I think that's the title), Top Chef with its hateful ex-Salman Rushdie-armchair-girl host, any of several designer shows...all right, primarily the one with the insufferable asshole... Bethenny (arguable the only actual non-cyborg out of one of the collections of ignoramuses... the one with the laughable Contessa and the model so passive-aggressive that even the French would want to burn her), but still contaminated by association, Kathy whats-her-relevance, America's Next Semi-Human, Chef Chef Chef, Fashion Fashion Fashion and whatever Tyra Banks is throwing phones at this year. So nearly everything on Bravo's line: let's be honest, here. Blame where blame is due. (And this, by the by, is a network that, without the vaguest hint of irony, labels itself... Bravo. Something to keep in mind.) There's even a video game based on one or another set of Housewives...what a boon and joy to young minds and the hardcore fringe of thirty-year-old basement dwellers that must be. Intrigued by the deliberate vapidity of a lowest-common-denominator moral minefield? Well now you can pretend to be part of it! It could be argued that at least it might keep the truly evil from practicing their warped interests on the rest of humanity - or at least the rest of the morons in Orange County, say - but it's my justifiably pessimistic suspicion that it would act more like a scratching post for particularly skanky cats. I would ask, in general, whether there would be any recourse to shitting - excuse me, shutting them down. I know this will meet with collective antioutrage - how dare you even suggest putting a tap on our garbage valve! - but by paraphrasing Winston Churchill, I think that if Satan himself had decided to make war on them I could at least do him the benefit of a few kind words to the FCC.