The Bible in 50 words

God made; Adam bit; Noah arked; Abraham split; Joseph ruled; Jacob fooled; Bush talked; Moses balked; Pharaoh plagued; People walked; Sea divided; Tablets guided; Promise landed; Saul freaked; David peeked; Prophets warned; Jesus born; God walked; Love talked; Anger crucified; Hope died; Love rose; Spirit flamed; Word spread; God remained.

I wasn't sure where the source came from exactly. It was emailed to me. Anyone can argue what they want about this. Just thought it was an interesting, quick interpretation of the Bible.

 

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Excellent job.....

 

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Not bad... wes... morris... babe... ?... ?... Huh?

 

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I like that abbreviated version much better, I think a revision should be enacted, hehe. We could just print the bible on a note card, makes 'em much easier to pass 'em around that way. Also, there's a lot less about God hating fags in your version, so I'm all for it.

 

...but can we add just three little words at the end?

"man fucked up"

 

I think it's implied.

 

I thought this link might be of interest ...

The Bible in 50 Words

 

I read about a radio announcer who once summarized the bible in 30 seconds, he said:

God made us, we blew it, God fixed it, so live for Him!

 

The first one was not bad... similar to a 'blonde joke'... but we all know that all blondes aren't stupid and dumb right?... none can beat this one. This is the best.

 

Yes... he sure did

 

You left out the parts of the bible about murder, slavery, rape, god's deceit, magic, worldwide floods, giants, and monsters. Those are the most interesting parts, how could you leave them out?

ZERO MASS

 

Indeed. Excellent point. Especially the monsters. And the talking ass. What about the talking ass who speaks in complete sentences?

 

i find it funny how people tend to blame god for everything.....it is SATAN who generates this suffering. god rewards us if we follow his commandments and stuff like that.if god was such a monster why wouldnt he kill us all? why would he offer us mercy to us sinners?

 

Actually, edgar, most people you are referring to (excluding deists) who describe the Judeo-Xian version of God as a monster don't actually believe that God exists and are just humouring you Xians for a moment to show that your God isn't as benevolent as you make him out to be, according to your own inerrant book of answers. Therefore, they will also not believe that Satan exists and is generating suffering in the world.

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If god is the supreme creator, and he created satan, then he himself is also evil as he is the creator of all evil in the world.
All evil springs from that one evil god.
If god was so good, why wouldn't he destroy evil?

I know! He isn't real, its all made up bullcrap!

ZERO MASS

 

Which God or Gods would that be?

 

Re: I thought this link might be of interest ...

Not good ...

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Which is worse to you - slow torture or swift death?

 

God the Monster

Point 1: There is no single definition of God. Even among the Judeo-Christian tribes, there is little consensus between individuals regarding what God equals.

Point 2: It is difficult for the infidel to react to God because the next Christian will simply point out that the infidel is reacting to the wrong version of God.

Point 3: Over time, the infidel will collect a reasonably dense archive of experiences related to the Judeo-Christian paradigm.

Point 4: For the infidel, then, God is a composite image drawn from many sources, each bound to truth by faith for the beholders.

Point 5: It is no fault of the infidel if the greater proportion of available images present negative aspects of God primarily, ranging from the subtle to the outright ludicrous.

Thus: Please understand that the infidels who consider the Biblical God monstrous base their opinions not only on their perceptions of the Bible but the practical result offered by the faithful. The primary difference seems to be that many infidels just don't see the point in being thankful for the wrath of God.

An excellent example comes from examining the Bible itself. A "Protestant" Bible is merely a Bible with several books expunged. And between the various translations of the Bible, nobody really agrees on just what it says anymore. From Good News to King James to "Revised Standard", some subtle differences in the words of the Bible can create much confusion when discussing Biblical issues. Beyond that, there are also strange vernacular Bibles, such as one which landed through quirks of circumstance on my own bookshelf, The Clear Word is an interesting piece of work. In Genesis, God discusses "The Plan" with Jesus ... er ... yeah. At any rate, it's a particularly controversial work:

- Deliberate Distortions in SDA's Clear Word Bible? (PDF download - see HTML link below)
- The Clear Word - Useful translation or denominational fudge? (IsItSo)
- Is the SDA Church a Cult (TruthOrFables)
- The above link refers to this link, which appears to be the HTML version of the aforementioned PDF
- In Defense of The Clear Word (aToday)
- I am concerned (TagNet/AdventistFM)
- Clear Word Bible: Exceptional, but .... (TagNet/AdventistFM)

So I suppose the relevant point is to ask how the infidel should perceive God. I mean, this is one paraphrase of the Bible. These books are designed to make it easier to understand the Bible, but some assert that they violate God's instructions, and I can definitely say I've seen some weird "student" Bibles in my time.

And one of the problems with Blanco's version is that from the outset, God has "A Plan" that apparently includes the fall of Man at Eden; this, incidentally, is a cornerstone of my charge that redemption is a market-share racket (of course, leave it to the SDA's ... seriously, I wouldn't have guessed that's where I would finally get the point I needed).

But overall, it serves to point out that the Bible itself is a difficult issue, because certain negative implications are sometimes celebrated as the rewards of faith. In the case of the "reward" of Redemption, one might ask what God's problem is: He built it, He knew it would happen, He wanted it. A sarcastic, "Gee, thanks," is about the best some infidels can manage because it really does seem that strange.

So then the infidels look to the faithful; this is not recommended if one looks in hopes of finding a positive manifestation of the faith. Certainly they exist, but even Mother Theresa has her detractors. Remember that whether a particular individual of the faith believes in Saint Jude or not, those menacing chain letters don't do anything for one's positive associations with Christianity.

For a long time at Sciforums I used to remind Christians to clean up their own house before bugging the neighbors. It merely served to point out that for all I've heard from various factions of Christianity throughout my life (music, literary, and visual-art censors, prayer-in=school, anti-sex ed, anti-abortion, pro-Apocalypse, pro-prudery, anti-expression, anti-liberty, authoritarian Puritan jokers) it is apparently just fine if Christians conduct themselves "merely as well" as the heathens. Christians still lie, cheat, and steal just like anyone else. They rape their daughters, shoot their neighbors, and burn their houses for insurance money at least as often as the common infidel.

Which undermines certain issues those folks raise. For me, the censors who presume to know my thought processes have demonstrated no better results, and in many cases worse, than I produce on my own.

All of which can leave a bad taste in an infidel's mouth. Please understand that the whole of associating with Biblical notions of God proves to be a monstrous exercise even for compassionate infidels. After a while, that God just seems like a monster. But over time, the threat becomes benign insofar as God itself is concerned. It's the faithful we have to worry about. God may or may not be on our side, but we just went to war in this country, and the guy leading us thinks that God is on our side.

Remember when you were a kid and someone would say, "Open your mouth and close your eyes and you'll get a big surprise"?

Will it be raspberry sorbet? Or stinky, unwashed (expletive)?

(Heh-heh. Hey, Beavis, he said "(expletive)".)

It's almost like Christianity is license to sin; as the faded bumper sticker on a tired Toyota advised me so long ago, "Christians aren't perfect; they're just forgiven."

And that makes it all alright, right?

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:m:,
Tiassa

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Re: God the Monster

Yeah, but apparently it's okay if they do all that stuff because Jesus already paid for their crimes. But as for the heathens and heretics (no matter how virtuous they are), oh boy, they're all going to get theirs in hell big time!

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Almost a licence to sin?

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