Teenage love

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by Viva_el_Che, Oct 1, 2005.

  1. Viva_el_Che Registered Senior Member

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    I was watching this movie, i cant remember what it was called, but the issue of teenage love came up in it, and i started thinking, why wouldn't the farther respect his teenagers feelings, if a teenager hates, is it not the same as when an adult hates, when a teenager feels depressed is it not the same when an adult feels depressed.

    In these kinda movies (and in this particular one) the person is wrong for the other but they just cant see it, usually because they are really stupid or they are doing it to get back at their parents, but in real life if a teenager feels like they are in love what makes it different from an adult feeling the same thing?

    Is there a certain point in someones life where they go from being a niave teenager to a mature adult, or do teenagers just have to stop feeling from one point in there life to another so they can mature?
     
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  3. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

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    Young adults or teenagers as some would call then don't really comprehend all the feelings they have at that time of life. Until they become more aware of just how to handle those feelings they are at risk of making the wrong decissions about what love, hate and other emotions really are all about. Only with time can they realize that some things should be given more thought with their minds insted of their hearts and hormones.

    I have met young adults that do have the necessary understanding of themselves to make criticle decissions about love and hate but they are the rare cases not the general public. Everyone wants to be an adult when they are under the age of 21 but then after they become an adult and take on all the responsibilities that are required to me mature about things they want to be a kid again. Young adults should be given responsibilities and heed their parents advice until they leave their parents homes. The parents should have the rights to tell the young adults what they should and should not do for the adults are feeding them, clothing them and basically keeping bthem alive until they leave the home.
     
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  5. malkavpunk Now with Child Protective Cap Registered Senior Member

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    so, are you saying that once you hit the magical age of 21 that suddenly a child becomes an adult and is more mature and better off than he was at 20? Just because a teen or young adult can not understand their emotions as well doesn't mean they're any less real to the young person. Understanding is not a prerequisite of feeling. Neither is a lack of strong emotion a prerequisite of being mature.

    I'm definately not tryiing to be argumentative on my first post, but i'd have to say i disagree with you, cosmictraveler.
     
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  7. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

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    If you read what I said, there are some young adults that mature earlier but they are an exception rather than a rule. I'd also say that 18 would be a better age to let young adults become adults as long as they live on their own and can earn what they must in order to survive. Of course if they attended a college they would be adults as well without the prerequisits.
     
  8. Datura surrender to nothing Registered Senior Member

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    They can't manage their emotions, that's what. Once those frontal lobes are finished developing, then they may be taken seriously. Although, many adults don't seem to have much of a grip on things, either (40+).
     
  9. malkavpunk Now with Child Protective Cap Registered Senior Member

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    Again, if i understand you correctly, i think i disagree. I think it's way too easy to pick an age (or any age) to say that a child becomes and adult, when every person is so different. I don't think there can be "exceptions to the rule" when the rule is so flimsy itself. I know mature people at 14, i know people who don't show any signs of maturity until 30. I know lots of teenagers who behave more rationally and maturely than a heap of people that you'd call adults.

    not to say that many teenagers aren't immature. I would disagree with that statement just as much. I just think it's far to easy to make blanket statements and observations about teens than it should be, and that they generally don't get as much credit as they sometimes deserve.
     
  10. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

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    The problem is that most teenagers cannot support themselves for they cannot find work and have to get an education which is the most important thing to get . Teenagers do sometimes have the ability to get jobs but the types of jobs they get are usually very low pay and not enough to stand on their own. I'd think that if a teen can earn enough and be responsible enough then they should leave their homes whenever they can do so. The problem is that their emotional senses aren't quite ready to take on what lies ahead in the real adult world.
     
  11. malkavpunk Now with Child Protective Cap Registered Senior Member

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    just to be clear, are you measuring maturity as "ability to make money"?

    And also, what do you mean by "the real adult world"? Do you think that teens live in a fake teen world? Do you remember what it was like to first be in (or think you are in) love? At that moment, nothing seems more real. Or how about getting that acceptance (or denial) letter from the school of your choice? Nothing is more exciting or depressing than that at that time of one's life. Do you rememeber the real, honest, emotion that a teen shows when someone they know dies? When was the last time you saw an adult be that honest about how they were feeling?

    It seems like you're equating the dumbing down of emotions, as well as the increased ability to be productive in the economy with growing up? Tell me if i'm wrong, which i probably am. one of the many flawss of the internet is the inability to solidly catch on to intent and motivation, so, no hard feelings.
     
  12. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

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    The words speak for themselves. Responsible means emotionally as well as educationaly if you didn't know, now you do.
     
  13. malkavpunk Now with Child Protective Cap Registered Senior Member

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    What do you see as examples of teen emotional irresponsibility?
     
  14. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

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    Getting married to early.
     
  15. Dinosaur Rational Skeptic Valued Senior Member

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    Teenage love is probably as intense (maybe more so) than adult love, and not likely to be really different. I would never tell a teenager or anyone else that they are not really in love. If a person thinks he/she is in love, he/she is probably correct.

    The problem with teenagers is that most of them change a lot by the time they are 25-30, with some changing a lot by the time they are 20-22. If two teenagers fall in love and then change, they might discover that neither is happy with what the other changed into.

    The girls I was mad about when I was 15-20 were poor choices for me by the time I was 25. I attended a coed boarding school, and have been going back to reunions every five years for longer than most of you have lived. I have seen that most of my classmates (and myself) are different in various ways, some dramatically.

    There are two couples who went together way back then and are still happy together now (over 50 ears later). The majority ended up with life time mates that were very different from the ones they dated. Out of about 20 couples from that school who married, only two stayed married longer than about 5 years.

    I do not think that age is the way to judge. Sooner or later, a person leaves their parents' home and starts taking care of themselves. After 2-5 years of being on his/her own, a person usually settles into her/his final personality.

    If you want a permanent relationship, you should wait until both people have settled into that final personality. If you leave home when you are 15-16, you might be able to choose your life time mate when you are 17-19. If Mom & Dad support you untill you are 30, you might pick the wrong person when you are 31,
     
  16. Fraggle Rocker Staff Member

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    Teens are also still to a certain extent at the mercy of "raging hormones." That's really what adolescence is all about: surviving the development of your endocrine system and its exaggerated yet inconsistent effects on your emotions. Learning how to deal with your feelings--how to put your rational side in control--at a time when they are more passionate and overwhelming than they will ever be.

    The kind of blind passionate love that a teenage boy can feel for a teenage girl is of a measure that an adult man will only feel for a woman he's been married to for years and shared a life with. The kind of blind passionate rivalry/hatred that a teenage boy can feel for another teenage boy who is having better luck winning the heart of that girl is of a measure that an adult man will only feel for a man who has murdered someone.

    Why do you think that street gangs are overwhelmingly comprised of teenagers?
     
  17. Viva_el_Che Registered Senior Member

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    I think the point trying to be made is that teenagers feelings are a real and as strong as adults but teens dont exactley know the right desicions to make, and what would be in their best interests in the long run, and that after they've matured they have a better grasp on what would be a better desicion for themselves. Its not the feelings that aren't matured, but the desicions made by the teenagers when responding to those feelings. Most teenagers wouldn't exactley have a proper grasp on what the working world is like until they enter it themselves
     
  18. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

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    Infatuation and love are two different things and it takes awhile for teens to understand the differences.
     
  19. Fraggle Rocker Staff Member

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    All feelings are "real." But teens' feelings are often STRONGER than those of adults. Hormones like adrenaline and testosterone can have the same exaggerative effect on emotions as stimulants like caffeine. The glands of adolescents are more productive than those of older people and they have more of those hormones in their bloodstream.

    But of course you're also right that how to react wisely and in a civilized way to your own feelings is one of the really important things you're supposed to learn during adolescence.

    Humans are the animals with the longest maturation process of any species. In terms of the actual biological development of the physical body, the hormones, the emotions, and the intellect, as well as the social processes of gaining the knowledge, experience, and judgement to use them well, most individuals of the species Homo sapiens simply do not reach adulthood until sometime between the age of 18 and 25. Twenty-one is a rather arbitrary figure that splits the difference and is as much a result of tradition as behavior studies.

    Lowering the age of initiation into adulthood has mixed results. In countries where kids are allowed to start drinking alcohol in their early teens, alcoholism and especially drunk driving are much less prevalent than they are here. Eighteen-year-old voters are pretty similar to their elders, both in political preference and the discipline to actually bother voting. Drivers under 25, and especially under 18, on the other hand, have astounding accident rates. And the steady drop in the age of sexual activity has been a disaster both in terms of STD's and fatherless babies.

    Worst of all, the ability to wage war is crucially dependent on the recruitment of teenagers. The military is having a lot of morale problems in Iraq because the reservists and Guard members they've been forced to mobilize are mature people with jobs and families who have a hard time believing that The World's Only Superpower can't find a way to solve a non-problem in a tiny and almost impotent country that doesn't require killing other mature people with jobs and families.

    The lowering of the voting age to 18 was accomplished with remarkably little controversy because the argument, "If they're old enough to die for their country, they're old enough to vote," was readily accepted by the government. If only the populace had been smart enough to adopt the contrapositive slogan, "If they're not old enough to vote, they're not old enough to be sent into combat," and we had armed forces composed entirely of people over 21, I wonder whether they could have browbeat enough of them into going to Iraq to even get us into this bullshit.
     
  20. malkavpunk Now with Child Protective Cap Registered Senior Member

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    looking back, i think this was the statement i disagree with the most. they (teenagers) understand their feelings completely. They may not show it as maturely as an elder, but that's to be expected. There's no need to look down on them as immature or unable to cope just because of this. A heartsick teen is one of the saddest sights i've ever seen.
     
  21. Communist Hamster Cricetulus griseus leninus Valued Senior Member

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    And now for a teenagers opinion: I understand my feelings, but perhaps not fully. Yes, I used to get infatuated, but that stopped at about mid-14 ish. Any questions?
     
  22. malkavpunk Now with Child Protective Cap Registered Senior Member

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    i'm a teen too, (19, to be precise). So i feel like i know what i'm talking about. however, i bet that the fact that i'm 19 discredits my opinion to some people in this thread.
     
  23. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

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    You really think that a 13 or 14 year old girl or boy knows the differences between infatuaton, a crush, puppy love or true love? I don't think that the majority do for I myself didn't realize the differences when I was that age. Do you remember ?
     

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