I have been in this swinging lifestyle for 3 years. It is crazy, but I do it for my husband. If it were up to me I'd only do it 4 or 5 times a year, or maybe not at all but there are some aspects of the lifestyle that are fun... Its just that my husband plans things every weekend with strangers so that he can have sex with strangers. I'm so disillusioned right now and just needed to put my thoughts down. I used to be a really good person. I used to have faith, a family who loved me, and confidence in my life. Now I just feel like the faith is gone, my family lives 2000 miles away, and with my husband wanting every woman except me... well you can see why I've lost all confidence in my life. It has not only put an emotional strain on me, but a financial strain on us. Going out every weekend to meet people to see if we are sexually attracted can be very expensive. He definitely has a problem, and when I mention that we don't have the money to go this weekend, he gets very upset and is ready to sell our beautiful home, to get what he wants. I really thought I loved this man but lately I am beginning to question that love. Its funny how life can change. I was married for 19 years to a good man who wanted me in bed always. He never wanted anyone else, and I unfortunantly didn't want him. Now I am married to man who doesn't want me in bed, but wants everyone else. Life sure has a way of coming back at you. Now I know how my x-husband must have felt when I didn't want him sexually. The difference is, I didn't want anyone else either. I guess the jokes on me. I am hoping to hear from all walks of life. People who have been in the lifestyle and people who would never consider it. Just please don't be too judgemental. I have a tender heart.