Discussion in 'Science & Society' started by Orleander, Sep 25, 2009.
Whare did the "science" part begin.???
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oK... sinse you cant reason wit 4 year old cause they ant mentaly capable of rational thout... you hit 'em... as if they can understan the rationale of why ther bein hit... lol.!!!
...i ask you... what shud a parent do when they have tryed everthang includin "whippin" an ther kids still dont behave properly... whip 'em harder.???
My queston specificaly asks... what shud a parent do when not even spankin works... you did not answr.!!!
Basically, after they have been warned for their behavior or actions they learn that there is a line not to cross.
They perfectly understand when they cross that line and got spanked for it, not to go back there. Some kids take a few extra times than others, some it might be once only.
Parents like myself did everything we could to get them to understand they were acting in an unacceptable manner. The last thing we want to do is spank them. It becomes a choice one of many they will need to learn to make.
Well I haven't been in that situation but it's a good question and thanks for clarifying.
I think that the spanking worked for us in those rare instances because they were rare, very rare. Most of the time, the mere threat of one was enough and that itself is very rare for us to get to.
So, I would move away from spanking that kid because obviously it's not solving the issue, the child may regret that though because they may end up giving up a lot more.
This happens with older kids, where you wouldn't think of spanking them because there are more effective ways to deal with behavior issues at their age. For the most part that means giving up things that are very important to them.
When I did spank them the few times in their life, I think I felt worse then they did.
Anyway I give up on this topic. Talking to some of these members is like talking to the wall. No matter what you say, or how you explain it they just keep throwing the word abuse...abuser out. Most of them don't even have kids so their so called expert advice really isn't even valid.
I still have yet to come across any great spanking alternatives in these threads about spanking.
Which is the only legitimate reason for either of us not to have done it.
I agree, it's painful more than our doubters can understand.
Yep. Which is funny because it didn't take long for some to realize that and back off.
People in glass houses not throwing stones comes to mind.
No no... the full queston as stated prevously is... when everthang else has been tryed an not even spankin works... then what do you do... in other words... groundin an takin away ther "importent" stuff... ect... didnt work an then not even spankin worked... then what does a parent do.???
I answered the best I could. Since the spanking or other discipline actions worked I have never been there.
My kids are very well behaved and have learned they have boundaries.
A lot would have to do with their age as I said. A young say 4 year old that didn't respond to a spanking and other methods may need to have counseling etc to find out if there is something going on that needs to be diagnosed.
The kids that I have known that are mis-behaved the most have not received any or very little discipline.
WHAT!!!?? A 4 yr old that doesn't respond to spanking may need counseling?? Why wouldn't the family go to counseling before it devolved into assaulting a 4 yr old?
Or other methods. So if you had a kid, a 4 year old and you used your methods for discipline and they didn't work at all, and the kid kept throwing wild fits and mis-behaved etc etc.
Would that not suggest that there is something that you may be missing ?
But, I also am just speculating on the situation, which has not been spelled out other than "what would you do if that didn't work".
I haven't encountered that as I explained.
What is your answer ?
assaulting a 4 yr old would NEVER be an option for me. I don't see how assaulting a child to make them compliant is any different than a husband assaulting a wife to make her complaint. Both will say "they were pushing my buttons" Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
If nothing works, then go to counseling. Assault is not something I would ever throw into the mix.
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So then you would go to counseling ?
If a 4 year old doesn't respond to basic discipline actions and the home life is otherwise normal, then there may be something going on that the parents can't solve by themselves.
Who said anything about assault ?
No...If I remember correctly you used bribery with candy and other items and later on in life you used humiliation in front of their peers.
Yet you stand here all high and mighty and keep calling a few smacks on the bottom in their lifetime ASSAULT.
Your humiliation tactics on your children are far worse and I would call that ABUSE.
of course I would go to counseling!
For the 4 year old correct ?
I mean if you raised several children before using the same exact methods and everything was fine and normal and they responded to your actions whatever they were. Then it's the child that is a unique case and there may be serious issues that can't be addressed by normal discipline actions.
How many kids are actually in need of that ?
The only ones I have seen had no or too little discipline which is why they are what they are, spoiled little brats.
They have done the child a disservice.
You and I can disagree with the method to be used, but we both agree on discipline, no ?
I think you and I have a different idea of normal discipline methods. :bugeye:
Why wouldn't you get counseling before resorting to assaulting the 4 yr old?
I agree that they are worse, but at least she is trying to discipline them which is better than nothing.
However, to me that is really pushing it and may be borderline over the top, Kids that age are really affected by their image with their peers. That is a harsh tactic for sure which I would not consider.
I still think the knees in glass as a replacement for spanking is pretty hilarious. Why do they just cut their fingers off.
Because I don't view spanking as assault, not even close. Again, it's the intent and if you knew me and how I felt having to go there you would know that. But you can keep lobing baseless claims at me I don't regret doing it because it was necessary at the time, they have learned from it and it was successful.
Based on your discipline methods that were offered, we do have different approaches, I would not use yours and you would not use mine. We both see each others as over the top.
I would try to find a middle ground with you by saying that these methods are used by us parents due to a breakdown or failure with the child in some way. We have to provide that boundary, it's our jobs, but there is no good here because it requires punishment of some kind. We would of course rather have a perfect child that does no wrong but that is not realistic. So we have this failure.
Spanking = physical assault
Humilaition = mental torture
What is wrong with, say, taking away privileges, or making them do work they dislike?
I behaved fine if threatened with having my weekly sessions at the swimming pool taken away as a kid..
How old were you ?
As the child gets older there is far more room to work with them because they not only understand bigger concepts, like why you are taking away their swimming etc but those are more meaningful and more important to them.
It's funny because for me, the few times that they went so far to warrant a spanking. Is so rare it's barely even worth discussing.
The majority of the discipline that is needed is more along the lines of what you are suggesting. It's called parenting and every parent understands this.
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