Discussion in 'Human Science' started by Cazzo, Aug 20, 2008.
You like to overreact, don't you?
Log in or Sign up to hide all adverts.
I wouldn't call a few smacks on their butt when they are toddlers completely out of control "Assault". Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
I am talking about some smacks with your hand. We aren't talking about hitting your kids with objects or beating them black and blue.
Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
You have a point. Consistency is extremely important. Never make empty threats. There's nothing worse than some parent yelling and screaming about how they're going to do X if the children don't listen and then don't do it. If your child misbehaves at a restaurant, tell him you are going to leave and he'll go right to bed with no dinner. Then do it. He'll behave next time.
What do you base that statement on? I've never spanked my children in anger. Often, I hate to do it but do so to maintain consistency because, as you noted above, that is key.
The problem is, the child has learned that the parent is afraid to spank them in public, so they feel free to act up. With our society full of busybodies ready to call DCFS for simply disciplining your child, it's understandable. If the parent is afraid to spank in public, he should never make that threat. He needs to use some other method, and to follow thru with it.
Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
You were talking about it, or you were hit till you were black and blue? :shrug:
So if my wife's out of control, screaming and hollering, it's not assault for me to smack her on the butt to 'stun' her? What about standing over her, threatening to hit her if she doesn't calm down? Bullshit. If it's assault to hit your wife, then it's assault to hit your children. Simple as that. Let's not fuck about and downplay the issue here. You're hitting someone, so it's assault.
For once in her life, Orleander is right on the money regarding this issue. Hitting your children on any part of their body is an assault.
Exactly. IMHO, children (indeed, people) are similar to dogs. If you let them misbehave without punishing them, then they will realize that they can get away with it and keep misbehaving. If you punish consistently, then there isn't a need to invoke terror by standing over them and threatening to hit them.
Hell, when we discipline dogs, we don't do so by hitting them. So why would you do it with a child?
Anecdotal evidence, admittedly. When I've observed a parent hitting, or threatening to hit their child, they weren't in a calm state of mind. Quite the contrary, they were frustrated, angry and embarrassed. In some cases they were close to breaking point.
Toddlers act up, full stop. Hell, adults act up and throw tantrums (anyone who's parents are now divorced would know this). If you can't handle a toddler tantrum without resorting to violence, then don't reproduce. Simple.
It's a vicious cycle.
lepustimidus, do you have any children?
How many children do you have? I'm guessing zero. Because someone who makes blanket statements like that generally has no practicle experience.
PS Looks like Shorty and I were thinking the same thing.
Yeah I am taking a wild guess here and saying I don't think he has any. I am also wondering if he was "assaulted" or hit a lot as a kid.
I read this book about books about child rearing (it was about other stuff, too) and it said the number one indicator for a child's success was how much the parents cared. I think. Everything else was secondary.
I don't have any children, and I doubt I ever will. I don't have the patience or desire to raise children.
But what exactly do you find objectionable in what I'm saying? Isn't losing one's temper on occasion part of being human, especially when one is two years old, a point of your life where you haven't yet mastered how to express yourself in a socially acceptable manner? Isn't that why they call it the 'terrible twos'?
And do you mean to tell me that adults don't throw tantrums? Because that's outright bullshit, they do. Couples fight, and in many relationships those fights get physical.
You know, I've been challenged by big dogs, and my only recourse was to get physical. Does that make me a bad person?
Your statements are indicative of your lack of experience in dealing with young children. Children, especially very young ones, are not the same as adults. They lack the mental capacity to understand all the reasons they should or shouldn't do something. They are incapable of verbalizing or understanding verbal arguments. Yet, sometimes, it's vitally important that they get the point. So sometimes you must use non-verbal methods of communication, such as spanking.
True. My kids know no matter how mad I get sometimes and take their privileges away, that I love them very much.
When I do discipline them occasionally they don't hold it against me. They know that I am fair and if I am yelling or grounding them that they probably deserve it.
They still come to me at night before bed and say Night mom, Love you.
I don't think that the few spankings that they have had in their lifetime did any damage what so ever. If anything I think it just made them realize that I will not have bratty out of control kids.
I am not the perfect parent, but when you get teachers and other parents over the yrs telling you how mannerly and what a pleasure they were to be in the class....I think I am on the right track.
I just think that you are trying to say that any parent who occasionally gives their child a spanking (not a beating) is a child abuser and and shouldn't have children. Unless you have children and are put to that test you will never know what you will do in certain situations. As a parent you have to decide what the best thing to do at the time is to make sure that the child knows what they are doing is unacceptable.
Raising well behaved good children is a hard job. It takes a lot of time and energy. It means being strict and sticking to your guns, even if inside it hurts you to punish them. Sometimes over the yrs I think I felt worse for having to punish them then they feel ( I am a big softie) But I can be a hard ass too when it comes to following the rules of the house. I don't really have to enforce them anymore because they know what is expected.
I remember when my oldest son started sleeping in a real bed.(2-2.5yrs) He would keep getting out of bed and coming out of his room. He would come out laughing till all hours of the night. No matter how much I reasoned with him he just kept doing the same thing. I started getting mad because I wasn't getting any sleep. He still didn't get it. Finally I put him back in his bed and said listen you better stay in bed because this isnt funny and I need to sleep. I closed the door and immediately heard a thump he jumped out again. I stood outside his door and held it closed. He was crying and banging on the door. I said you need to go back to bed. He started really banging and having a tantrum. I felt so horrible....I was in tears. Anyway after about 5 mins of this he got tired and crawled back into his bed. I left and went to bed and saw him in the morning. I explained to him that when he goes to bed it is not playtime and he needs to sleep. The next night I put him down to bed. He got out and came into my room. I thought here we go again. I took him back and put him in bed. He jumped out and I was holding the door locked again. I felt him try the lock a couple of times. I didn't say a word. He went back to bed no crying or anything this time. The 3 rd night he went to bed and stayed there. From that time on he never pulled that again.
Was I a mean parent? I don't know maybe some would think so. I felt so bad the first night for doing that I could hardly sleep, but nothing else was working. The one thing I knew
at the time was, he was not going to rule the house. He was not going to keep us up all night, fooling around. I had to nip it in the bud.
It's trial and error with kids, we just try and do the best job we can.
no you were not a mean perant, i did the same with my oldest, i was adviced to by my Health visitor, and your right you cant let kids rule the house thats not somthing that can be done,
i dont spank my kids, but i will slap they're butts (ok not the oldest one now he is 16) and my youngest knows now that some things are a "no no" and he doesnt do them,
i have to admit i dont like all these people who like to say "take they're favourate toys of them" "make them sit with they're hands on they're heads, or sit on the naughty step" some kids do not take to that, and sometimes a slap on the butt is the only way to go
ok forget the times my mother smacked me. though it wasnt often ususaly she pinched. on the inside of the arm halfway between the armpit and elbow. she would pinch in away that if you pulled away it would hurt even worse. she said it wasnt the oinch it was the pull. antways this was most effective in crowds. she didnt have to yell.
ok so anyways in school ya got swat all the time. talking hands causing damage, try a 3 foot 1 inthick paddle. no one was ever "damaged" then you had the phys ed teacher. you regularly got hit with a wiffle ball bat and he also had a paddle which was reserved for misbehavior. the wiffle ball bat was used daily. say you couldnt do your hundred situps or got a bad time, you swat by the bat. generally it was good times by all. we were teen agers and 20 swats from the bat was nothing but, you were sore. you would have trouble sitting for at least a full period. i miss that guy. he was a great teacher.
well im a guy. when i was a teen we would beat the hell out each other. im none the worse for it. im not violent, im also not afraid. ive steped into violent situations to end them. i think because i knew that, accept in the worse case scenario, all i would end up with is a black eye and some bruises.
to quote bart simpson
"Bones heal. Chicks dig scars. And the United States of America has the best doctor-to-daredevil ratio in the world."
Separate names with a comma.