Discussion in 'About the Members' started by lixluke, Mar 11, 2004.
I slept the day in
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because i am their great example, and everybody wants to be like me and do like me...
Now you people start acting like proper losers if you want to be like me.
Genius: cool skill
Once upon a timeline there was a little town called Scivillage. One bright and early morning, I woke up, poured myself a cup of water, and drank it. I dressed myself in nothing but my bathing shorts, and donned a robe. I gathered some supplies including soap and a towel, and walked outside of my hut. The entire hut was just one large room with a bed, a desk, and other amenities. Outside, there were about two dozen or so similar huts scattered about a large area that made up the residential section of the village.
My first stop was the bathhouse. The bathhouse was at the center of the residential area. It consisted of a number of toilet stalls. After doing my duty to the toilet, I went to the waterfall. There weren't any other people there bathing at the moment as it was quite early. Although in the distance, I did see some madman gallivanting around in canoe.
I jumped in the waterfall, and began work on my 2000 parts. After I was clean, I decided to swim around a little because the water felt quite nice. That is up until I saw that damn tiger approaching again. I swear that motherf****** thinks he's human. I bet he'll want to bathe in our waterfall again. "Cats don't like water!" I yelled. "Why can't you just lick yourself like everybody else!?" I screamed as I cursed him out and ran for my life.
When the coast was clear, I dried up, donned my robe, and headed home. I put away my supplies, and hung my shorts up to dry. I then dressed up in some work clothes, and drank some more water before departing. I made off towards the farm where I met with cosmictraveler. "I was told yesterday that you needed some extra hands for today's harvest," I said. Cosmictraveler showed me what to do. I had to pick various crops, and fill his basket. Others were there doing the same.
Soon enough, that drunk farmer came over, and began rambling about turbo-charging his horse carriage. What in the world was he talking about? I told him to find the one named Kunax. Then, look for Raven. Normal tigers can run about thirty-five miles per hour. Thoroughbred horses can clock up to forty-five miles per hour. Your horses on the other hand are slower than slug. Have Raven train Kunax and three more of Kunax's kin to run your carriage. With their combined power, and your command, I'm sure you'll be able to hit upwards of fifty miles per hour in no time.
With that, I gave my basket to the drunk, and went on my merry way towards my hut for a little afternoon poetry writing.
Oh how my cup runneth.
Oh how my gun dunneth.
Oh me oh my.
Oh sun stop shine.
There's no blame.
There's no shape.
The weather changed the phrase.
It's up to you.
The frost words were rewinded.
The last words will be finded.:bugeye:
Haha! I see my name has been added.
I was only kidding Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
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Hold on there. Why is there the word 'general' next to my name. I thought i was the General/Barber.Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Strolling by Coolskill's hut, I noticed that the narrative had been dropped. Not having much better to do, I faultingly grabbed it and looked around to see if anyone noticed.
Good: Nobody. So I strolled on up the hill for a look around, without attracting any attention. I was a bit shell-shocked from world events, so it was nice to just sit and watch the people come and go.
But not for long. I need something to eat.
Animal, Tiger, Kunax.
After having marked Ravens new tree, it was time to find something to eat. The river is always a good place to look for game, and why not start by the waterfall.
By the waterfall i found a strange wheelie thing with teeth all around, it had a faint smell of the screaming human that was here earlier on the day. It did not taste very well, and after pushing it around a bit, it drop into the pond by the waterfall, time to move on anyway.
Further down the river i found a new thing i never had seen before, it was half way up on shore, but the half still in the water, was making small ripples as it rocked back and forth, it was a hollowed out tree trunk.
Once a gain curiosity got the better of me, and i quickly found, that bigger ripples could be made when i push the canoe down with my front legs, so i jumped a bored to make even bigger waves, and almost ended in the river as the canoe was took of from shore.
This was not like before, now when i moved the canoe would sway from side to side, and soon i found my self trapped moving slowly down the center of the river.
Italiano: sanitational engineer
I wake in the early morning to start my daily duties. In my departure of my hut I see the outcast of the village. Sympathizing for him I make an attempt to go greet the poor man, but he runs away in fear due to past experiences with people. I go to the public lavatories that I have set up, and collect the income I have made from fee I had placed to use it. Then I clean up the mess made and leave it spotless for the village's use.
After my lavoratories I head to the huts. I go to collect the unsightful excrections that my fellow village members had produced the previous day. My work is not in vain though, for I receive a truly handsome income for each hut. I make as much income for three huts as most villagers make a day. I even collect the fees that the villagers pay to the family. I will never forget how my family had given such a prosperous occupation and am eternally grateful to them. They are grateful to me as well due to the information I aquire traveling from hut to hut and talking with the villagers.
After my duties I head to boss's place and recount him what I have heard. I have been nominated by the family as Consigliori to the boss. I return home to my hut, and spend time with my family. For a man can never be a man if he doesn't spend time with his own family.
I came out of my cave to socialize. A few of the village women went missing.
I can't find my wife.
Had to fight a bear with crapy hair cut.
poopsmith came today
Night 1: 'The night of Shit'
It is difficult to be an outcast. I had been making erotic art all day long. What more can I say.
But other urgent matters were at hand. My bowles needed to be relieved. I had to visit the toilets in the village or do it behind a tree.
I thought it to be wisely not to do it behind a tree. I had heard a tiger roaring earlier. And I had felt cold eyes staring at me most of the day. I was wondering if I should just smear shit all over me as a precaution. I had the notion that tigers might not like to eat shit-covered outcasts. But maybe they do!
And what if they would discover my remains covered in shit. The villagers would think I had really lost it. Or it would be embarrassing as a gigantic brown stripe in your underpants, having an accident, then taking to the hospital for examination.
No, I decided to visit the toilets. Nights were the best time, because most people were asleep or doing their 'thing'.
The coast looked clear. No sounds emanating from the toilets. Plenty of odours though. I thought someone was supposed to fix these things.
I entered the last cubicle and relieved my self. SHIT no toiletpaper! Ah I'm such an idiot, always check before you go you moron!!!
I heard someone coming. I quickly put my feet up on the toilet seat hoping he wouldn't come to the last one. Of course he did. He started rumbling with the door. I held my breath (also because the stink was becoming unbearable). The person now started ramming into the door and shouting; "GET OFF MY FAVOURITE TOITET YOU WANKER!".
The whole cabin was shaking. Oh shit, I lost my balance and my foot slipped into the toilet bowl. Fuck, why didn't I flush before! The person now burst into the cubicle. I dived between his legs, got to my feet and started running, leaving a splatter trail of excrement all over the toilet...
I didn't stop running until I reached my hut. I threw away my shoes and pants and fell into a comatose sleep.
I never recognized the person, but I was sure he recognized me.
I would be the talk of the town the next day.
One more nail on my cross.
I figured having two full-time occupations might prove difficult. Therefore, I concluded that your general duties would be better off as a part-time hobby so as not to over exert yourself.
I consulted the one they call cool skill about my horse problem. He seemed confused at first but then suggested I use tigers instead. I had seen a tiger floating down the river on a canoe so I actually considered the idea. But then I decided he must be just humouring me as tigers obviously prefered watercraft... In hindsight, I think he gave me his basket of produce in the hope that I would go away. Oh well, free food is free food.
I made my way to rogues bar, grabbed a pint and sat out the front to enjoy my vittles and watch the sun go down. Almost choked on an apple when I saw some guy running down the street with his pants around his ankles. I laughed, I guess the pooper scooper guy must have been running late again today. That guy would have been fired long ago if it wasn't for his associations with the local "family". Oh well, best to stay quiet, my "crops" would be ready soon and I hoped to do business with them.
Oh well that might be easier. The stress of 2 jobs has been lifted. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Night 1:clean up
The sun was setting, and the time had come for my evening duties at the lavatories. The dinner I had with my family was excellent, thanks to the crops and meat provided by Scramble and cosmictraveler.
As I was walking down my path a few of my friends came by, wondering if I have seen there wife. I told them that I had greeted them this morning on my daily errands, but haven't seen them since. Being pessimistic I worried that the tiger had gotten to them. The tiger has been the tallk of the town lately, with its odd behavior. The tiger's behavior has been astonishingly parralel to that of a human. From rowing in the lake on a canoe, to bathing with the village genius. Even though I believe these women have been eaten by the hungry tiger, I plan to befriend it and adopt it as my partner. No longer will the tiger suffer from hunger, because my wealth will be able to feed him and a hundred of his friends, thanks be to the family .
Arriving to the lavatories I found an upset coolskill. He tells me of the incident he has had with the poor spuriousmonkey. My sympathy rises in me and I mourn inside for the life of this poor man. A trail of excreetment leads to the the outsider's hut. If I would have started my duties ahead of schedule I could've prevented this, I say to myself. A tear sheds when I see the excreetment trail, this is no happy trail. I suddenly have an idea for what we can do with this outsider. Present him before the family. Perhaps the boss will accept him, maybe not, but its worth a try. Maybe spuriousmonkey's assets might be valuable to us. I clean the mess, and clean the lavatory, and ask this genius why he didn't use another toilet and spare the humiliation of this poor man. His answer was that it was his favorite one. I told him that I would get a plaque for him declaring to everyone that it was his favorite and to leave it open for him. I resent these unkind words I said to the genius, but it was for his own good.
I go to my hut, and recount to my wife, Isabella, all that had happened to me today. We both agree upon inviting this poor outsider to our hut for supper. I decide that I would search out for the outsider, and invite him, perhaps I could hire him.
After a long day of poetry writing, I happily made off towards the bath house to visit my favorite toilet for a quiet evening dump. Low and behold it was shut. I started rumbling with the door. It wasn't opening. No doubt some wanker was in there standing on my toilet seat. I began ramming into the door and shouting, "GET OFF MY FAVOURITE TOILET YOU WANKER!"
I heard a splash that sounded like somebody falling into the toilet bowl. When I finally burst in, none other than the town outcast dived between my legs, got to his feet, and started running away.
There was excrement all over the place. Fortunately, Italiano, the sanitation commander, hurried to the rescue. As he cleaned up the mess, I explained to him what had ocurred. He seemed quite distraught about the whole situation. He offered to make me a plaque. I thanked him for his kind gesture, and went off along my merry way. I decided to skip my duties this evening, and retire.
I went to bed, and had a good night's sleep dreaming about my new plaque.
I was awakened in the middle of the night by little Silverback Jr who needed to go. I rolled out of bed and slid on the sandals and robe. He is still too young to use the public lavatory alone, at night. Especially since we hear the tiger often at nights.
The tiger has been a useful lesson to the little guy. We have seen it a few times in the distance, and while the lad likes to see it, he does understand it is dangerous. I enjoy teaching him and watching him grow.
We headed out to the bathroom when we heard this awful racket inside. It sounded like a fight or something. I recognized the voice of the genius, Cool Skill, shouting at some wanker. Then out comes that outcast hurtling into the night. He nearly bowled my son over and I had to snatch him out of the path.
I took the opportunity to show my son another good example. “Now, you don’t want to grow up to be like that, do you?” With big eyes, he shook his head.
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