Ridiculous dilemma

Discussion in 'Ethics, Morality, & Justice' started by whitewolf, Oct 21, 2004.

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  1. Jenyar

    Jenyar Solar flair Valued Senior Member

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    You think it isn't?
     
    Jenyar, Oct 22, 2004
    #21

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  3. Bells

    Bells Staff Member

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    It's better to be harsh and honest than to lie. If she can't handle that, then she needs to grow up. Her posts in here show that she has a lot of growing up to do.

    I don't doubt that she craves affection. Everyone does in some form or other during the course of their lifetime. But one needs to seperate affection and happiness only being achievable in a relationship. One can be happy and single, just as one can be happy and in a relationship. A relationship does not guarantee happiness, and it won't if she approaches it with her attitude. If she can't be happy with and within herself, she'll never find happiness with or in another. She needs to grow up and mature a lot more so that she can define herself to discover who she really is. Because after reading her posts, it's clear that she has no idea. She needs to define her identity before she even thinks about becoming involved in a relationship. Most importantly, she needs to be honest, not only with herself but with any guy she becomes involved with, so that the guy knows that her goal in the relationship is to get married.

    She has stated quite clearly that she will find happiness when she finds a man and she will settle for the first human being that shows her affection. She is even considering settling for a man that scares her. Placing oneself in such a situation is dangerous, not physically but mentally. One should never settle just for the sake of settling. That doesn't bring happiness, only misery.
     
    Bells, Oct 22, 2004
    #22

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  5. Avatar

    Avatar smoking revolver Valued Senior Member

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    yes, most humans equal weak
    all those stupid and pathetic morals, etc
    just lying to themselves

    p.s. My fav. philosopher is Nietzsche
     
    Avatar, Oct 22, 2004
    #23

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  7. Jenyar

    Jenyar Solar flair Valued Senior Member

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    Bells, you're right and I agree. And I didn't propose we should lie - just support. Telling her to "grow up" doesn't help, it only tells her that you think you've grown up, and she should be more like you. It would be more honest to tell her how you've grown up, dealt with being single, and became happy with yourself. How can she find out who she really is, if you suppose she is in the wrong place to do that? She is being honest with herself when she thinks she needs a relationship. It's how she honestly feels. We can only tell her that she's not taking into everything account, and ask her to be honest about that as well.
     
    Jenyar, Oct 22, 2004
    #24
  8. robtex

    robtex Registered Senior Member

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    582

    Well, aren't we just holy than thou? Someone throws out a hypothical for some advice and your best effort is to attack their character? Were did you learn social tolerance?

    What is your theory on dating? that is the theme..and the ethics of it. Can you do us a favor and construct a paradign or philosphy using the senerio in the orginal post as guide?

    I have noticed that about your posts since I have been there..heavy on the sarcasm, light on the intellect....if you ponder more and quip less there is a lot of knowledge one can accrue here......
     
    robtex, Oct 22, 2004
    #25
  9. Avatar

    Avatar smoking revolver Valued Senior Member

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    19,083
    that's just moral issues // that's not needed

    always to enjoy oneself, have a good time together,
    never let your partner limit yourself. if that happens -> ditch her/him
     
    Avatar, Oct 22, 2004
    #26
  10. Jenyar

    Jenyar Solar flair Valued Senior Member

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    3,833
    Avatar, have you any experience of living under anarchy, or are you just pulling that from under the armchair of democracy? Or maybe share a romanticized view of the gangs of new York.
     
    Jenyar, Oct 22, 2004
    #27
  11. whitewolf

    whitewolf asleep under the juniper bush Registered Senior Member

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    3,112
    He scares me because the mere thought of his face makes me feel like I'm chopping my limbs off. The limit is Friday because this is the time my friend wants to see both of us, the first time I see him in a friendly company.

    I thank all who contributed, don't know what I'd do without sense spoken to my eyes. He will be scared away.
     
    whitewolf, Oct 22, 2004
    #28
  12. Avatar

    Avatar smoking revolver Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    19,083
    What's with the out of topic, Jenyar?
    But because of my courtesy you may hear the answer as I see fit:
    Never been to the States, don't think I ever will. Couldn't care less about some gangs in ny. I've experienced revolution if that's what you mean.
    And as I understand you got interested in my avatar picture, thus the question and so the answer to your original curiousity is: Every man should stand for himself. Every man or woman should live the life he or she want's, be autonomous from anyone else. One against all, all against one. I don't care about a mob trashing everything if that's what you wanted to hear.
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2004
    Avatar, Oct 22, 2004
    #29
  13. Dreamwalker

    Dreamwalker Whatever Valued Senior Member

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    4,205
    Then I think it is definitely a very bad idea to get together with him. The mere thought makes me feel like bashing my brains with a hammer... :bugeye:
     
    Dreamwalker, Oct 22, 2004
    #30
  14. sargentlard

    sargentlard Save the whales motherfucker Valued Senior Member

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    6,698

    Jesus...Lady...do you read what you type? Does it not hit you, not make you wonder how amazingly idiotic you sound?

    I mean really....what is wrong with you? This dire need to be loved and establishing a family to gain self love must stem from somewhere. I keep getting the feeling that you're trying to cover up something by desperatly finding a man.....family troubles? Your need, this deperate want to be wedded isn't out of love for marriage or the desire to maintain the moral fabric of society...it screams a cry for help.

    ...and I thought Truthseeker was sad trying to find any girl to have 4 kids of his. I've read your other posts here and it doesn't make much sense how morbidly naive you're acting....heh, maybe you're having a good laugh at all of us reading this.
     
    sargentlard, Oct 22, 2004
    #31
  15. whitewolf

    whitewolf asleep under the juniper bush Registered Senior Member

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    3,112
    I see there is a small misconception. I am honestly perfectly happy being single, I adore life like nothing else, I find just as much pleasure in suffering as I do in joy: I adore it all with my entire heart. I do see establishment of a family as an important duty; however, it is by far not my sole goal in life and not the top one.

    I no longer desire to discuss the personal aspect of this problem.
    I did bring this up because it is an example of the age difference issue, which was discussed earlier. In the previous conversation, all seemed to be against relationships with large difference in age and I opposed that resolution. The conflict with the self interested me for a while, but it was exhausted many times as I agreed with a lot of what was said in this thread.

    Shortly, discussion is over. Unless you want to keep beating it in the afterlife. But you'll do it without me.
     
    whitewolf, Oct 23, 2004
    #32
  16. Bells

    Bells Staff Member

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    24,270
    She asked for an opinion and I gave it. Why does it bother you so much? She asked a hypothetical and then applied it to herself and her situation. I and the rest answered it and told her what we thought of it.

    The theme is what is our theory on dating? Hmmm... lets see now. The thread is titled 'ridiculous dilemma'... her first post is this:

    Maybe you should check with her as to what the theme of this thread really is. Because from where I'm sitting, she's posted a hypothetical based on a dilemma she's facing. Not on the theory of dating.

    And to answer your question, my theory on dating is not to date someone who scares you and to date someone you want to date and have fun while doing so. Don't lose your identity or push for something that the other does not want, but most importantly, have fun and enjoy it, not because you have a hidden agenda or purpose, but because you like spending time with that person.

    This makes my eyes want to bleed. White, if you feel that way about this man, why in the hell are you even considering it? If he makes you feel that way in the first place, seeing him in friendly company won't change that, it will only mean that you won't have to be alone with him. Do you seriously want to spend time alone with a man that makes you feel like cutting your limbs off?

    Lady, I don't know whether you're that naive or desperate, but for christ's sake, stop acting like a fool. If you crave a relationship that much, buy a dog. It will give you undying devotion and love. If one day you meet someone you like enough to want to go out with and they feel the same about you, fine, have a ball. But in the meantime, don't settle for anything less just because you've set a timetable on marriage and children and must stick to that goal. You will meet someone when you meet someone. There's no time limit to that. You can't say 'I must be married in such and such a time', especially when you're single and haven't met anyone yet. The saying 'desperation leads to desperate measures' should not apply to this white. In the meantime, stop acting and sounding like a fool.
     
    Bells, Oct 23, 2004
    #33
  17. c20H25N3o

    c20H25N3o Shiny Heart of a Shiny Child Registered Senior Member

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    2,017
    Love is patient first and foremost! Swallow frustration like a mountain! Eventually the mountain will dissolve and then you will see clearly!
     
    c20H25N3o, Oct 23, 2004
    #34
  18. DeeCee

    DeeCee Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,793
    Go on the date.
    If ya don't like him dump him.
    How hard is that?
    Dee Cee
     
    DeeCee, Oct 23, 2004
    #35
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