So hypothetically, let's say one of my friends met a girl whom he really likes a whole lot. Let's say they've talked on the phone a couple of times, and the girl was very interested in getting together soon. Let's say that he's talked to her on IM a couple of times since the last phone call, but it's been a week and a half since I.. I mean he.. has had a real conversation with her. Let's also say that she keeps leaving in the middle of their IM conversations, but doesn't tell me.. I mean him. So he ends up saying "Hello? Hello? Are you there but just don't want to talk to me?" and other pathetic-loser type things. Let's say that he's been a little too pushy, and has come on a little too strong..... what could I.. mean he.. do to recover from it and continue to have a chance with her? He doesn't mean to be pushy, but he'd like to talk to her more than once every two weeks. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! - Warren
well hypothetically, your friend should just ask her out. you know, lunch, dinner, brunch, whatever. not much progress can be made over IM. face to face is better. so arange a meeting.
This sounds like a question for Harmony THE Star errr ok, just HarmonyStar. Hey I should start a thread called: "Ask Harmony - for all your virtual dramas"Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Seriously though, I am an expert in this area. LOL. I'll explain how/why one day. For now, let me begin... Dear Hypothetical Warren, Well, speaking from experience, I for one do not take too kindly to pushiness. It can come across as desperate, and a tad scarey. You're a guy, so it's likely that you'll intimidate her. How old are you two anyway? You could wait a few days to let the dust 'settle' then perhaps send a brief email saying something like: "Hey just mailing to say a quick hello, am missing our little IM chats, hope to chat ya soon - cheers!" Or something to that effect anyways. Just come across as being very casual. Don't go on with "OMG are you talking to me?" or "What have i done?" or "Can you please reply, I am worried that you aren't talking to me". Those sorts of pissy one liners don't work. Do you have her mobile/cell number? SMS (text) her to say hello. Again be very casual. And wait a few days before doing so. Look, at the end of the day, if you haven't done anything wrong or said anything wrong to her and she just happens to have gone quiet, then there's not a lot that can be done. You just have to hope that she can see you for the nice guy that you are Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! I wish you lots of luck! ~HarmonyStar~ ...If you have any virtual problems you can contact Harmony at ... yeah j/k Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Done. When we last talked on the phone (10 days ago) we were both very excited to go out, and talked about going up to the city for an evening. We didn't pick an exact date though, because she was out of town at the time. Me - 23. Her - 19. Done. I waited two days after our phone call... sent her a cute email... she jumped on Yahoo like 10 minutes later and we chatted for a while... then the next night we chatted again... and now I just can't seem to get for more than 15 minutes at a time, and even then she's not really paying me very much attention. I do not have her phone number -- she has mine. It is perhaps important that I met her online, so all the normal social awkwardness is multiplied by three. :-/ Yeah I know, I only did that once. She was online, but stopped talking to me suddenly -- but was still active. I thought that was pretty rude, so I said "listen, if you're too busy to talk, just say so." Perhaps -- but the mixed signals kill me. She seems extremely interested one day, then not really at all afterwards. And she won't really give me any indication of what the hell it means. Thanks. - Warren
Hypothetically, your friend's hypothetical problem was not that he was pushy, but that he seemed too interested. I would advise your hypothetical friend to back off a bit.
Well, duh. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! The question is: is there anything else that can be done to "fix" things if I have already shown too much interest? - Warren
Gee, it is a tough one. I am going thru a similar saga at the moment myself. Ohhhhh the internet can lead us to meet the greatest people, but it can be so taxing on the mind and emotions too Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
People play too many games. It's annoying. You're either interested, or you're not. Chroot, she's either not interested or she's fucking with your head. I know what I'd do.
I'm going with HarmonyStar all the way. The grass is always greener on the other side, you know. Mindgames will more or less always be an issue, and if you are too needy the girl will feel uncomfortable around you. The problem with just trying to hold on to what you've got while her interest fades away, is that it at some point brings your relationship to subzero temperatures, which always ends with you not being friends anymore, either by you ending it in anguish, or she ending it by avoiding you. But have ease, it doesn't sound that bad. I never think about what I'd do to get the girl back, I think what I should do to be more independent. Find some stuff you like to do, plan a vacation, go on a shopping-spree or whatever tickels your pickle. Put some real effort in finding yourself for a while, and let it cool down. And stay off the god damned chat, let her rot infront of the computer while you get some sunlight. No offence, hehe. Anyways, you'd probably think about her all the time, and thoughts of rewinding time and wishing everything was back to where it once was, is probably going to cause echoes of her voice is your head, but hold on. After a while, you'll feel better. Maybe you don't hear from her anyways, but what the hell, it's just a girl. Send her an SMS and ask her what's up like a week later, for example, "I walked into this giftshop-store while I was shopping, and I spotted this really cute teddybear, it kind of reminded me of you. Just wanted to ask whats up, how is everything going with that science project you worked on, is it finished yet? hope I'll see you around, hugs!" Keep the distance and let her take the first step, and remember, you'll still be happy without her. With your brains, I'm sure you've already figured it out. Keep it up chroot Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
I'd give up on her, really. If you're looking to get laid, she's too much work. If you're looking for a "relationship", she's a flake and probably not good material. She looks good because she slipped away, and, well, people tend to value what they haven't got over what they have. However, she's still a high-maintanence flake.
Dear lord, I'm not fucked up to the point of crying myself to sleep over the girl or something! If you knew me, you'd know that I'm home maybe an hour a day... I have more interests and hobbies than you can imagine, and I'm the most independent person you'll ever meet. I just don't like the mixed signals and all. She seemed very cool, and I'd hate to let the chance slip away, that's all. - Warren
Getting laid is easy. Getting laid by the girl you want to get laid by is sometimes challenging. I often pursue the challenge just for the sake of it. I don't think either of us is really looking for something so deep as to be called a "relationship," with attendant quote marks. Always true. Maybe. But if she looks in real life like she does in those pictures she sent me, you'd want to fuck her, too. - Warren
