Real Jokes by Nurses and Doctors

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by Reiku, Oct 19, 2007.

  1. Reiku Banned Banned

    Well, hit me where the wind blows, these are good

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    Body: 1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going

    to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,

    rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and

    began to take off her underwear. Suddenly, I noticed

    that there were several cabs -- and I was in the wrong


    Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio , TX .

    2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a

    stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female

    patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I

    instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the


    Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA

    3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I

    told a wife that her husband had died of a massive

    myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later,

    I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that

    he had died of a "massive internal fart."

    Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

    4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment

    with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor,

    that he was having trouble with one of his

    medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the

    nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours, and

    now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him

    quickly undress, and discovered what I hoped I

    wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on

    his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the

    old patch before applying a new one.

    Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA

    5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly

    patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?"

    After a look of complete confusion, she

    answered..."Why, not for about twenty years -- when my

    husband was alive."

    Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR

    6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So, how's your

    breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for

    the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the

    taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the

    jelly, and the woman produced a foil packet labeled

    "KY Jelly."

    Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI

    7. A nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a

    young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker

    mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing

    strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined

    that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was

    scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was

    completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff

    noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and

    above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the

    grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon

    wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which

    said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

    Submitted by RN, no name

    AND FINALLY!!!............

    8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB , I was

    quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.

    To cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed

    a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon

    whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out

    laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from

    my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I

    tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song

    you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer

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  3. Gondolin Hell hath no fury like squid Registered Senior Member

    HAHA! The last one really got me!
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  5. Reiku Banned Banned


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    It was the KY jelly one and the first that really got me... i could just picture it.
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  7. Reiku Banned Banned

    Here is a REAL ad in the paper.

    >>>SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm>>>a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods,>>>riding in your car (whatever make or model, not fussy), hunting, camping>>>and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight>>>dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door>>>when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.>>>>>>Call 07898 342547 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting....>>>>>>Please scroll down . .>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the R.S.P.C.A. about an>>>8-week-old black Labrador retriever This has to be one of the best>>>singles ads ever printed.
  8. Nickelodeon Banned Banned

    I'd take the Labrador.
  9. Plazma Inferno! Ding Ding Ding Ding Administrator

    'Big breaths' for teh win!

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  10. Reiku Banned Banned


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