MONOGAMY [A St Valentines gift]

Discussion in 'Human Science' started by WANDERER, Feb 12, 2004.

  1. WANDERER Banned Banned

    Messages:
    704
    Some More
    And here I sit as the sun comes up upon another day.
    I’m going to have to go to work soon but the smell of spring is already in the air, the bitter-sweet smell of promise and expectation.
    It’s an intangible sensation, the odour of melting snow and wet grass waiting to spring forth. Energy suppressed and coiled up awaiting the opportunity to be released.
    I guess there’s a part of me that feels decadent for participating here, for exploring the human psyche with such vulgarity, at times. Like a peeping-tom looking through bedroom windows.
    At other times I see it more as a study of another species, almost.
    Like watching gazelles hump each other on the savannah.
    These people aren’t me. They exhibit such strange behaviours, ones I’ve felt oh so long ago and hopefully left behind in my naïve, self-discovering years.
    They come to me now like memories and I relive the ecstasies and horrors of those days. They fascinate me like a Preying Mantis fascinates me when she devours her mate, like watching a doe being consumed by wolves. I’m mesmerized by the spectacle of it all.

    I guess it is normal to experiment when one is young, to be unsatisfied, and to want to taste it all, but if you remain so throughout life then what does that say about you?
    I little pot, a little promiscuity, a lot of booze in the younger years is to be expected when the Will is still fragile and searching for solidity.
    But if you still need artificial fixes after a certain age, say 30, then there’s certainly something the matter with you. There’s somewhere you missed a turn and now you’re retracing your steps to find it.
    Too many people in the world. Just too many fucking people.
    Our forests and jungles have turned concrete and our predators and preys are all human now. We seek protection, nutrition and, with some of us, distinction from our own species. We are becoming creeds within creeds, kinds within kinds, all the same but still different. Other species don’t matter; they are art exhibitions and zoo spectacles.
    We are becoming a species breaking apart into distinctive groups, predators and prey all within a single genetic code.
    A person loses himself in this crowd, loses his identity if he isn’t careful.
    The throng carries him along and he becomes a part of a unidirectional river even while he may believe he is walking the other way.
    Then one turns to the artificial to substitute this lost self, one turns to the outside to find what is missing inside.
    Movies, Video-games, TV become our escape routes; alcohol, drugs, gambling, food, sex our facilitators of imagination; hedonism, gluttony, instinct, greed our vices.
    We use others like life-preservers, we cling to them to be carried to the surface and then when he hit shore we let go and search for another more appropriate for this new medium.
    But when a man does not love self, it shows. In his gait, in his posture, in his walk, in the way he treats himself and as a projection how he treats the world around him. You mistreat self by consuming sedatives and momentary fixes and that is what the world will offer you; you respect self and think of body as a temple one enters with reverence and caution and it will show. Others will enter your temples, if they so desire, with the same reverence you demand of yourself. You think of your mind and body as a free-for-all, a market to buy and sell, a whores convenient store and the others will enter your space like hucksters and salesmen looking for immediate gratification. They’ll see you as an amusement park ride to be ridden and then bragged about to acquaintances.

    The road of life is difficult. I know this more than most.
    It is full of disappointment and disillusionment, full of strife and struggle, full of need and desire. We all need a fellow traveler to hold our hand when we stumble or to hold it as we run with glee on the grass. But we don’t want to be held back or burdened with another’s limitations if they are not our own.
    That’s why we look for our own kind, our own creed. Those that are at the same level with us, so the journey is enhanced and not diminished.
    Monogamy?
    I guess it is a matter of taste or a matter of where you are in your life and what strength you have in you. I guess it is a matter of respect and reverence.
    I know that for me, it is part of my innate being.
    I’ve always been loyal and so I’ve always demanded loyalty from others that was rarely given.
    I’ve always been a minimalist. I throw away things I do not use and only buy things I will use. I am this way also with my human relationships.
    My friends are few but close, faithful and with me for long periods of time, for lifetimes.
    My lovers, again few, but fulfilling and enough for me.
    I never judged my manhood by the amount of women I could have. That is a measurement for boys who still pull out the ruler when they get an erection.
    I am Spartan both by birth and in spirit. I am contented with so little.
    Good food, good wine, good friends, good lovers. My table need not be filled with plates but only mirth and honesty.
    What I am contented with is not bought in grocery stores, it is out there for free.
    A walk under a spring shower with no hat or umbrella on until the water seeps down to my bones and I feel as one with the earth; the forest in the early evening, when shadows cast ancient ghosts and I feel like I’m home again; floating in the morning Aegean sea, when it is calm and as flat as glass and I’m back in the womb afloat in the universe, selfless and at peace.
    Then there are the more social moments. A song around a dinner table, sung not necessarily well but from the heart amongst friends and the intermingling of sentiments through voices raising you out of your loneliness on the ebb and flow of rhythm; a touch on the face of a lover, a brush of the hair, a tender caress as you gaze into her eyes and lose yourself, forget yourself and the world around you, her skin so soft against you; a smile and a laugh in a shared joke, the loss of inhibition the mocking of existence.
    We Greeks know about the tragedy/comedy of life. We’ve been crying and laughing when others still took existence so seriously.
    We dance, we amerce ourselves in the tempo but we do not lose step, we do not surrender to it.
    The tempo sounds but we decide how to dance and in what direction, the rhythm demands but we decide the artistry of our movements and their eloquence.

    _an.droid_
    Thank God! I got worried there for a moment.
    You know she was right.

    Fenris Wolf
    You give so sparingly, like every glutton you need to offer less than what you receive.
    Classic.
    But there might not be much to give or what there is you fear will be judged and discarded the same way you discard objects and people, like trash.
    Why? Because that’s how you feel about self and I’m beginning to agree with you.

    Laugh little one, laugh that nervous laugh of yours.
    If only you knew what I know about me, and because of it, about you.

    Has she shown signs of losing interest yet, do her responses seem cold as compared to the earlier ones?
    Has she found another interest?
    Mephura? Another?
    People that think of human beings as disposable instruments of self-gratification attract people that think likewise.
    Why will you complain if you are used and thrown away? You made it happen.


    Who says they haven’t?
    Keep fishing.

    Then feed on your barbiturates and wash them down with fire-water.
    Hey what games are you playing these days?
    Something with violence to release that pent up aggression and primitive energy, I suspect. SOCOM, Navy Seals?


    If it weren’t for Lucysnow you would keep at it.
    What did she ‘correct’ you in ‘private’?
    Is she one of your desired harem women?
    Do you crave to taste her, imitation of a man?

    But you are blind to so much more.
    If only you knew, you little twit.

    No moron, this is me, a small part of me.
    The other parts, the better parts, are not meant for my enemies but for my friends, for those I respect and trust.
    You chose your place now live with it. You sexual glutton, you needful little boy.

    I edit because my posts are so long and I make errors.
    Thanks for asking. Still looking for my soft spot huh?
    Keep looking moron.
    But you are always inebriated. If it isn’t alcohol then it is emotion and need. You are a walking need, drunk on weakness.
    Do you have ideas, any ideas? Do you only want to cry on other peoples shoulders?

    You wanted to put me in my place, you chose my wrath.
    Don’t whimper now.

    Nope. You don’t deserve it.

    My, my so....mysterious.
    What a glorious ‘seducer’ you are. You seduce with masks with artificiality. You ARE artificiality.
    Your entire world disposable, recyclable, reusable.

    I love the challenge idiot.
    It’s the speculation that entertains me and then hitting the mark. It’s sport.

    Lucysnow
    I know. I was just mentioning how Fenris Wolf uses evasive tactics to escape detection.
    But you must know more about this than I. I suspect this needful boy is PM'ing you, is he not?
    He can’t even see that a woman’s sexual gratification begins in the mind before it moves to her nether regions.
    A man must engage a woman’s imagination, inspire her into orgasm. This requires a sense of belonging, love, safety, the ability to expose vulnerability and not be laughed at or be looked down upon.
    But Fenris sees women as he sees himself, life preservers for pussy or penis, as the case may be. A consumer good, a taste of the week, a product to be tasted, tried and then thrown away or kept until something better comes along. Women help him escape himself just like alcohol does.
    But there’s more to this male/female sexual difference I feel needs exploring since it pertains to monogamy, on another day.
    Now I’m off to work.
     
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  3. Mrs.Lucysnow Valued Senior Member

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    *Wanderer*

    Quote: Then one turns to the artificial to substitute this lost self, one turns to the outside to find what is missing inside.

    Interesting. It is for this reason clinical narcissism, along with an entire array of personality disorders has become so prevelant; this loss of 'self' and reliance on image. A sign of our times but it is the entirety this particular culture that produces loss of self, the video games etc you mention are simply a small part of that, it begins in our families and then schools and the commencement of this process began a very long time ago. Its the reason I show so much respect in regards to children. The mindfulness one would need to nurture a strong, self-reliant, content and discerning individual seems dauting. One would have to work magic outside the current miliue or at least it seems so in my mind...not to mention the odds of finding a mate one could trust in regards to raising a healthy, psychologically sound child: How to justify bringing one into the world where there are so many, natural resources squandered and so little respect for individual growth and well being? But I do not think it is simply the fault of people in general. This environment is designed to breed discontent (how else could consumerism flourish?), we are born healthy Wanderer and become sick over time. Its the snowball effect of having experienced too much. Our environment is breaking the individual into fragments, shattering the journey inward inabling us to only perceive a feeling of emptyness as opposed to the whole of our being. The noise is becoming louder as Duncan mentioned, the volume is being amplified. In NY I don't need to have a television in my home because every cardio machine at the gym is wired to one. I can decide not to watch that one hooked to the machine but above those are four or five super large t.v's that hang in front turned at various channels and cannot be avoided. They are embedded into the side of buildings advertising goods (and we wonder why such high percentages of children in this city require Ritalin!!) Times Square itself is a cornicopia of flashing, blinking media/advertising sensations one wouldn't know where to begin focus. Have you ever read White Noise by Don Delillo? Read any of his books, they really nail this phenomenon down and the effects it has on the individual. The only time I notice all this white noise is in its absence. For the first few days in Belize the silence itself seems loud with the absence of noise, during the day it is brimming with sound but its the activity of life in the making birds, insects and other animals fecundating the air with their organic life energy. Its a beautiful thing and I am grateful for it. I consider all of my travel an aspect of hedonism because it brings me pleasure. We do not agree on the semantics of the word. I do not see hedonism in this culture because to be hedonistic one must understand how to enjoy and I don't see very much abandonment to joy nor experience it myself while in NY. To imbibe in pleasure is to understand the sensual which can be quite subtle, I do not see this subtlety anywhere. Sensuality is the dab of perfume on the wrist or the neck not the overpowering spray from a bottle. Hedonism in whatever form demands a certain passion and I rarely see passion.

    Quote: I guess it is normal to experiment when one is young, to be unsatisfied, and to want to taste it all, but if you remain so throughout life then what does that say about you?

    To remain anything throughout life is a sign of maladaption because life is about change and growth. The difference I believe in our perspectives is in how we see this process unfold. That we fall is not so important but how we re-integrate and rise up is, the persistence with which we fight inertia, the relentless compassion we show ourselves. It is this fight I find noble. That we shatter is irrelevant but how we process these various pieces towards our own growth and self-healing is. I never care about people who aren't involved in their own self-care, growth and healing. You seem to focus on the shattered fragments and I focus on the process we employ to resolve the issue. And many are in this process; I think it is this an.droid was trying to impart to you, being broken is natural but how one struggles towards health is an individual process that no outsider can really qualify. Just look at Oprah and all those self-help books, the different forms of therapy etc., people are seeking themselves in various ways and forms. Its the process that is sacred Wanderer not the achievement at the other side. If it weren't so you would never mention all you suffered or endured along your own journey. Is it not that very suffering and personal battle overcome that brings you pride? I do not find pleasure in the open wounds of others, I have my own wounds.


    Quote: I little pot, a little promiscuity, a lot of booze in the younger years is to be expected when the Will is still fragile and searching for solidity.

    Who is to say when the process of growth begins and ends? Who's to place a measurement of time on something as personal as transformation?

    Quote: But if you still need artificial fixes after a certain age, say 30, then there’s certainly something the matter with you. There’s somewhere you missed a turn and now you’re retracing your steps to find it.

    Why retracing? I don't think this is about a missed turn I think its about finding the fork in the path (there's a difference). There is something wrong with all of us, it cannot be helped. There are a few who perhaps having grown in a stronger nurturing environment or advanced with awareness do not to struggle as severly in order to find this self-awareness. I know for myself that there are no degrees of being lost...one simply is that, and when one is in this place it is only compassion that leads one through the fog. And no I do not mean compassion in the Christian sense but as Kundera so beautifully phrases describes:

    "In languages that derive from Latin "compassion" means we cannot look on coolly as others suffer; or, we sympathize with those who suffer. Another word with approximately the same meaning, "pity", connotes a certain condescension towards the sufferer. "To take pity on a woman" means that we are better off than she, that we stoop to her level, lower ourselves. That is why the word "compassion" generally inspires suspicion; it designates what is considered an inferior....In Languages that form the word "compassion" no from the root "suffering" but from the root "feeling", the word is used in approximately the same way, but to contend that it designates a bad or inferior sentiment is difficult. The secret strength of its etymology floods the word with another light and gives it a broader meaning: to have compassion (means co-feeling) means not only to be able to live with the others misfortune but also to feel with him any emotion-joy, anxiety, happiness, pain. This kind of compassion therefore signifies the maximal capacity of affective imagination, the art of emotional telepathy. In the heirarchy of sentiments, then, it is supreme."

    It is this co-feeling, to feel with another that breaks the walls of isolation between people no matter how different. It is only the sociopath and psychopath who lacks any sense of 'feeling' towards another. I had the most difficult of childhoods and young adulthood, I have been lost and become so again at times but do not remain there long, I have endured many blows to a self struggling to heal from early wounds. It is for this reason I do not dismiss the pain or suffering of another no matter what stage they are in because I too remain in process. You wrote somewhere once that man must be in a stage of becoming. Well co-feeling is an acknowledgment of this becoming and the alacrity with which we enter the light of day and breathe serenely from a place of wholeness will differ from person to person. When I find myself becoming too morbid in my present environment I leave for a place that facilitates this ongoing growth, that supports it so the self-soothing/self-generating healing can continue to function unabated. I will not struggle against the tide of inanity I find in this environment and how would i when it doesn't serve my growth but simply picks away at it before I have reached a stage of solidity. What stage in the process we find ourselves depends on where we began. To be shattered early is different than to find oneself somewhat chipped. The jigsaw puzzle of a thousand pieces takes more time than one with only five hundred. A broken child has to unravel and undo what was done, this takes a certain enlightenment and self-awareness, before it can begin to rebuild and fine tune its healing/growing self. This is why i am appalled with how lightly people produce children. I am not interested so much in where people are but in how genuinely they confront and combat their weakness; in this one cannot feign courage. If you yourself have been through these stages then you would share this co-feeling because people ultimately do not want to be pitied or fixed by another, what people want is for another to wink and acknowledge their struggle, how lonely it would be if there were no one to do this. Some people go through life without that ever happening at all.

    Quote: a woman’s sexual gratification begins in the mind before it moves to her nether regions. A man must engage a woman’s imagination, inspire her into orgasm.

    Well okay now you have definity hit on the truth! If I only had a dime for every time I have had to explain this to someone.

    Quote:But there’s more to this male/female sexual difference I feel needs exploring since it pertains to monogamy, on another day.

    Please do.
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2004
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  5. Mrs.Lucysnow Valued Senior Member

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    *Wanderer*

    I am reminded of something. You mentioned somewhere something about Zorba (I simply adore that film and Anthony Quinn of course), well do you remember when he married that old woman who he did not love and felt no affinity with? Remember the lies he told her, well why did he do all this? There was no cruelty in him, only the desire to preserve the myths, hopes and dreams she held dearly so the woman could leave the world with some joy and contentment in her heart. A seemingly selfless act on his part but it was not, how could he look at himself with any dignity if he did not change a little something, ease a little something in the life of another? Do you remember how he felt as those around him desecrated her death by pillaging all her belongings? He respected her humanity. He had no obligation to her but extended his 'co-feeling' which was the crux of his humanity. In my memory it is the most beautiful part of the entire film because it revealed his tenderness.
     
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  7. Mrs.Lucysnow Valued Senior Member

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    *Duncan*

    You have completely rubbed yourself out here. How am I supposed to send a pm? If you have my email address please send me yours or contact via pm.
     
  8. gendanken Ruler of All the Lands Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,779
    Xev:
    "Waste" is defined as any attempt to share meaning with Ophelias.

    Wanderer:
    My comments are always about what I see in the real world. I’m dishonest in calling the modern man a fat pig how? In not naming who I ‘mysteriously’ allude to? What the fuck is your problem?

    They describe the filth that drove me to this place with no face to look on me with its lusts and stupidities- Sciforums. Modern man is neither you, nor him, nor her, nor here nor there nor anywhere else on these forums-. you, sir, need to stop thinking in terms of cybercafes.

    I have attacked you.

    We’re going to have for ourselves here a little practice session, Wanderer.You and I.


    You’re calling your rendezvous with ‘wolfy’ a massacre and you the Hercules beating him down to pulp, then you turn to me and cry out Diana! Will you not rescue your beast with your arrows?! How cruel of her……..woe to the world for prey such as this !

    How Greek of you.

    Let’s keep this simple, shall we?

    A simple statement 3 pages ago has the both of you up a shit creek beating each other with paddles. Why? You smell a vendetta- a wolf is out to destroy you if only to cure his bitch of any interest she once had in you..

    Newsflash….dear: He made a mistake in here and you followed him in it.
    Newsflash number two: You assume my fists don’t ball up on their own. These fragile little hands need advice in their wrath, maybe?

    Don’t you remember me? Of course not- we first met in that Bob thread of yours. I called you a shiny star collapsing under its bullshit- a gabby little supernova- the very same thing you accused me of afterwards.

    Ringing bells?

    Its slipped your mind perhaps- but no sweat, there’s a story behind it: You are so much like me- we’re both in the midst of throngs dying to master ourselves by precious gifts and I saw that- a sensitive creature gathering his mind from experience, craving ideas, stalking knowledge like a falcon and then gobbling it up once you catch it then not minding sharing the wealth- all of this and the irony of the sensitivity “too easily impressed and horrified, too ignorant and temporal to have clarity of logic required to achieve absoluteness”…….you wrote this once.

    Now read this: “ I’m a fickle thing, it seems- so hard on the outside, scowling at the world and holding my head high above swine… but look at you- so perceptive and horrified, tragic, loving, pure, you’re like a slab of burnt meat all pink on the inside. A chaotic creature bending for the pain in the world you see only when it slows down to show you and those gifts put it on paper- I’ll master you one day, girl. No discipline.I imagine your sneers hide something.”- gendanken


    This is from the pages and pages and pages I keep locked away from the world and have only sprinkled now and then on the forums this whole year or so that I’ve been here. The similiary is predictable.......but uncanny.

    Essay for essay you sounded like me, Wandy. I have 3 books so far that will testify to this effort I’ve put in to mastering myself…………..and there he goes with his website. I sat a whole afternoon till my eyes bled drinking you up, and the star shone as bright as mine. It shone and shone and shone until I met you again on your Bob thread. I understand having to stoop down to shit only to rub its face with shit but you became a bloody jukebox..I said this remember? But not just any jukebox…….no, this one’s the bulky kind they used on the Holocoaust, they’d play Lolita songs with it to overpower its listeners and soothe them right into misery. A loudspeaker. Revolting and nauseating- and so the difference with you and I became clear: motive. And that’s when my fists balled up. Imagine that…all on their own.

    Pretty silly to think I need advice on a headache, no? Wolfy boy has nothing to do with this- you’re free to ask him what I’ve been saying about you those few times you even come up… but something tells me a little girl’s been whispering it to you.

    I brought you up. Gendanken.

    Analysis:

    There’s so much in that greek blood that runs in my latin one- but look around and the difference cries out to you with its filth- your kind of ‘prey’ is contemptible to me where to you its enchanting.

    I don’t know your current ‘prey’ all that well, despite what you think, and if you’ve nailed anything or not is for him to know since I don’t. You've been cheating though- your perceptions are not the guesswork you'd like everyone here to believe, my little artifice. But no matter- he may be the poser you’ve been calling him, but that would be his problem.

    But you........you'll hunt prey down with ~mirrors~ and if they break you’d drag your feet through the stinking mud after it just to stab it with shards- even if it backed down.

    I’m only moved to break those unbroken, or seemingly so. Break or make, depending. Any 'prey' lacking only amuses with its confrontation- a word or two would squash it. But what to do with those I’m moved to destroy if I hate or create a small world around if I don’t?
    Those like……… you? The full ones that could only exist by defiance?

    Call him a dandy?
    One of those noxious bohemians trolling through France in the 30’s?
    A lonely, bedridden thinker who is so sick and obstinate in his ego he’ll close his eyes on himself one day? He’s killing everything I saw in him once.

    Your mistake is in the lingo: harem-speak is what my language calls ‘corriente’ or cheap, and its use betrays its speaker. I’m neither a bitch nor a mare-only morons speak in terms of real estate, you fucking moron.


    I can sit here for days with a yen to tear you to shreds or take you into my world and share gold, but text is text. This post I’ve been working on has taken up most of my evening- we’re fascinating creatures Wandy. I love this post to you above others- only with one almost like me would I go so far. But you’re as careless as you are vindictive- a subtle seducer so full of double meaning and childsplay – I’ll say it again, text is text but given physical locality you’d be one quiet, quiet, man.

    Lastly:

    I blame me for me. Always.
    And you know full well that I'm as full as you are with a world of wealth to share- I've said it many times- but you'll forever go on saying its solitude I choose so long as you see that you're not that one who's going to be sharing in it.

    And I imagine you think you’ve already mastered your insides. Don’t let seniority lie to you.

    Nietzche writes about being harmful with what is best in us, that sometimes our strengths push us so far so fast that we refuse to reconsider what needs considering in our person and ‘charm’. Look harder, monsieur.
     
  9. Xev Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    10,943
    gendanken:

    The solution being to ask them to die faster.

    No, actually Fenris is lying about that: whatever Wanderer gets he gets from cold reading and forum watching, if not from Fenris.
    See? It's just a pretty little soap opera here.
    Now if the three of you would decide who is going to fuck whom, and then calm down about the whole affair, I'd be much obliged.
     
  10. Mrs.Lucysnow Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    9,879
    (belly laugh)

    Fucking? I didn't think any of you people fucked!
     
  11. WANDERER Banned Banned

    Messages:
    704
    Lucysnow
    Some are born healthier than others.
    There is no equality here. Genetics coupled with environment determining position.

    This is what I’m fighting.

    I am against extremes not hedonism or asceticism.
    There are two opposing extremes here, the one is rampant intellectualism that drains the mind from any pleasure, the other is rampant instinct that surrenders to need and becomes a victim of it.
    I talk about balance. Control.

    Yes, but when one uses nature to excuse himself for acting like an animal it is a pathetic attempt at self justification.
    Man is about the overcoming of nature the overcoming of self.

    On a later date but I was hoping you would start first since the female perspective is what I lack and am most interested in.

    That’s the exact book I had in mind when writing about ‘dancing’.
    Yes, I agree but you must know that it isn’t compassion itself I have a problem with but the offering of gifts to imbeciles that can never appreciate it or acknowledge it or take advantage of it.

    gendanken
    Finally the queen rises to shield her wearied warrior.
    Some loyalty exposed, she hears his cries of anguish, his struggle to save face before her and she enters the frey to symbolize her forgiveness.
    Finally I find a pretext to stop the bloodshed. But will I take it?
    It all depends on wolfy.

    Your arrows are wasted warrior princess. You attack the innocent.
    Is it so hard to believe that all this I’ve done with no help?
    Do you still underestimate me?
    Yes?
    Good, I wouldn’t want it any other way.
    If only you knew, if only.

    Such spirit, is it any wonder she's the heartbreaker of little boys?

    And you need to stop denying what is painfully obvious.
    Your actions speak for you my princess. There is need in you, there is craving there is a search on.
    But for what? Shall I say?

    Sorry I mistook your thrusts for a joke.
    But proceed, defend your man, take revenge on him who batters him before you and makes you feel that feeling you so hate, that feeling of compassion.
    What is it now 4 against 1?
    Good, the odds are getting better.
    Do you mistake me for a child, princess?
    Do you think I’m one of those idiots running behind you smelling your ass, kissing it, trying to fondle it?
    I’m someone you’ve never met before, you epitome of female strength, oh sorry, of human strength.
    Do you think your words and artistic antics intimidate me?
    Proceed.

    Oh goody I’m all a tingle.
    A little fear mixed with some anxiety, intertwined with plenty of attraction
    You are giving me a hard-on.

    Yet, here you are heeding my call.
    Do you always do what a man asks you to Diana or do you want to talk with me again and this is the only way before my eyes?

    Notice her acceptance of my derogatory term for her downfallen fighter ‘wolfy’ in this paragraph.
    Has she lost respect for him then, is her intervention on his behalf the final straw against him?
    Had she already noticed the kinks in his armor?
    It's over between you two isn't it?
    There might be another on the scene, a newcomer.
    But who?
    I must know.

    Notice also the “…once had in you…”. She’s using female tricks even when she pretends to be above them. Look at how she uses her supposed female allure to punish me for my indiscretion. She, like most women, thinks she’s a prize awarded to the best male and her pussy withdrawn is punishment enough. And most of the time she’s right.
    But I’m a man like you’ve never met before, you untested warrior princess that fights with children and calls it glorious. You’ve gotten used to your little boys and their fawning deference’s, you’ve grown accustomed to their long evasive beatings around your bush [pun intended] as they try to express interest without losing all of their dignity. They lose it anyways.
    But princess I could have had you if I wanted to. Did you think I didn’t notice your short posts towards me and how you pulled your punches and expressed sympathy? Do you think I did not see your 'interest' so long ago?
    Did I take advantage of it? Nope.
    Why? Think.
    If I wanted you I would have taken you.
    You are ripe for the picking. You think I don’t see YOU, princess?
    But my plate is full and I am not a glutton like the one you were willing to surrender to.
    I eat slow and I become contented with small portions. I'm Saprtan, remember. Fgihters live lightly and are lean.
    How weak of you. You fell for all that crap that only naïve girls would to?
    How needy of you.
    Do you think I do not SEE you?
    Birds of a feather honey.
    Did you not read my hints to you? “Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are”, “Humans are defined by the environment they exist in, the friends they keep”.
    You should choose your friends more carefully if you do not want to be blemished by their weaknesses and personalities.
    You haven’t mastered yourself yet. You’re still exploring it.
    It's an exploration that never ends.

    I tremble.
    What do you know of fighting?
    Have you ever been defeated honey? Have you been humiliated and still stood up once more? Have you been cut and enjoyed it?
    Do you think words matter to me?
    There’s nothing you can do to me. I’ve been through it all and more, things that will break you. You haven’t even begun to witness the sickness on this earth.
    But how callously you expose his mistake, how heartlessly.
    I did not accept his mistake, dear, I played along with it to get you here in our little group of thieves.
    What are two knights fighting in the night worth when the queen is not there to witness it?
    And here you are, like I wanted.
    Let the opera begin.
    This is getting interesting.

    Did his open heart and him sharing his life with you not pressure you to show some gratitude, some respect to him; him that wants you so much?
    I’m now beginning to pity him.

    Why do you assume that that was not exactly what I wanted to become.
    Once I realized the level of this place and the quality of wildlife populating it, I decided to stir up some dirt and cause some controversy, just for my pleasure. I decided to do some people watching.
    I wanted to rub their noses in what they have allowed themselves to become.
    But what bullshit? Shit does not cause bleeding, princess.
    Did you not see all the blood in those threads?
    If you disagreed where were you with the bandaids?

    I am that, but also much more.

    Man that Bob essay, written as a joke, has really riled up people. Not only here but in the other Forum.
    It actually caused my expulsion from there, being that the administrator was an American and all.
    But with which part did you find commonality with?
    Which description reminded you of you and angered you?
    I was talking about a hypothetical American named Bob, which part of Bob mirrored you?
    Maybe I’ll write another satirical piece and call it…..”Jim” or something like that.
    It’ll describe the decline of the western intellectual and the emergence of the pseudo-intellectual, through which little girls and little boys, with little life experience, huge libraries and many expectations that eventually become disillusionments, come to believe they comprehend suffering because they’ve read it in a book or they feel it when a little cat is hurt or because they are so misunderstood and so unappreciated. The emergence of a human that is disheartened by the superficiality of the world and then proceeds to propagate it by behaving just as superficially and hedonistically as the very ones it despises.

    I’m exacting vengeance on those that sully this world and if I need to repeat myself over and over and over again then that is what I will do.
    Did you not also see how they greeted my essays, with what nauseating filth they introduced themselves to me when I poured my heart out to them?
    Did you not see the attacks on me, their nails reaching for my throat to tear me apart?
    Should I have just allowed these animals to get away with believing they’ve made me flee?
    NO!!!
    My following two essays ‘The American’ and ‘What about Bob?’ was a reprisal.
    Did you see them run dear? It was my gift to my kind, to myself.
    I’m exacting reprisal on this dirt that calls itself humanity and your ‘boyfriend’ is one of them; a tiny boy that tarnishes human relations with his gluttony and capitulation to instinct.
    And you? You were tempted were you not?
    You bought into his “It’s my nature and it is yours as well” routine and almost made human sexuality a thing as base as two pigs fucking in the shed.
    And now you come to me to separate yourself from it, to distance yourself from both me, obviously, and him, not so obviously.

    You underestimate me again.
    You believe I do not have the faculties to see you and him as what you are?
    I like it.
    What pretty love triangles we had going on in here and along comes Wanderer to shatter myths and reveal faces behind masks.
    Did you read my ‘What I am’ essay? It is there.
    But you have it backwards on the whispering, you have it in reverse.
    If only you knew, my dear.

    I’m flattered.
    So there’s no hope for the two of us then? There’s no chance?
    Too bad.
    But why would I want a woman that gives herself to anyone and especially to a glutton to be consumed and defecated out later?
    You use such pretty words, such clever pictures, so much reading material behind your intellectual wonders, but I know more about human nature princess, books and knowledge and name dropping and posturing mean nothing to me. Actions, ACTIONS, expose truth. Your actions, past and present reveal you despite your artistry and linguistic creativity.
    Do you think facades cloud my vision and I buy your designed character in here?
    Again you underestimate me. Good.

    Does a lion find his prey contemptible or enchanting or does he just feed on it and call it food?

    That’s it stomp on his heart now that he’s down, spit on him in his hour of need.

    My talents or lack of will be exposed in time. But your heart is becoming apparent.

    Yes!!!! My wrath is as passionate as my love.

    Break me if you can. I dare you.
    But what misery you surround yourself in.
    Even in my deepest hate I find room for love, abandon, forgiveness, compassion.
    You are a thorny bush [Pun intended again] and woe to whoever brushes up against it.
    You are a high maintenance woman. Not in the materialistic sense but in the emotional one. Living with you would demand constant confrontation and power struggles. A man would tire of it in time. Love should not require so much effort.
    There would be no peace, no tranquility, no vulnerability, no quietness and no comfort.
    You are a one night woman, to be enjoyed and then to flea away from in the night. You are a praying mantic that devours her mate.
    I need tenderness in my garden; there's enough fight out there for me not to want more in here.

    Do you think I will be as easy as him? How you must have toyed with him, how you must of played with his gluttony, how it must of flattered and disgusted you.

    Yes he is and you?
    Contemplation and observance necessary.
    But do not fret I will not be as public with you. You are much too tender.
    First observation: People have a hard time living up to your expectations, don’t they?
    They are never, ever 'good enough'. A princess with her nose held high you stroll through your fields finding shiny emeralds that hold your attentions only until the next one catches your eye.
    Is that what you saw in him, is that the point of communion between you two?
    But nobody will be enough for you, there will always be something wrong with him….never with you.
    You’ve placed yourself on a pedestal where nothing can reach you so that you will not have to give yourself to anything.
    When they jump at you, you find them disgusting in their need, if they don’t you bend over to look more closely and notice the imperfections on their skin.
    Who will be good enough for princess?
    Let the king declare a day of competition where knights from the far reaches of the kingdom will gather to do battle and prove their worth to her.
    She’s a prize to be earned by the best….by the BEST.
    I think I’ll sit this one out.
    The princess will become a queen one day and I do not like royalty.
    I like the down to earth, the simple, the Spartan.
    My gardens will not fit such high royalty they are much too humble.

    But I do anyways.
    But who is your next stallion?
    There are so many lining up to ride you.
    But there inside there’s that need to find a worthy steed to ride for once instead of being ridden; a strong healthy specimen to guide with subtle pulls on the harness and gentle pushes on the stirrups; a steed to gallop across the grasslands on and feel the air in your hair.

    Distance is a matter of perspective.
    But like I’ve said my plate is full and I am no glutton thinking about my next meal while this one lies steaming hot before me. My meals keep me occupied for years, sometimes for lifetimes. I eat slow, I enjoy every bite, I turn every piece around in my mouth and allow my saliva to coat it well before I swallow.
    And if gives me heartburn in the end?
    Well I've learned to cope with it but I intend to take a chance anyways.
    If it gives me indigestion?
    Then it wasn't as good as a meal as I thought it was.
    Wanderer has accepted his limitations and fallibility. Now he wants to take chances where once control prevented him from abandonment.
    The Wanderer is now strong enough to pass anything and who knows maybe this meal will nourish him forever. He needs so little really; he is austere.
    I was once like you, careful, addicted to control, picky.
    I am training myself not to belike that anymore.
    I do not gulp it down in a breath and then look around for another before it has reached my stomach.
    I never betray loyalties or crush trust.
    I am one of a kind that needs only a one of a kind.
    I'm special.
    But you know this already.

    What I need is someone I can gaze into and see me there, someone I can hold as if I’m holding self, someone I can kiss and kiss self, someone I can look at and see all the goodness I want to reproduce, all the qualities I want to propagate so that they aren’t lost from this fucked-up world.
    What I need is someone I can walk in silence through a park with and have to say nothing, someone I can be in a crowd with and yet be only with her, someone I can be a child with and not lose my manhood, someone I can fight along side with and bear both defeat and victory with equal grace.
    But alas romantic ideals are sometimes cruel to the dreamer and I have no more boyish illusions about their possibility. But I refuse to let them go, I refuse to allow this universe to crush me with its indifference.
    One of the last of my kind I may be and future man may be Bob, in his many different forms and Jim the downfallen ‘philosopher king’ corrupted, betrayed and enslaved, but I refuse to compromise and to give in. Let me die with dignity as what I am and be forever lost from this miserable existence.
    But who knows? Sometimes fate offers us opportunities we ignore, misjudge or grab onto. It takes courage and strength to take a chance and allow things to take you where they will, it takes controlled abandonment; a jump into a raging river with you bobbing sometimes over the surface sometimes beneath it, struggling for air, risking drowning and the sharp edges of stones and cliffs and then, perhaps, the quiet, endless, peaceful sea at the end as your just reward.

    Perhaps you are as full as you claim to be and my ....twin....in many ways. I certainly appreciate the courage it took to be so candid in open forums.
    BUT!
    Considering your past choices and the men you chose to "share" you with, I am somewhat glad to not be included in that group.
    You need someone to ride and I am too free-spirited to be ridden; too proud.
    I want someone to run alongside me, and not on top of me. But I’m sure there are many willing to allow you the saddle if you ask for it.
    Do you not see them? Look around you.
    If I point them out to you will you believe it was another that helped me in my perception or that it was I that saw?

    Not seniority, experience.
    Mastering self takes a lifetime and it is a job that never ends.
    I certainly have proceeded down that path further than you have. Simply because I've been on the road longer.
    But women mature faster and they reach their full height and tower over boys early on. But where there is more to develop more time is needed.
    Boys eventually wind up becoming taller than women even if it took them longer to reach that height.
    Is that not why young girls find themselves attracted to older men? Why they find commonality with them and why they can relate with them on so many levels?
    Is that not why you are here?
     
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2004
  12. Mrs.Lucysnow Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    9,879
    Wanderer

    Quote: Some are born healthier than others.There is no equality here. Genetics coupled with environment determining position.

    Well that is a different argument altogether. Its too complicated to figure out what in who is innate and environmental.

    Quote:I am against extremes not hedonism or asceticism.
    There are two opposing extremes here, the one is rampant intellectualism that drains the mind from any pleasure, the other is rampant instinct that surrenders to need and becomes a victim of it.
    I talk about balance. Control.

    Then I have misunderstood you.

    Quote:Yes, but when one uses nature to excuse himself for acting like an animal it is a pathetic attempt at self justification.
    Man is about the overcoming of nature the overcoming of self.

    Well it is here that you misunderstand me. The nature of the individual is just that, in other words it just is and everything that manifests itself in thought and action is determined by this nature. Man overcoming his 'self' his nature is THE confrontation and the sacred journey I was describing, but this doesn't nullify that whatever one confronts in themselves isn't in fact their nature. Identifying this isn't an 'excuse' its pointing out what is. I have also said that ones personal nature can be re-wired or re-programmed by the individual themselves.

    Quote:I have a problem with but the offering of gifts to imbeciles that can never appreciate it or acknowledge it or take advantage of it.

    Okay and on this point I would agree 100%...and on that note...I will later post my opinion concerning the male/female difference pertaining to sex and why there is so much confusion in what everyone wants as opposed to what everyone does.
     
  13. Fenris Wolf Banned Banned

    Messages:
    567
    All right. I believe here I am nearly done - some are seeing blood spattered on walls, but then it always has been fascinating to many what an illusionist can do with smoke, mirrors, just the right amount of truth and ... an eager audience. People will believe anything if it is presented to them in just the right way, and if they want to.

    I could speak to you of the weekend I just had - you would have sat in a corner in contempt, watching them open like flowers with just the right amount of pressure, the right words in the right circumstances. There are jewels hidden in that herd that you will never find. You would have sat there with hooded eyes, feeling and glorying in your own indestructibility and not seeing how that stone mind weighs you down. You would have sat there and named them Bob with your eyes, and to you, those who were not Bob would never have spoken. You would tell yourself it is fear of you makes them silent. You speak of your love of humanity, tell yourself and any who would listen how much you love, but only those who deserve that love, only those who beg for yours. You call, and say "come to me"... and never see the contempt that act earns in the eyes of those who neither want nor need you. You say you wish to share, but you are selling - and some have no need of your produce, nor wish to pay the price you attach to it. They can have it free elsewhere.

    And yet.. you use what you percieve as the needs of others as a weapon, holding it up as a sickness, when it is you who suffers that sickness more than any. You speak of your years of observation, but I think you have not spoken much, until you found the means to present yourself in the manner you do. You have watched, and watched, and if you've ever asked, they have not spoken to you, unless in submission... because they have instinct too, these animals. They know a predator. You speak of the herd, but you only give it a name and call that understanding - you feed off it, and name it love.

    Call me sheepdog, if you must. Hold me in contempt, but that is because you don't know what I am. You label to give yourself comfort. Fit me into your world in a way which gives you the ability to dismiss - you have to, don't you? This is why I laugh when you take my desire, my own search, and call it "need" with your contempt of the word dripping from you... because it never was that, despite the two-dimensional pictures you painted. Those homes in your paintings are cold, and empty... but the real ones you only saw from behind your easel have fires burning in them, warmth, and old stories that your paintings can never capture. You are not a good enough artist, but even cheap art will sell well to those who don't have a discerning eye, they will buy what they are told to. And you are a good salesman.

    You are a juggernaught, aren't you. Indestructible. All those blows ringing off you, and you saying all the while they're not leaving a mark. But you whisper to some that you are crystal, and will shatter, with just that light, feminine... touch. Seductive, that call. I heard it too, wondered at it - until I saw you there. The price, Wanderer. Oh, the price they'd pay. Some already have, and some are reaching for their purses. Keep talking.

    I don't think you understand what I've just done with you - and most of the "observers" won't either. Did I cry at just the right times, beg just when you wanted to see me beg? Did you see your own words staring you in the face?

    There probably has been a cost, to me. I knew of it, that I might pay, before I started. What I might have lost because of this is mine alone to know, as is the pain it will cause if I have. Not yours. You have not earned the right to know me.
     
  14. Fenris Wolf Banned Banned

    Messages:
    567
    I know. How sad that so many deprive themselves of it, or attempt to communicate with those not worthy of it. Some are speaking contemptuously of instinct, here, and don't see how it is in fact they who are surrendering to it. Balance, they speak of, and extremes - and never see how they deprive themselves of one and go to another in their "nobility".
     
  15. gendanken Ruler of All the Lands Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,779
    Xev:
    FUCK?

    Wanderer:
    Pause.
    You’re kidding, right?

    You wanted me in here so badly, and I gave it to you. A little word here, a little word there, metaphor metaphor everywhere……all that eyewash.

    Despite it, I left you to do what you do and posted my take on monogamy in a meaningless world, you then decide to get personal, I post again to do just that since you asked for it …..and then from that you conclude that my last post to you was a defense for one that cried out for protection?
    I actually defended somebody?
    Oh?

    Tell me……..you honestly believe there’s a little boy in my ear begging me to see you’re a liar, yes? Or if not a liar at least sadly mistaken, no? Can’t see how it would be me thinking it all on my own then?

    In that regard, you underestimate me. And in your ludicrous analysis up there of what gendanken is, both you *and* I overestimated you. Grossly overestimated, indeed. Even your reading comprehension nowadays is insulting.

    Read close: Always fight for a cause that’s your own...... is my credo.
    Fight for, love, protect and commit to those few that know your strengths, faults, needs, and weaknesses is another one.
    I don’t “fight” anyone’s "battles" if the rules don’t apply.
    I’ve met only a few in my past but they did not know what language to understand my full yearning with but I loved them anyway. Here in the online world I’ve met one, that’s right ONE, that reached out to me in both humility and honesty- two virtues in people I never rub in their faces or throw them out for. I learned to laugh at my seriousness, I learn to play chess and find joy in bickering over stupidities like continental taxonomy, blueblood, language, the brain, and what defines narrow with gumballs.

    I’m not one to be wooed, and you know it. I don’t “surrender” to anything. Everyone here is free to reach out to me as they are to you.
    Reaction….dear- the same stuff that happens when someone here or in the ‘real’ world reaches out to you is the same stuff that happens when someone sprays some perfume- stupid ones lose themselves in its odor, others crowd around it just to borrow and smell better, while a small few will take their time in figuring out its ingredients and then share their own smell.

    People strike of their bad odors…….Wanderer. This is the second time I’ve said this about you.

    The ‘what’ is clear to both you and me, or it might not be considering this new light I’m seeing you in after the horrid darkstabbing in your last post.

    Do you think your words and artistic antics intimidate me…..
    Do you think your words and artistic antics intimidate me…..
    Do you think your words and artistic antics intimidate me…..

    10 little words. He can sit there and with a bold face type them out on his keyboard, finish the rest of his post, proofread it, come back to edit while brushing by them again…………….and yet fail to realize how those very words apply.precicely.to.him. .

    You’re a funny creature too, Wanderer. To think that all your fingerpointing and futile namcalling and misfires would stop COLD…C-O-L-D…… if I reached out to you and found you not just worthy…...but something as simple as likeable. All it would take is a pm to begin it.

    Do I have to? Fondling and smelling my ass…......interesting.

    Your insistence on ‘sex’ in the online world is both stupid and pathological now, oh you powerful Jim that can see through underwear. Tell me some stories.

    See?

    :

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

    dd Silencio::

    You, sir, are insane.

    And if a lioness has a muskrat tugging on her tail, will that lioness go on looking away or turn around and treat the little pest like a muskrat?

    Never thought of this but now you’re just………..getting annoying. Do shutup.

    So! I can’t use your own term, then? Tessie, Wessy, Wandy, and Gendy…..Wolfy. Diminutives for familiarities……..I’ve been doing it longer than you. I feel so cheap.


    Fighting for women in the real world is childish. Doing it online is insane. It betrays the depravity, corruption, and squalor in those who engage in it. Can you see that its you that’s been making this a soap opera with your harem gibberish?

    Your problem, it seems, is not just philosophical loneliness.

    “Punishment” and female “tricks” and “allure” are your words not mine.

    I have the same problem with people in the real world and a few members here who feel I’m being magnanimous or conciliatory- but it’s a them thing, not a me thing. Most of the time, anyway. You remind me of that ploy Xev said you’d use in saying I overcompensate for being a fat hog in reality.
    Careless badinage is a always a sign of resentment.


    But you have all the freedom in the world to tell me or yourself about how much I yearn for you in secret, you cold reader you. I already have some idea on what spiritual beauty looks like.
    Remember you saying something about never having been called dishonest?

    Here’s a first, you liar.

    By the time you actually heard me directly, you, sir, were a carcass. The online world is a prank- you could only have picked the fruit ripe for the picking (my…those metaphors) ..you could only have picked it when you could not possibly know you could- that very day I spent on your website.
    You like honesty, eat mine.

    You see a man, follow him quietly, watch interactions, look at his ACTIONS and then misfire: he’s only a platform Charlie (charlatan) with tights on. If you weren’t we’d be dancing right now.

    Yes I do and no you don’t. And guess who showed it to me?

    That's what I like.

    And my what wonderful insight he has sitting there watching the WHO”S online and gauging ACTIONS in posts. Posts.

    I trusted your friend once so I’ll go so far as to believe her in saying all you get is what the wolf and others supposedly give you. I might be stupid in trusting it but this ain’t life or death baby so I will.

    Yet still, here’s another one of those metaphors you like so much: you’re like a child who thinks he sees the outline in some pebbles and then immediately rushes to rearrange them all to fit it so that he never questions that it could have been anything else. Then he’ll protect it and never budge from it because he’d have to give in and that to him is impossible. A pointillistic sham.

    I at least realize the tenderness in you despite the filth and fit that into my picture of you.

    You don’t see squat. If you only knew.

    Keep the pity- it looks like a joke on you as compassion does on me.

    And since you are so adamant in making this a wolf thing, you undpredictalble man-above-all-men you!Spartacus!…....... then lets: I don’t even know him. He’s never opened himself to me. For now, all I do is react and have yet to see if he is what you say he is. You and I both know exactly who it is that he’s opened up to, if he has.

    Fought a fat black girl in high school- beat the shit out of me.
    Like, grrrl pwrrrr.

    Words don’t matter, sweety. Of course there’s nothing I can do to you. All you are is text to me. But this sickness you speak of - family and alienation teach it to you. Not books and isms…duh. You’re far more experienced than I am and walked the road longer,that’s the part of you I like-I’ve covered this- but to think how delicious it’d be knowing how quiet you’d be IF you only knew.

    Ha.

    Add these to those 10 words I spoke about, throw in some slim Jim, Hellenize it, and THEN realize how stupid you look now.


    Lastly- it was your actions with Bob and some other rendezvous I quietly watched you in some other threads that put out your flame to me………..not my seeing anything of me in Bob. Don’t even bother posting a response to this since you’ve just been demoted. You know nothing of my history and that is your downfall. I respect "stallions" with everything in me, not ride them to, and I quote, 'feel the wind in my hair'.

    You even gave me a new idea for thread when I’m up for it- power and what becomes of it.
     
  16. WANDERER Banned Banned

    Messages:
    704
    gendanken
    I don’t know. Since there’s nobody telling me in my ear if there is or not then I guess I have to figure it out on my own.
    Don’t tell me he didn’t badmouth me to you, that’ll insult my intelligence.
    This man-wolf is brimming with jealousy. Do you see it?

    Little girl I was testing how far the ‘relationship’ had progressed, that’s all.
    When one is reliant on the written word to deduce secrets, one must use indirect methods of acquiring information.
    I had to see on what page you were with….’him’.

    I thought I had showered this morning.
    Can you smell yourself dear?

    Darkstabbing?

    ...and to you.

    Perhaps. Everyone behaves differently in private than in public.
    There are too many variables to consider in public, too many angles to cover.
    But you would never be the first to make such a gesture. Too much power lost in that simple action.
    You need to be pursued and men should bow to you before you let them enter the citadel.
    I always let women make the first move though; as it should be.
    Men sell, women buy.
    I never was a pushy salesman harassing the customers with my “Can I help you” mannerisms. I prefer to let the customer come up to me and ask to see my wares.

    Believe it or not this online world, in our modern world, is a substitute for bar rooms and sidewalk cafes.
    More and more people meet and enter relationships, these days, through cyberspace.
    Fantasy becomes reality quickly when distances are irrelevant and boundaries non-existent.

    Who was it that said that sanity was overrated?

    Well at least you didn’t describe me as a fly, ‘cause that’s 15of19’s job.

    There’s also that nasty erection you gave me earlier on. Now that’s a problem.

    Come, come now no need to deny it so vehemently.
    It was merely wishful thinking, on my part, is all.
    See how I offer ammunition to my secret enemies and set them up for an attack?
    Now wait, they’ll bite, me thinks. Or have I bloodied their noses too often and they fear me now, even when I feign weakness?

    But you don’t really know me so it doesn’t count.
    You only see what I show you.
    Have you earned my trust?
    Not yet. So chew on your contempt for me. I give it to you

    You fail to realize that if I wanted to I could have played it differently and you would be drooling over my every word by now.
    I was ignorant of that failed ‘opportunity’ but you are ignorant of my indifference to it.
    If I wanted to play the bohemian, as the glutton did, to get you hooked, I would have.
    But I, unlike him, would have been genuine.
    If you’ve read my stuff then you know this is true. Nobody could fake so much for so long.

    Are you asking me to dance?
    I believe android has first dibs if he could keep his hands off my ass.

    No I’m a child that builds pictures just by looking at outlines and sees how close he got to the truth by sheer speculation.
    It’s a challenge in ‘profiling’ dear.
    I enjoy reading people with as little information as possible and then testing how close I got to the actual thing. Did I not tell you I people watch?
    It’s a mental exercise.
    Like Sherlock Holmes, elementary my dear Watson, elementary.

    I see plenty little one, I just choose to focus on some things and to disregard others for my own purposes.
    My “tenderness” is reserved for those I trust and respect and love.
    In here I play, I explore, I test, I laugh and I vent.
    This is not the entire me, only a part of it.

    No I don’t think you fully know the entire picture here. But that is not for me to expose.
    Like I said I was testing how far the ‘relationship’ had gone.
    I fire wide and then watch the dodge and evaluate trajectories to fire again.
    You’ve never been in the military nor served in the artillery, so you wouldn’t understand.
    I have no front-line spotter so I’m relying on long-distance observations but the strategy is the same.

    But, this man would spend years flirting and never get to the point.
    How long was he ‘talking’ to you? Did you get a whiff of his attraction, did he ever proposition you, did he ever directly seduce?
    I suspect he spent days circling, testing, evaluating, fearing.
    I’m a to-the-point man.
    I’ll tell you exactly what I want. I’m unambiguous in my real life, don’t let my online persona fool you. Here I must protect myself from prying eyes.
    I wonder if spookz is still watching from the bleachers or if his ‘informants’ are filling him in on the proceedings. Ah, fly-master, how I miss thee.

    If only YOU knew how quiet I can be, how perfectly serene.
    You’ve only seen a piece of me, my anger, my wrath, my vengeance, my abstract mind.
    Did you admire the creations of my mind; did you perceive the beauty of my spirit through the words it used to paint my views? Did you lust for it?
    There are things I’ve kept hidden still. A fountain of ideas, I am seething with self-expression.
    And my …body? Ahhh my body.
    How you’d enjoy that as well.
    Can you imagine?
    Ha!!

    Ouch!!!

    I was playing little girl playing and rubbing faces in the mud to vindicate my past.
    Did you want me to play the bohemian like all your men do; play at that pretentious sidewalk café posturing, with the ice-tea and the upturned nose, that pretends to look more sophisticated than it really is?
    Did you want me to quote from Voltaire, discuss art as if I knew what I was talking about and offer critiques on literature forever?
    I’m multifaceted, little girl. Vulgar and eloquent all at once.
    I can walk with kings and roll in the dirt with peasants.
    This forum is full of peasants, so I decided to enjoy their world for a while.
    Did you want me to play my part and disappoint you later, like all your men do?
    I’m up-front little girl, I'm in your face. I am what I am.
    I’m either liked or disliked, there are no half measures with me. It’s all or nothing.
    I would rather be hated for what I am than loved for what I am not.

    I choose what to respond to and what not to respond to. Not you.

    But I hope you learn to run on the grasslands with your stallion by your side. I hope he can keep up to you.
    You can’t “demote” me little girl. You have no power over me.
    I’ve made sure of that.

    Good, to inspire was one of my motivations for coming here.
    But you start threads so rarely,why? Afraid of exposure?
    I never was afraid oif that. Did you see how often I took off my clothes in here and dared the morons to find fault with my beauty, did you see how they envied me and attacked me?
    Where were you then?

    If your new thread is good I might interject in yours as you have in mine.

    Fenris Wolf
    Yes, your legacy will be better appreciated after you are gone.
    Thank you for your many gifts.
    But where are they, you’ve started nothing; you’ve posted nothing. You only attack or cry or bitch or beg.

    You should have made a move sooner my wolf friend.
    She’s easily disappointed and her standards can only be met in her imagination.
    You have to inspire her imagination, wolfy. But you could never do that, you could only cry on her shoulder and hope for compassion sex.
    It is unfortunate that even if you could spark her imagination that it could not be maintained for long. Reality rarely meets fantasy eye-to-eye.
    But is it not that which you feared the most, that you would not live up to her expectations and you could never hold her attentions for very long?
    That’s why you’re a glutton. You choose to consume and throw away before it throws you away.
    Now go back to your bottle, your weed, or whatever it is you medicate yourself with, your TV, movie, video ‘reality’ and cry in solitude.
    Remember it was your knee-jerk reaction, based on simple instinct that got you where you are now. But you have so little control over instinct.
    Next time you choose to attack someone to prove your masculinity, you should make sure you aren’t going to get your ass kicked and prove your femininity.
    Good luck in your future pussy hunting.

    _an.droid_
    I accept you just as you would like to present yourself to me.
    If it is as an opponent [I hope so] then I will fight you.
    If it is as a friend [how boring] then I will offer what compassion and understanding I can.
    I only present my idea on nobility and life and I expose myself with every word openly and with courage. It is up to others to do likewise for themselves if they wish to.
    But you are weirdly interesting, I must say.
     
  17. Mrs.Lucysnow Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    9,879
    Quote: Believe it or not this online world, in our modern world, is a substitute for bar rooms and sidewalk cafes.

    I should hope not! Poor substitute indeed! this is the last place I would ever consider finding a love interest...all I notice people doing on this forum is clubbing each other to death. This is the first time since being a member that I have ever 'witnessed' a sexual hunt between members.

    Quote:Men sell, women buy

    But that sounds so 'pimpish'. Do you mean to say that you never approach a women you have an interest in meeting or pursuing? Most women don't make the first move.
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2004
  18. Xev Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    10,943
    Lucysnow:
    This is courtship for arrogant masochists, don't you see? Physical consummation would be hindered by distance, but since this is all a complete demented fantasy, physicality is the last of one's concerns.

    Sartre says:
    “Obviously, we do not claim that all attitudes toward the Other are reducible to those sexual attitudes we have just described. If we have dealt with them at considerable length, it is for two reasons: first because they are fundamental, and second because all of man's complex patterns of conduct toward one another are only enrichments of these two origional attitudes (and of a third – hate – which we are going to describe”

    Their words feed the wind, but the tone is all unmistakable, veiled as it may be in allusion and wordplay. I have hardly any clue what's going on "behind the scenes" - it's fascinating and incredibly frustrating then.

    gendanken sez:
    "if I reached out to you and found you not just worthy…...but something as simple as likeable. All it would take is a pm to begin it."
    W replies:
    "You need to be pursued and men should bow to you before you let them enter the citadel.
    I always let women make the first move though; as it should be."
    Fenris howls about harems and revalation of confidances and so on, and none of the three see how obvious their motives are - or how utterly baffling the situation is to an outsider. You have everything - passion, betrayel, inane sexualized power struggles about who is going to message first - and I'm pregnent, John, and it's not yours, it's Nietzsche's and I love him.

    Christ this is better than tv.
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2004
  19. Mrs.Lucysnow Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    9,879
    *Xev*

    Quote

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

    hysical consummation would be hindered by distance, but since this is all a complete demented fantasy, physicality is the last of one's concerns.

    Okay but if its all simply a mind-play leading nowhere then why bother? I mean I could see a text triste going on for a little while, just for 'kicks' you know, but there is earnest in them...or at least there seems to be.
     
  20. Xev Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    10,943
    What're they gonna do, watch tv?
    I'm depressed today, I do nothing but write - well eventually I go out - I've been watching. And it's fascinating - I should know what's going on, but I'm in the dark.
     
  21. Mrs.Lucysnow Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    9,879
    *Xev*

    ...we should send one of them a plane ticket so they can meet face-to-face, exchange slaps before falling blissfully in love. All this banter when the both of them are clearly attracted/repelled/attracted.

    (Smiles) Come on Gendy, Wanderer isn't getting any younger ya know!

    Ah she's a fine woman Wanderer!
     
  22. Xev Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    10,943
    Lucysnow:
    That's the spirit! The problem is, they'd spend so long fighting over who goes to who that they'd be too old to do anything once they'd met. I have never seen two people any more obviously displaying the fact that they're hiding their attraction.
     
  23. Mrs.Lucysnow Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    9,879
    *Xev*

    Quote:What're they gonna do, watch tv?

    Come now! Wanderer does not strike me as the couch potato type. I could just imagine all the suggestive glances, subtle body gestures, the intimacy exchanged. No shouting, no warring. Then somewhere down the line...lovemaking.


    Quote: I'm depressed today, I do nothing but write - well eventually I go out - I've been watching. And it's fascinating - I should know what's going on, but I'm in the dark.

    I am also in the dark, too many players, sentiments and players...it may be Wanderer's chess board but its definitely Gendy's move. Fenris leaves too much out to know whether he is in check or still in pursuit of the Queen. Why are you depressed? Pm me if you don't want to post it. I can't say I have had a great week either, actually the last two weeks have left me in a sour mood, and I haven't written a lick! Been painting my room Lattice Red. I have also been watching the chess game during my breaks. Good game actually, but tis a pity it may just end in stalemate.

    What have you been writing? I really hope you keep working at that, for you its just a matter of time and patience, you definitely have time (to improve) but do you have the patience?
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2004

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