Marching orders

Discussion in 'About the Members' started by chimpkin, Jul 22, 2011.

  1. wynn ˙ Valued Senior Member

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    This is understandable.


    But I know from personal experience that things can change, especially if one associates with various people.
    It can take a while, years, and it can be very confusing at first, as there seem to be two poles to one's self that keep fighting. One that agrees with "them" and one that seems to be "the real you", but often enough, it's not clear which is which, and one seems to transform into the other right in front of your eyes.
     
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  3. chimpkin C'mon, get happy! Registered Senior Member

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    I was better, but being sick and dependent for nine years...has not been good for me...I put great stock on being independent and I haven't been.

    I do what I can-I am( I think ) rational today and can say that.
     
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  5. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

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    Sometimes we are givers and at other times we take. You should realize that as life goes on there's a balance between the two but somtimes you can't see that.

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  7. kx000 Valued Senior Member

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    Don't ever try and change yourself, just get better. Id fuck the world before I allow my self to hate me.
     
  8. NMSquirrel OCD ADHD THC IMO UR12 Valued Senior Member

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    the real you is that which is a compilation of your states of being..(MEPS)

    IOW, within our own psyche, two opposing beliefs can exist, with both arguments being true..its not about either one or the other, its the struggle between the two that gains us both wisdom and knowledge.(which makes us who we are)
     
  9. wynn ˙ Valued Senior Member

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    There is independent.
    And then there is aloof, distant, (pathologically) detached.
    These latter can sometimes seem like independence and be pursued as such, but are not actually independence.


    I don't think dependence is such a bad thing - as long as one is aware of it, recognizes it, acknowledges it, expresses gratitude for and to one's benefactors.

    There are so many things that we cannot produce on our own, so many ways in which we have to rely on others.
    Everyone is in this similar situation.
    Even Barack Obama does not and cannot produce the air that he needs to breathe.

    One depends on others, and others depend on one. It's the way things are in this Universe. It's not necessarily a bad arrangement.
     
  10. wynn ˙ Valued Senior Member

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    This is just one theory about selfhood/identity.
     
  11. NMSquirrel OCD ADHD THC IMO UR12 Valued Senior Member

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    are you looking for a definitive answer?
     
  12. wynn ˙ Valued Senior Member

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    I am deflecting your theory, so that it won't unnecessarily confuse people.
     
  13. NMSquirrel OCD ADHD THC IMO UR12 Valued Senior Member

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    ???
     
  14. chimpkin C'mon, get happy! Registered Senior Member

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    Might take a while; might want to get started on it...

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  15. chimpkin C'mon, get happy! Registered Senior Member

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    The "real me" is the one that hates myself. The liking of myself is a later overlay...I clearly remember disliking myself in 4th grade, seriously hating myself in 5th grade, pathetically trying to strangle myself in the school bathroom in sixth grade.
    Partly out of fear of getting hit, but I just wanted to die anyway.

    The one thing I deem ok to talk about on an open forum is the guy who tried to force me into his apartment at gunpoint when I was four. Not believed when I finally stopped being terrified enough to tell my mom.
     
  16. Varda The Bug Lady Valued Senior Member

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    Yeahhh fuck the world and flick it some cab money.
     
  17. NMSquirrel OCD ADHD THC IMO UR12 Valued Senior Member

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    same here when i reported to my Mom a neighborhood molester who tried to get freaky on me, when i was seven..she didn't believe me..grrr..
     
  18. wynn ˙ Valued Senior Member

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    Evidence, please.
    We want evidence that the "real you" is the one who hates you.



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  19. Stoniphi obscurely fossiliferous Valued Senior Member

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    Since my mom was the perpetrator, I cannot relate, sorry.

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    She didn't have a gun though...but then, she didn't need it as I was so small then, and entirely dependent on her.

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    I would call that your perspective, rather. While it functions as your personal truth it is not necessarily the absolute truth - especially as others may see it.
     
  20. NMSquirrel OCD ADHD THC IMO UR12 Valued Senior Member

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    i am not who you think i am,i am not who i think i am,who am i?
     
  21. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

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    But to YOU it is the absolute truth or you wouldn't have believed it to begin with.
     
  22. chimpkin C'mon, get happy! Registered Senior Member

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    Oh jeez. That must have been very rotten. I'm very sorry.

    Yeah, I mentioned I've been raped...what I didn't say is it was all under 9 years of age, and one of my abusers was able to keep doing it for a couple of years...
    I was left alone with him though I was clearly terrified to be...
    There is nothing worse to know the monster has you and you can scream as loud as you like...in fact your throat is raw with just having done so...and it will do nothing other than enrage the monster.
    If I could distill that horror onto paper I could be the next Stephen King...
    This is why I went insane between 6-8, and why I'm going slightly insane now...the other two rapists were frightening and very painful, but they were also one-offs.

    Other people seem to see me as good and worthwhile. I need to try to accept that perspective.
    I still have problems believing it was not my fault, as that's really how I felt about it
     
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2011
  23. wynn ˙ Valued Senior Member

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    We'd still like to see the evidence that the "real you" is the one who hates you.
     

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