Love

Discussion in 'General Philosophy' started by timojin, Dec 20, 2015.

  1. timojin Valued Senior Member

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    Why we want that some love us ? Why do we want to love someone ?
     
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  3. Jeeves Valued Senior Member

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    Because about 200 million years of evolution built it into us.
    Mammals and birds give birth to unfinished, helpless young that need a lot of care to survive. The parents must be motivated to co-operate in the effort, and the young continually demand parental attention. The drive to demand that attention and respond to the demand gradually acquired a lot of bells and whistles - refinements and iterations.
     
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  5. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

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  7. timojin Valued Senior Member

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    Were did you got that, it is very nice from the old Ann Landers. But why would a person want to sacrifice her or his inconfort for the other person, what triggers it . Is it inborn or os it learned ?
     
  8. timojin Valued Senior Member

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    Are you saying by now it is in our genes , all that need for caring is programmed before we were mammals.
     
  9. Jeeves Valued Senior Member

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    It's been in our genes for far longer than we could have been recognized as potential monkeys. Possibly before were mammals, but certainly ever since.
    The requirements of survival were there long before we knew how to think about it.
     
  10. timojin Valued Senior Member

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    Tell me what does the stupid cell knows about survival, The cell cares about eat and sheet .
     
  11. Jeeves Valued Senior Member

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    Well, that plus procreation. Eat, shit, make more cells: that's what survival is.

    Actually, cells 'know' - by which I mean, can perform functions and respond to stimuli - quite a lot more than that, and unicellular organisms know more about survival than cells in a complex organism that contains specialized populations of cells (organs), just as hunter-gatherers know more about survival than do factory workers.
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2015
  12. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

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    I believe it is a combination of both. We have instinctive behaviors that we are born with so those are part of what makes us think the way we do. Most is that were learn through living our lives through time and who we listen to and what we want to learn about.
     
  13. Jeeves Valued Senior Member

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    And a lot of it depends on early childhood experience. The more loving attention a baby receives, the more communicative, responsive, affectionate and empathic that person is likely to become.
    If you have to choose between disciplining a child and indulging it, err on the soft side. (But, of course, you don't have to choose. Almost all children respond better to reward than punishment.)
     
  14. timojin Valued Senior Member

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    "Almost all children respond better to reward than punishment."That will depend on what generation you have been born . The present generation. The more you give the more they demand . You love them and you give . If reward is what you mean by give. Parent love their children the constantly give . Reward means you earn . That makes the child feel he have earned , I am not sure that means love to the child . On the childs mind he can think .I can earn any place any body will love me if I do what they want .
     
  15. Jeeves Valued Senior Member

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    No, it doesn't. Nor does class, race, nationality or even species.
    On what do you base this statement? How many generations have you raised - or witnessed growing up?
    What do you give? If you replace attention with gadgets, they don`t know what they are missing, but they still crave something. If you replace affection with candy, then, no matter how much candy you give, they still crave something, only they don`t know what. All parents give to their children - indeed, that is a parent`s primary function. If you choose to give the wrong things, it`s your fault if the child is unsatisfied.
    No, that was about instruction. Teaching. If you want anyone, no matter what age, to learn a new skill or change their behaviour, you'll get much better results by praising them when they get it right than berating them when they get it wrong.
    It's difficult to keep in mind all the things you're not supposed to do, especially if you're nervous and afraid, and very difficult refrain from repeating the incorrect action or the right actions in the wrong order. It's much easier to repeat and recall any single action that your teacher approves.
    A baby comes into the world with needs and instincts and potential - but he doesn't know anything. No baby is born knowing how to behave. When he does something that pleases the parents, they should reinforce that behaviour. When he does something of which they disapprove, they should show him the correct behaviour.
    No baby is born wanting anything except what every animal needs: food, shelter, safety, physical and emotional contact, instruction in the skills of survival. Parents owe a child those basics, just for bringing him into the world. Beyond the basics, what they give is their own choice - not the child's. If they teach him to expect candy, or toys, or gadgets, that's not the child's doing.

    Nobody should have to earn love.

    Love is not a transaction, to be measured out according to some obligatory rationing system. We feel it or we don't; we express it or we don't.
    Earning things comes later, when the child is old enough to understand when he's entering into a contract, and what that contract entails: what he owes, what is owed to him in return.
    No, being paid for an effort does not mean love to a child or to anybody . It's necessary, but it's quite a separate matter.
    In fact, from my generation, there are still people who don't know whether their fathers ever loved them, because men of my parents' generation were supposed to be exacting, cool, deliberate and stern; to make the child earn every smile and kind word. Most of our relationships with our fathers were like contractual obligations. It made a lot of unhappy boys. (Fathers were allowed to show affection to their daughters and mothers to their sons, which caused a good deal of jealousy in families.
    Think about that for a while. How would you feel if the only reason anyone loved you was obedience. A lot of desperately unhappy slaves that would make.
     
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2015
  16. timojin Valued Senior Member

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    Your first paragraph. "No". I have lived un more then the USA , I have American children ( spoiled ) I am born in east Europa lived in west Europa, lived in South America, I have been married 4 times . with Americans and Asians .
    My bases is not your Dr. Spack . I have interacted with humans not in ideal conditions.

    To me love means . A love giver. provides security , patience, tolerance, satisfy the needs. I do anything for my child
    love to a receiver, give me warmth , make me happy, provide me with everything . If you operate on reward bases , this will not make the child happy

    I can tell you more , but let start here
     
  17. Jeeves Valued Senior Member

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    I'm not sure we are using words in quite the same way.
    First - Separate love from teaching: they are two different things.
    I have no Dr. Spack.
     
  18. river Valued Senior Member

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    Because of the depth of friendship.
     
  19. timojin Valued Senior Member

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    So what is the effect of love for you.? Tell me how can I love someone who I don't know nor I have seen nor I am related to him or her ?
     
  20. Jeeves Valued Senior Member

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    That's too general a question. Which love? When? What do you mean by 'effect'?
    You can't.
    The only unknown other whom people usually love are their unborn babies - except that's not exactly love; it's hope, pride, sentiment, narcissism, awe, joy: it's a potential that they think is love - but it's close enough to make them act as if they loved an actual person.
    People usually have strong ties to their blood kin, which is a complicated relationship, different in each culture, each family; different between each pair of related persons - brother-sister, grandmother-grandson, father-daughter, etc. - in which love may be a component, may be a significant component, but isn't always present.
    People often develop love for companions who become close friends, after knowing them well and sharing experiences and thoughts with them. Sometimes, also, people come to love a leader or mentor whom they started out only admiring.
    People grow to love boyfriends and girlfriends in whom their initial interest was sexual and/or romantic. The best marriages I know of are between people who were first drawn together by mutual attraction that grew into romance, then friendship. The best family relationships are between parents and adult children who became friends over time.
     
  21. timojin Valued Senior Member

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    The effect of love, is charity, patience, tolerance to the other being. The other being might reciprocate or might take advantage.
    I agree with you , You can show love to a person closer to your appearance or character , then to who is not .
     
  22. origin Trump is the best argument against a democracy. Valued Senior Member

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    4 times? I see why you are trying to figure out what love is.
     
  23. timojin Valued Senior Member

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    Yes between women, sons, and dogs, The sons depend in the age bracket >.
     

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