Living Like a Cheap Bastard: A Field Guide!

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by weed_eater_guy, May 14, 2010.

  1. weed_eater_guy It ain't broke, don't fix it! Registered Senior Member

    Hey yall,

    I'm perhaps a few months away from loosing a job, and with the economy as it is I'm sure everyone is going through issues like this or much worse. To lighten things up, we're going to all throw ideas into this thread about how to live the happy, happy life of a cheap bastard, and hence form a comprehensive field guide.

    Oh, and get ridiculous. Or serious. Or both, I don't care. No idea is too crazy, and if it is, it's awesome! I'll start...

    1.) Sell an organ. Also a great weight-loss trick.
    2.) "Borrow" from the offering plate at a church, after all, you're a charity! (please don't hurt me, fundies, I'm just kidding)
    3.) Stray cats = protein source
    4.) Ramen. Ramenramenramen. You can find enough loose change in any grocery store parking lot to buy at least one pack, guaranteed.
    5.) Stray dogs = trainable hunters of protein sources
    6.) Your apartment feels like it needs some space? Tear down a wall, use the stubs to fuel a bonfire. Hide missing wall with blanket when moving out, landlord won't know the difference (probably).

    Your turn...
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  3. deicider got omnicidead Registered Senior Member

    thats not cheap,thats creative,people in Microsoft need people like you.
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  5. clusteringflux Version 1. OH! Valued Senior Member

    Like the great Dave Ramsey says: "You can eat beans and rice . And when you get tired of it try rice and beans".
    It's cheapest if you go with the fifty pound sacks like I do.
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  7. darksidZz Valued Senior Member

    I'm unemployed, scared, uneducated, and my family is quickly tiring of me. I'm hopeful I'll find a job amoung those I applied at today, a few are hiring. But in 3 months my finances are gone. Then what? idk....
  8. weed_eater_guy It ain't broke, don't fix it! Registered Senior Member

    Have you look at temp or contract positions? Not glamorous but it makes some dough.

    Bummer, I tried to go for humor but it got dark right quick, sry bout that. :-(
  9. domesticated om Stickler for details Valued Senior Member

    7.) wear a skimpy outfit and start trawling the streets for Johns. Either that, or you can come work for me (you can be one of "my bitches" ).
  10. spidergoat Liddle' Dick Tater Valued Senior Member

    1. Never skimp on food, it fuels your entire being, it's the engine of your future prosperity.
    2. Don't get cable TV.
  11. Kennyc Registered Senior Member

  12. siledre Registered Senior Member

    store free samples

    professional offices sometimes have candy on the counter

    I've always found coins under vending machines

    if you can get into the front lobby of a theater and can find an empty popcorn container, free refill, maybe soda sometimes too.

    always look for change on the ground

    nesting birds and eggs

    sometimes people leave an item in their cart at the store in the parking lot and leave, free stuff
  13. deicider got omnicidead Registered Senior Member

    You're still jobless :/
    Have you tried on making money online?
  14. jmpet Valued Senior Member

    Can you carry 30 lb. boxes? Can you arrange fruits to come to a triangle? Then you have all the skills you will need to be a produce clerk in the store you shop in. Ain't glamorous but it makes the ends meet. Welcome to "the rest of us".
  15. nirakar ( i ^ i ) Registered Senior Member

    If nobody will hire there are still options. Some people are up at 5 AM pushing stolen shopping carts around which they fill up with recyclable bottles that they fish out of trash cans. Other people stand in front of stores begging which might be so hard on the ego that it could drive a delicate person to suicide. I don't like that the USA is coming to this but if that is going to be reality people need to adjust to it.

    In India the rag and plastic pickers survive by picking rags and plastic out of the garbage. The USA will probably get better for a few years but then things will get worse. We are on a path to become like India eventually.

    In a rural area I guess people can grow something to sell or cut fire wood.
  16. Spud Emperor solanaceous common tater Registered Senior Member

    Despite recently having become a filthy rich bastard, I have done my dues as a cheapskate, a skinflint, a curmudgeon, a, a, a, shit I've run out of adjectives (always hard up). Anyway, when times were tough I'd often collect the local wildlife, drug the wee creatures senseless then flog them on ebay to rich eccentric Seppoes. I got through the winter of '93 on the skin of half a dozen koalas and Fraggle Rocker paid me a cool twenny bucks for a Mallee ringneck parrot.

    You can always shine shoes or set up an organ doner kebab caravan.
  17. Captain Kremmen All aboard, me Hearties! Valued Senior Member

    No matter how poor you are, you should always have one expensive item of clothing in your wardrobe.
    Mine is a coat made out of Wombat skins that I bought on ebay from Brad in Tantawangalo.

    Wow Spud.
    Were you once a curmudgeon?
    I can't believe it.
  18. soullust Registered Senior Member

    Eat wild plants, you would be surprised how good some of them are for you.

    Oh but b4 this works you need to have a million or two in your pocket
  19. Pinwheel Banned Banned

  20. Ahem embrace simplicity Registered Senior Member

    My sister told me that she has done this: take cigarette butts out of ashtrays in front of stores, offices, wherever they are, remove the tobacco that's left, put it in a tin to roll and smoke.

    Is that the worst? I think it may be.
  21. weed_eater_guy It ain't broke, don't fix it! Registered Senior Member

    Hey Ahem, you reminded me of a song of a hobo who used to hop trains and one of the lines was how he'd pull the half-smoked cigs out of trash bins and finish the little bit of them left. Old song, can't remember the notes or the rest of the words... just that one bit.

    There are jobs to be had, darksidZz, just keep on the hunt. Consider temp work, I'm serious, in an economy where nobody wants to hire a bunch of full-timers, they may instead bring in temps to do the same work. It's less long-term financial obligation for them. At least that's my theory, call me crazy, I dunno.

    -- Public Libraries = free computer use, free internet, cheap resume printing
    -- If you've got a laptop with wifi, coffee shops with wifi are calm, out-of-the-house places for job hunting, just don't pay for the wifi (like whatever the hell Starbucks charges for monthly wifi...), find a place with free wifi and buy a small cup of joe. I love doing this, you get your calm place and coffee to power through an hour or so of job hunting.
    -- Sell stuff. The more of whatever you have, the more you pay to maintain it, power it, store it, protect it, etc. It hurts to get rid of belongings, but selling a motorcycle or a large TV or whatever makes immediate cash and takes financial burden off in the long run. craigslist rules if you've never used it
    -- Give stuff. Same as above, but more to do with the crapload of old clothes and non-sellable stuff. Give some of it to a thrift store, so if you need to move to another job, that's one less mountain of stuff you have to drag around (if you're moving with just a car like I am, it's a huge savings of space and fuel). Plus you help folks out who are in worse shape by facilitating the sale of cheap, decent-condition clothes and such.

    But in all seriousness...

    -- Invest in gas-mask, firearms, baked beans and underground bunker futures
    -- Spike your car's front bumper. Next time you hit a deer, you won't simply run over it, you'll take it home with you, without even so much as hitting the brakes!
    -- Rent the Australian documentary series "Mad Max" and take diligent notes, it has much to teach us of the coming turmoil.
    -- Spike your truck's front bumper. Elk have more meat.
  22. NightFall Lazy Hedonist Valued Senior Member

    if you frequent a local (well obviously, but you get the idea) sammich shop or cafe, get to know the people behind the counter. if they know you are hard for cash, and a decent person, come closing time some of the marked out food from the day will probably come your way.

    help everyone you see. they might have more for you to do.

    look into new building projects in your area. new businesses need new employees. its easier to get contact info for the big guys since they are not in the hiring process yet and move up to the first of the list.

    its summer, so other get-by jobs are available. if you live in a fairly populated area you can find shiny wholesale crap online and sell it at fairs or do kiddie facepainting. costs relatively nothing, and kids don't require much talent. signflipper spots open up too.

    if you have a decent vehicle you can pimp yourself out as a craigslist taxi driver.

    also, business cards are cheap to print. anything you are decent at (or can pretend to be) window cleaning, yard cleanup, stuff businesses want done and don't care much about as long as it gets done, you can make cards for and hand out. might not get much interest right away but you never know.

    and if we are avoiding morals... invest a couple of bucks at your local SAMs club into a fundraiser case of candybars, and double your money, create your own cause of course. a guy in my old neighborhood used to do this. we knew what he was up to, but hey we got candy delivered to our door once a month or so, and he worked hard to push it, so we didn't mind. rather see him selling candy to kids than drugs.

    in a few months summer will be ending and kids will be hauling off to college. unless you live in a college town a lot of jobs do open up at the entry level so just keep pushin. best of luck.
  23. Ganymede Valued Senior Member

    Wow, this is the first time I've seen Microsoft and creative used in the same sentence. :bugeye:

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