Limericks: Preferably humorous

Discussion in 'Art & Culture' started by Dinosaur, Jul 3, 2014.

  1. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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  3. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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  7. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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  8. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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  9. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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  10. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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    Isaac Asimov's Ridiculous Limericks

    The Huffington Post | By Maddie Crum Posted: 07/17/2014 7:45 am EDT

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    Isaac Asimov made eerily accurate predictions for how the world would be in 2014 -- he anticipated, for example, our ability to "see as well as hear the person you telephone." More impressively, he asserted that, “Robots will neither be common nor very good in 2014, but they will be in existence."

    If this, coupled with his imaginative and beautifully-crafted Foundation series, weren't enough proof of his genius, here's more: In addition to his immense body of scientific work, fictional and non-, he's written books upon books of... dirty limericks.

    Yep, the same man who sagely stated, "The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom" also sat down to craft the following poem, published in 1975 in the volume Lecherous Limericks:

    There was a sweet girl of Decatur
    Who went to sea on a freighter.
    She was screwed by the master
    -An utter disaster-
    But the crew all made up for it later.


    Asimov has stated that this was the first limerick he ever composed. In the introduction to the book, he dissects what makes a successful limerick, writing, "The humor should be vulgar and should deal with actions and words concerning which society pretends nonexistence -- reproduction, excretion, and so on. This is not an absolute requirement, and you can, indeed, have "clean" limericks... Clean limericks, however, lack flavor, like vanilla ice cream or pound cake." The "vulgar" or dirty limerick, on the other hand, "has its value because to the humor of rhyme and the challenge of metrical rigidity it adds the relief of release."

    He went on to publish More Lecherous Limericks, Still More Lecherous Limericks, Asimov's Sherlockian Limericks, Limericks: Too Gross; or Two Dozen Dirty Stanzas, A Grossery of Limericks, Isaac Asimov's Limericks for Children and Asimov Laughs Again: More Than 700 Favorite Jokes, Limericks, and Anecdotes. So, the dude liked limericks. In fact, he invented the word "limericist" to describe himself. Here are a few, which he has described as vulgar, but not gratuitously so:

    An Olympian lecher was Zeus,
    Always playing around fast and loose
    With one hand in the bodice,
    Of some likely young goddess,
    And the other preparing to goose.


    A young teacher from far-off Bombay,
    Turned down a request for a lay
    Nicely couched in a note,
    Since the fellow who wrote
    Had spelled "intercoarse" with an "a."


    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/17/asimov-limericks_n_5523627.html
     
  11. Captain Kremmen All aboard, me Hearties! Valued Senior Member

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    The was a young man from Nantucket
    Who loved an unusual bucket
    He hugged it at night, and to his delight.............................
     
  12. sculptor Valued Senior Member

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    There was a young woman named Bright,
    Whose speed was much faster than light.
    She set out one day,
    In a relative way,
    And returned on the previous night
     
  13. DaveC426913 Valued Senior Member

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    9,202
    There was a boy who drank some water
    Poor lad, he is no more
    For what he thought was H2O
    Was H2SO4.
     
  14. Beer w/Straw Transcendental Ignorance! Valued Senior Member

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    4,081
    The Grey Squirrel
    Like a small grey
    coffee-pot,
    sits the squirrel.
    He is not

    all he should be,
    kills by dozens
    trees, and eats
    his red-brown cousins.

    The keeper on the
    other hand,
    who shot him, is
    a Christian, and

    loves his enemies,
    which shows
    the squirrel was not
    one of those.

    https://allpoetry.com/The-Grey-Squirrel
     
  15. sideshowbob Sorry, wrong number. Valued Senior Member

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    4,222
    There once was a beer with a straw,
    That people regarded with awe,
    Till the straw was pulled out
    By a man who devout-
    Ly gulped every drink that he saw.
     
  16. DaveC426913 Valued Senior Member

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    Did you just make that up?
     
  17. sideshowbob Sorry, wrong number. Valued Senior Member

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    4,222
    Yup, on the spot. I have a short attention span so five lines is about the length of my creative ability.
     
  18. Michael 345 Looking for Bali in Nov Valued Senior Member

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    There was a nice boy, name of Paul
    Whoes pencil was exceedingly small
    His sweet girlfriend said
    "I will fill with lead"
    "Because I have just the tool"

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  19. Michael 345 Looking for Bali in Nov Valued Senior Member

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    Alas her tool did not work
    Because of a very strange quirk
    His pencil was bent to the left
    And his sweet girlfriends cleft
    Went right, so no furk

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  20. Michael 345 Looking for Bali in Nov Valued Senior Member

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    But true love conquers all
    And both of them stood tall
    The pencil went into a vice
    The cleft was fixed in a trice
    And the honeymoon was a ball

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  21. sideshowbob Sorry, wrong number. Valued Senior Member

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    A fellow named Mike345,
    The second-worst poet alive,
    Wrote a horrible beast
    Of a line but at least
    A limerick has only five.
     
    Dr_Toad and Michael 345 like this.
  22. Michael 345 Looking for Bali in Nov Valued Senior Member

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    6,198
    Slideshowbob got it right
    As I write this at night
    One glorious day
    I had a poem pay-
    out $3,000 in travel and goods when I won a National Geographic competition for why I bought the magazine and my answer was a adaptation of Patterson's Man from Snowy River

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    sideshowbob likes this.
  23. sideshowbob Sorry, wrong number. Valued Senior Member

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    4,222
    To write du-ell-ing lim-er-icks
    Is on of my fav-or-ite tricks.
    I can do it fast.
    I know they won't last.
    It's good that they're five lines, not six.
     
    sculptor likes this.

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