Limericks: Preferably humorous

Discussion in 'Art & Culture' started by Dinosaur, Jul 3, 2014.

  1. Captain Kremmen All aboard, me Hearties! Valued Senior Member

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    And hung like a tail
    from her rear, which was as big as the moon.
     
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2014
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  3. Captain Kremmen All aboard, me Hearties! Valued Senior Member

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    There was a young doctor from Scone
    whose appendage was shaped like a spoon....................
     
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  5. Captain Kremmen All aboard, me Hearties! Valued Senior Member

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    There was a young man from Ebola
    who wasn't a very good scholar...................
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2014
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  7. Captain Kremmen All aboard, me Hearties! Valued Senior Member

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    That last line doesn't quite rhyme.
     
  8. btr Registered Member

    Messages:
    93
    It filled Galileo with mirth
    To watch his two rocks fall to Earth.
    He gladly proclaimed,
    "Their rates are the same,
    And quite independent of girth!"

    Then Newton announced in due course
    His own law of gravity's force:
    "It goes, I declare,
    As the inverted square
    Of the distance from object to source."

    But remarkably, Einstein's equation
    Succeeds to describe gravitation
    As spacetime that's curved,
    And it's this that will serve
    As the planets' unique motivation.

    Yet the end of the story's not written;
    By a new way of thinking we're smitten.
    We twist and we turn,
    Attempting to learn
    The Superstring Theory of Witten!
     
  9. btr Registered Member

    Messages:
    93
    A mosquito was heard to complain,
    'A chemist has poisoned my brain!'
    The cause of his sorrow
    was paradichloro-
    triphenyldichloroethane.
     
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  10. Captain Kremmen All aboard, me Hearties! Valued Senior Member

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    12,738
    There was a young doctor from Scone
    whose appendage was shaped like a spoon.
    For soup with his dinner
    the device was a winner
    but it hurt to eat cornflakes at noon.
     

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    Last edited: Oct 23, 2014
  11. Captain Kremmen All aboard, me Hearties! Valued Senior Member

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    12,738
    There was a young man from Ebola
    who wasn't a very good scholar.
    When he said attishoo
    he straight away knew
    that the cure was boiled Pepsi Cola.
     
  12. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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    15,247
    But everyone listens to Debussy.




     
  13. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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    If only your dads & moms
    Listened to Debussy & Brahms
    I would daresay
    When they hit the hay
    They dream of going to proms.
     
  14. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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    Do limericks have to make sense?
    Does it make you wince
     
  15. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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    Are you on the fence
     
  16. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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  17. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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    Limericks
    November 15, 2014

    Bill reads three news-related limericks: A Sniffer's Holiday; A Stupid Cold; Nacho Cheese Soda.

    PETER SAGAL, HOST:
    Coming up, it's "Lightning Fill In The Blank." But first, it's the game where you have to listen for that rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can always click the contact link on our website, which is waitwait.npr.org. While you're there, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, and our upcoming showing in New Jersey on the 4 of December. And be sure to check out our sister podcast "How To Do Everything." This week, Mike and Ian show you, finally, how to sweat the right way. You've been doing it wrong.
    (LAUGHTER)
    SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT DON'T TELL ME.
    SUSAN WILLIAMS: Hello?
    SAGAL: Hello?
    WILLIAMS: Hello.
    SAGAL: Hello.
    WILLIAMS: Hello.
    SAGAL: Hello.
    (LAUGHTER)
    SAGAL: No, hi. Who's this?
    WILLIAMS: I'm Susan Williams.
    SAGAL: Hey Susan. Where are you calling from?
    WILLIAMS: Shelter Island, New York.
    SAGAL: Shelter Island, New York. I have no idea where that is. Where is that?
    WILLIAMS: Well, Long Island splits into two forks, and we're on the East end of Long Island, between the North and the South fork.
    SAGAL: Oh really? So you're out there. Why do you live in a small island between the two parts of eastern Long Island?
    WILLIAMS: That is a good question. And if you have an answer, I'd like to know.
    SAGAL: No. Well, Susan, welcome to our show. Bill Kurtis is going to perform for you now. He's going to interpret three news related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. You ready to play?
    WILLIAMS: I'm ready.
    SAGAL: Here we go. Here's...
    WILLIAMS: As ready as I'll ever be.
    SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.
    BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: The olfactory guide that we sell, tells how York casts a lingering spell. From the fragrance of grass, to the whiff of burnt gas. Come tour our fine city by...
    WILLIAMS: The dell.
    (LAUGHTERS)
    SAGAL: Well, there are some clues there. The word fragrance was a clue, rhymes with spell.
    WILLIAMS: Hell.
    SAGAL: Hell. It's - smell is the answer.
    WILLIAMS: Oh OK.
    SAGAL: The tourist board in York, a city northern England, knows that our sense of smell is our strongest sense. So they've created the Smell York guide. It's kind of scratch-and-sniff guide to the town's most fragrant sites - the chocolatiers, the gardens and something described quite seriously as the haunting aroma of ghosts.
    WILLIAMS: Oh darn it.
    SAGAL: Which we believe is just the English way of blaming the dog.
    (LAUGHTER)
    SAGAL: All right, you still have two chances. You've had one to practice, doesn't count here. If you get these two, you'll win. Here is your next limerick.
    KURTIS: As I'm trying to make out this sum, my mind's going blissfully numb. Without any pain, a germ saps my brain. A virus is making me...
    WILLIAMS: Dumb.
    SAGAL: Yes, dumb.
    KURTIS: Dumb. She got it.
    (SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
    SAGAL: Researchers say a virus found in green algae is making us all dumber. They've known about the virus for years, but this is true - they assumed it wasn't transmissible to humans. Well, not only is it, 40 out of the 90 people studied in the study had the virus. When asked about this shocking finding, one doctor said huh, did you see that picture of Kim Kardashian's Butt?
    (LAUGHTER)
    SAGAL: All right, here is your last limerick. If you get this you'll win fuel. Here we go.
    KURTIS: R&D should've used some more vetoes. This drink's pesky, like swarms of mosquitoes. I just took a few sips and I taste flavored chips. Mountain Dew has been crossed with...
    WILLIAMS: Could you read it again?
    SAGAL: Yes he can.
    KURTIS: I can. R&D should have used some more vetoes. This drink's pesky, like swarms of mosquitoes. I just took a few sips and I taste flavored chips. Mountain Dew has been crossed with...
    WILLIAMS: Doritos.
    SAGAL: Yes, Doritos.
    KURTIS: Doritos.
    (SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
    KURTIS: Thank you.
    (APPLAUSE)

    http://www.npr.org/2014/11/15/364304918/limericks
     
  18. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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  19. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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  20. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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  21. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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  22. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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