Limericks: Preferably humorous

Discussion in 'Art & Culture' started by Dinosaur, Jul 3, 2014.

  1. sculptor Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    5,436
    there once was a lad from australia
    who painted his ass like a dahlia
    the color was fine, like wise the design
    but the aroma
    now that was a failure
     
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  3. Michael 345 Bali tonight Valued Senior Member

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    Off original post sorry

    We own the moon
    No you don't
    I'll take you there
    No you won't
    Don't you like to fly among stars
    I'd rather pub crawl among the bars
    You have no sense of romance
    And how the Space Force will advance
    The human race and its quest for knowledge
    Which is my reason I went to college

    But perhaps someone can cut it down some way

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  5. Michael 345 Bali tonight Valued Senior Member

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    Little Miss Muffet
    Sat on a tuffet

    Eating her curds
    And lost for words.

    As she watched a spider
    Sit down beside her

    She gave a cough
    "You touch my fucking curds and I'll pull your fucking legs off"

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  7. sideshowbob Sorry, wrong number. Valued Senior Member

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    4,559
    Who is the one who has the deed
    To the moon? And why do we need
    To know? Can we reach the stars?
    We can barely get to Mars
    At any reasonable speed.
     
  8. sideshowbob Sorry, wrong number. Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,559
    About Mad'moiselle Moo-fay
    And her curds-and-whey buffet:
    In fact, the poor arachnid
    Fell down a hill like Jack did,
    And that's the whole truth. Okay?
     
  9. Michael 345 Bali tonight Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    6,514
    I went for a testicle check
    Because of a spec
    The little Thai lady nurse
    Said "It could be worse"
    "It is common to become erect"

    "But I am not erect" I said
    As my face went bright red
    The lady Thai nurse held a ball
    And with a deep drawl
    "I know. It's me wanting head"

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  10. sideshowbob Sorry, wrong number. Valued Senior Member

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    4,559
    A man who was very religious
    Had an appetite that was prodigious.
    He took his communion
    With fork and with spoonion
    And his table manners were fastigious.
     
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  11. sideshowbob Sorry, wrong number. Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,559
    I had this song running through my head and (eventually) I realized...

    "It ain't necessarily so
    It ain't necessarily so
    The things that you're liable
    To read in the Bible
    It ain't necessarily so"
     
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  12. sideshowbob Sorry, wrong number. Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,559
    A family of hungry Bigfeet
    Went out to get something to eat.
    Mama, papa and baby
    Thought pizza and maybe
    A photographer for a treat.
     
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  13. Michael 345 Bali tonight Valued Senior Member

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    A small tribe of Bigfooties
    Wanted to taste some cookies
    The forest had none
    But still it was fun
    When they decided to start having nookies

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  14. sideshowbob Sorry, wrong number. Valued Senior Member

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    4,559
    If they did more of that there would be more sightings.
     
  15. sideshowbob Sorry, wrong number. Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,559
    Bigfoot and a samurai ghost
    Were in conversation engrossed
    Over breakfast one day,
    When Bigfoot did say,
    "I can see Jesus on my toast!"
     
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  16. Michael 345 Bali tonight Valued Senior Member

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    6,514
    From one of the best TV programs QI I saw this mathematic limerick
    ****""""
    Math Limerick

    Question: Why is this a mathematical limerick?

    ( (12 + 144 + 20 + 3 Sqrt[4]) / 7 ) + 5*11 = 92 + 0
    *******"
    I won't put the answer here to give you a chance to work it out

    The text equivalent can be found on this link

    https://www.math.hmc.edu/funfacts/ffiles/10001.8.shtml

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  17. sideshowbob Sorry, wrong number. Valued Senior Member

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    One day I drank a syllabub
    And thought I saw Beelzebub.
    I think it's better to put in
    A little less of rum and gin
    To create less of a hubbub.
     
  18. Michael 345 Bali tonight Valued Senior Member

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    6,514
    One day I ate a syllabus
    It went down to my gut, no fuss
    But the very next day
    I started to pray
    Coming out it felt like a bus

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  19. Michael 345 Bali tonight Valued Senior Member

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    There once was a anosmic theistic
    Who gave speech anapaestic
    But it didn't sit well
    As his nose could not smell
    When the farts he put out were majestic

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  20. exchemist Valued Senior Member

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    7,465
    There was a young man named Green
    Who invented a w**king machine.
    On the ninety-ninth stroke
    the bloody thing broke
    and whipped his balls into cream.
     
  21. Michael 345 Bali tonight Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    6,514
    I would like to write a new limerick
    But worry it might be a gimerick
    Is my talent so bad?
    Oh that would be so sad
    If my gimerick limerick is a stinkerick

    It's 1am
    I'm bored
    Way to early for coffee

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  22. sculptor Valued Senior Member

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    5,436
    On trying to remember if I am really absent minded:

    I nearly forgot “I Forgot Day.”
    How ’bout naming it “Memory Rot Day?”
    Since my brain is a sieve,
    I find each day I live
    A confounding “Forgetting A Lot Day."

    ...............
    or
    My memory’s terribly rotten,
    So I don’t absorb data like cotton.
    My mind’s for the birds
    Cuz I keep losing words:
    hyperamnesiacs, meaning? Forgotten!

    .....................
    or........................................................................................................................?
     
  23. Michael 345 Bali tonight Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    6,514
    There once was a girl called Yvette
    Who spent too much time on the net
    She ran out of data
    To buy a b'day pinata
    And broke out into a sweat

    Not mine
    Sent to me from my WiFi provider
    With a offer to buy extra data for the weekend
    ?????
    1 * for trying? originality?

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