Life, the Universe, and Everything-the Ultimate Free Thoughts Thread

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by Pollux V, Apr 20, 2002.

  1. Pollux V Ra Bless America Registered Senior Member

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    6,495
    Cactus I think you should listen to Lykan here-the world isn't over because Lily isn't interested. If it hurts to be around her and listen to her saying these things then don't hang around her. It's that simple, man, you just have to deal with it. Being so f*cking self destructive is the easy way out, you're not the person you describe yourself to be here in this thread and I am dead serious when I say this.

    I was like you, I really was, awhile ago, maybe a year I have no clue, hating myself, going on about how I was ugly, stupid, general things that every americanized teenager on earth has gone through. It passes just as fast as random crushes on random girls if you can ignore it and forget about it. There's only a solution to being a sick, depressed f*ck if you want there to be. Just phase it out.
     
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  3. Cactus Jack Death Knight of Northrend Registered Senior Member

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    Thanx Guys,

    It gets better with time. If you don't think she'll feel the same way, maybe you should stop seeing her completly?[/I}

    Yeah that's what I've been thinking about, but its so damn hard. Not seeing her for a day makes me miss her. She was my best friend I thought, but now I realize no one really gives a damn about me. Love sucks: Thinking about her when I have nothing else to think about, wondering what he thoughts are when we are hanging out, and burning for physical contact. You know when they say "hunger for your touch?" Its just like that, for me not much sexualy, but I just can't believe shes real. Shes so beautiful it just doesn't seem possible for her to exist.

    And I know a positive attitude is important, I've been trying to get one all my life. But if I just went out with a positive attitude I'd feel I was living a lie. If I went around acting like my two best male friends do, complete confidence, going for what they want, and getting to flirt with women. I'd be a phony, And the girls would see right through it, my body, my lack of anything of interest, you have to have something to back you up.

    The one time I ever had confidence was this summer. Yeah things made permenent changes for the better and I was happier of course. However, to the girls I was still nothing, to the people I believe to be my friends I was still nothing. I look back on that time and am glad for having it, being that way for once in my life, but I realize how ignorant I was. And how ignorant to my feelings I was.

    And I disagree, a person personifying self hatred can love, maybe even better than others. See this person would be more grateful, thankful for someone to love to be in their life. Cause in many cases no one was there.

    Thanx, and sorry to be such a depressing dude.

    ~Jarrod
     
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  5. oedipus I enjoy fecal matter Registered Senior Member

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    I didnt have the same problem as you, not quite. I guess i had a different experience, but maybe the two have a similar solution. I stopped loving because i developed the theory that love, though it does exist as a srt of emotion, is not this all powerful be all see all stuff ro anything like that.

    really im happier just because i dont care for love in the way that we are shown that love is. i dont know if this will work for you, of if you even like the idea, but hey it worked for me after isabella...

    love nelson, i mean rich
     
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  7. Cactus Jack Death Knight of Northrend Registered Senior Member

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    Yeah but I doubt I'm important to her in any way, especially as a friend.
     
  8. Pollux V Ra Bless America Registered Senior Member

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    Then why put up with this chirade if this is what you think? Ask her, and if it doesn't work out then don't be friends with her anymore. You seem to think that she doesn't care about you, so the solution is to ask her and make sure. Make it one final plead for answers, ask everything you've meant to before. There's no turning back from it, and then you'll be finished. No more self-destruction, at least with her involvement.

    Anyway at the moment I have my eyes on three chicks but chances are (and they are very high) that I'm not going to make any attempts. For me dating is still in the preliminary stage.

    Love nelson, I mean rich-no IAN!
     
  9. oedipus I enjoy fecal matter Registered Senior Member

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    dude your important to her as a friend, i know this
    just because she does not think that you are a glisteming stud is not the end of the world, she is your friend, you are her friend, this is what i know
     
  10. Cactus Jack Death Knight of Northrend Registered Senior Member

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    I don't think so, I think I should just forget about being her friend. I can't believe it, because of the way I felt I trusted her more than anyone else and now I think that trist has been misplaced. Damnit, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

    Besides, you have no idea where I'm coming from Rich. You never had to question your importance to her, or your importance to anyone you care for. Hell she almost went out with you. You deffinetley have a life that is oppisite of my disheveled personal hell. You can't ever give me empathy and I doubt you even care about me.

    GOD everything sux.
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2002
  11. Lesion42 Deranged Hermit Registered Senior Member

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    800
    Wow. This is like a soap opera.

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  12. oedipus I enjoy fecal matter Registered Senior Member

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    jarrod i do feel sorry for you and i do care about you, your are my best friend. and i have no idea how you feel of course. but this should discussed in person, and not over the internet, do you want to solve this, or do you want just feel horrible?

    please talk to either myself or (her) and maybe something will turn out right.
     
  13. Cactus Jack Death Knight of Northrend Registered Senior Member

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    816
    I'm talking online because I'm actually able to present my thoughts clearly, some what raitonally. Besides, I actually feel more comfortable not face to face and knowing that all the members of the forums can read this and comment from outside perspectives.

    I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do though. I feel like I'm dying on the inside. I'm extremely depressed, I have pure hatred for myself, I'm tired, and I am missing all this shit for school, plus there just seems to be no one to trust. I trusted her with stuff I never would have told to anyone else, and now I realize I don't matter.

    Plus I'm starting to freak out lately. I've had some kind of "panic attacks" two days now (no I don;t mean the technical yhing, lack of better word, don't crucify me.). Yesterday and today when I walked into school my heart started beating really quickly and feeling funny, I was really short of breath and felt extremely nervous for no reason. It also happened last period today and it was absolutely horrible, I even began to shake a little for no reason.

    I hate this, I'm so frustrated, I don't think they'll be anything left of my personality when summer roles around. Its slowly dying off.
     
  14. Xev Registered Senior Member

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    10,943
    Cactus, drop the girl. She's getting in the way of solving your problems.

    Now, how do you know that she dosen't feel anything? You don't. It's irrational to assume that.

    Work through it.
     
  15. Cactus Jack Death Knight of Northrend Registered Senior Member

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    But is it rational to assume she does?
     
  16. Xev Registered Senior Member

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    Kinda, if others are telling you that she does, and she listens to your problems - it sounds like she does.
     
  17. Cactus Jack Death Knight of Northrend Registered Senior Member

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    I don't know, I just have trouble believing it, and trusting someone so much with the way I currently feel - and other factors.

    But Thanx Xev, you're right. This is why I like having a completely outside opinion. I can believe something that's rational from an outside view.

    Thanx Xev, I owe you one.

    ~Cactus.
     
  18. Xev Registered Senior Member

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    10,943
    "I don't know, I just have trouble believing it, and trusting someone so much with the way I currently feel - and other factors."

    I know. I don't trust people like that either. But somtimes you have to just take the plunge.

    And people betray, that's true. I guess it's just cost/benefit analysis.

    What do you lose if you talk?
    What do you gain?

    "Thanx Xev, I owe you one."

    Anytime. You're cool and I don't want you to feel this way.
     
  19. Lesion42 Deranged Hermit Registered Senior Member

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    800
    Hey Cactus, seems to me like half of the problem is the whole self-hate thing. I think it's starting to mess with your view of things. And Xev is totally right, (like always

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    ). If it's that bad, just let go and relax for a while. And if you really care as much as it sounds like you do, maybe you should just go right out and say it, or just back off and think for a while. The tension here is thick enough you couldn't cut it with a ginsu knife, and they can cut through logs and cafeteria hamburgers.

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    I just hope this sordid story resolves itself soon.

    Take it easy,
    Lesion42
     
  20. Cactus Jack Death Knight of Northrend Registered Senior Member

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    816
    I talked to her, and she does seem to care. We had a good conversation which invloved her crying and me spilling out everything I was feeling. And I know this now, and I am able to deal with a lot of things better now.

    Still I don't know whats going on with me, the whole Walls are closing in thing and I just hope I can take it. I have to make it through this relatively unscathed and then I'll probabaly come out a better, more stable person.

    God, I need summer, badly.......Anyone else?
     
  21. Xev Registered Senior Member

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    10,943
    "I have to make it through this relatively unscathed and then I'll probabaly come out a better, more stable person"

    You will. I've done it.

    Then again, I'm perhaps not the best person to say that....
     
  22. Tyler Registered Senior Member

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    4,888
    Who else needs summer?
    RIGHT HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I have my summer pretty much mapped out. For the week and a half after school my group of four (eli, ross, jeff, myself) will spend the entire time on psychadelic drugs and watching great movies and going everywhere in the city. After that ross and eli go to camp. So Jeff and I spend 3 weeks with a lot of marijuana and watch EVERY movie in the entire world that we haven't seen (which is fewer movies than you may think) and spending time exploring downtown Toronto. Then I go to L.A. for a week with my family and enjoy a great time. Come back, and Eli is home from camp while Jeff leaves for camp. Then Eli and I will spend all our time enjoying downtown Toronto and experimenting and hitting on women and going to a Jethro Tull concert. Then all four guys are back home for a final 1 1/2 weeks which will be spent first purchasing a real bong (only for the aspect of the cool look, as the bong we use right now works VERY well) and then just hanging out like usual.

    I NEED SUMMER!!!!!!
     
  23. Pollux V Ra Bless America Registered Senior Member

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    6,495
    Cactus we're going to a movie or something on Friday, playing 'futbol' before. Summer is only I think four weeks off, so hang on.
     

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