Life, the Universe, and Everything-the Ultimate Free Thoughts Thread

Well the way that lindsey made it out to be it didn't sound that incredible, I mean I see all these little relationships in the hallway that are more official than real. I want to just go to movies with someone or drink an assorted euro-trash beverage with someone in a pale lit shop somewhere in town.

Speaking of movies what's the story with what we're gonna do with Episode 2?

 

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I don't know about the movie, I was gona talk to Rich today. We'll get up there somehow.

And as far as relationships go - they're fun, at least from my understanding (which is substandard to say the least). I would like just hanging with a girl, talking to her everynight on the phone. And her coming over and making out. That and going to movies......... Not much I can do about it I guess....... You probably have a better shot of getting into a relationship.

 

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I wouldn't say so, man, I think we're in the same boat here. It's going to take a long time for me to find someone new, maybe even july, christ...

(btw that thread about being gay OEDIPUS POSTED. I KILL HIM!!!!)

 

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You really shouldn't have stopped logging out, polly. What sort of body/mind are you looking for anyhoo? Just kind of interesting to hear the general types that folks like.

 

pollysd problem is that we now know about him and the goats.

 

I'm interested in someone smart and interesting to speak to, as well as someone independent. Having a fine body is a plus

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Actually Oeddie I said that YOU were into the goats, not me! Not meeeeeeee!

 

i hate goats, its you who was the goat dude...

god i hate goats....

hey your online

 

You know how on this thread I talked about how I let everything out to that one person, all the things I was feeling. I think it was a mistake. Seriously, she doesn't care for me at all, no one does anyway. But I thought she did, I'm an idiot. I have come to a point of pure rage, contempt and hatred of myself. I won't let anything out like that again, no point. God am I an idiot.

So basicaly I realize I am completely unimportat to her. And being around her is a constant reminder of all that I want, the main thing I want which will forever remain unattainable. She makes me look at myself so hard it could be consider suicidal (though I am not contemplating that). I just think why can't I be important to someone, why can't I be loved?

Oh well, I'm tired, and angry.......

 

All I can say is just move on, I felt really close to the same way before I...er...asked Lindsey out, why doesn't she love me etcetera, but the first thing I thought when you told me about this thing with Lily was 'wow we're in the same boat here.' We're not anymore and I've moved on, christ I hardly talk to her anymore because I really don't care about her the same way, she's become more of a 'secondary friend.' Lily is great, but I guess you just have to come to the realization that it isn't going to work out, like I did, and then maybe you'll feel a lot better, happy go-lucky like me. Maybe you won't, but the fact is that there isn't a whole hellofa lot you or anyone can do about it. The way I see it, you only have one option, and that is to move on.

At the moment I have my eyes on a few chicks typical of what I described in my last post, I guess I'm just inching my way into their lives even though I was already their friend beforehand. Trouble is that they're both friends of Lindsey (one a close friend). Damn we just don't have enough of these girls in the freshmen class that aren't affiliated with her.

 

Cactus:

"I just think why can't I be important to someone, why can't I be loved?"

Because life sucks. You be careful, though. Don't make falling for people who won't love you a habit, like some of us do.

Edit to respond to Polly: Well, here I am. Saber and all.

 

I was waiting for the cavalry (xev) to join this discussion!

 

Well, its not just love. Its friendship. I don't believe I am in any way important to her, and that includes as a friend. I can understand this though: I'm a jerk, I hurt everyone around me, I'm constantly depressed, I have no self esteem or confidence, I'm ugly and have no talents. There are no redeeming qualites apparent in me. When I asked her why she would ever be friends with me and stay that way she started talking about how I'm funny and say funny stuff at the perfect time, that's the only thing she said. A bad response considering I don't consider that part of me, I hate it, its the mask I wear constantly so that I can make it through the day, I don't think while I do it, and besides I'm annoying too.

And I just can't help it, why couldn't she have a relationsip with me but would be my friend and say that I'm so important to her. SHe knows this is tearing me apparent and I need something certain, I want her to either hate me or love me, not a friendship that I constantly question and makes me look at myself so hard.

See I can't take it anymore. All the people I hang with are so damn perfect compared to me, and this isn't just in my own mind. They aren't depressed 75% of the time, they have high metabolisms, they have had relationships, they have some future, they have confidence, they aren't disgusting like me, they have sports. The only sport I found I was any good at people either consider "gay" or don't give a shit about.

Next thing that really made me feel like this and brought this about was I went on a field trip to Boston, On the way back one of my best male friends was talking to her and my other best female friend. Going back and fourth with the hypothetical or sex based questions (you know from what superhero would you screw to what do you look for in a guy.). I didn't need to here her talk about what she looked for in a guy, where the line between good friends and "going out" lay. I've lived the by-product of it.

Plus shes gone out with the people I consider my best friend my worst enemy and then my "partner in crime" (only dude that is as funny as I am, and thinks in that way comedically - philosophicaly)

So now I have pure rage, hatred and contempt for myself. I've never been so angry before in my life - ever.

Sorry to vent, I HAD TO.

Thanx Xev and Pollux I realy appreciate it. And where's Tyler? maybe he could help too. SOrry to vent about my problems I had to somehow, sorry again.

 

A few things i've learned, that may directly or indirectly prove helpful to some of you.

When someone i feel attracted to doesn't seem to be attracted to me, i take that as a sign that things wouldn't end up working out between us anyway, and it's better to find this out sooner than later. When i was in high school i would feel frustrated and even angry if someone i felt really attracted to wasn't interested in being my girlfriend, because i felt like "If she only gave us a chance, she would see how compatible we actually are... If only she gave us a chance, she would find out how wonderful it could be." I could name girl after girl that this happened with. But it takes two to tango, and if i had simply learned to accept that "What is, is -- and what isn't, isn't" i could have saved myself a lot of heartache.

Another thing... A person's first love/mate relationships will usually reflect the sort of relationship that they've had with their parent of the opposite gender. And unless the person learns from their experiences and grows internally, this will often remain the case throughout their life. I can speak from experience, because after grade school i had a rather unhealthy relationship with my mother much of the time. I was a momma's boy to some small extent in grade school, we had a close relationship. And when i entered junior high, like most teenagers i wanted to be more independent and sorta broke away from her, and she harshly rejected me for this. She often criticized me, yelled at me, etc, and was seldom as loving towards me as she once had been.

And then when i first began feeling attracted to girls, in retrospect i can see where i was partly attracted to females who weren't attracted to me and so would sorta give me the cold shoulder if i tried telling them how i felt about them. And this would end up causing me to feel that much more attracted to them. At the time i couldn't understand why any of this was, but eventually i came to understand that it reflected my relationship with my mother. In a deep way i had come to desire the sort of love-hate push-pull relationship that i'd had with my mother. I never thought to myself or said, "Gee, i'm interested in girls who aren't interested in being my girlfriend or who are unattainable" but that's the way it effectively was. There were some exceptions, some females who were very sweet and interested in pursuing things with me, but i found myself not as attracted to them, and so didn't pursue things with them, and never gave much thought at the time as to why this was.

And then, in my first mate relationships in my late-teens, i kept encountering women who i would connect with really deeply, and yet at the same time very unhealthy elements would eventually surface in our relationship. With one girl this took the form of arguing with each other more and more after the first week of our being intimate with each other -- each of us feeling that the other one was starting the arguments. With another girl she would become icy towards me if she was displeased with me for whatever reason. And then with several girls, they ended up betraying my trust by having sex with another guy before they broke things off with me, which i eventually found out about and then felt emotionally devastated.

Eventually, after giving all of this a lot of deep thought and doing a lot of inner exploring, i ended up changing the sorts of females who i felt attracted to. While i might still feel a superficial sort of attraction to some women without much inner attraction being there, i stopped focusing on such instances, and instead began focusing on women who are loving, kind, accepting, humorous, compassionate, considerate, honourable, and who have integrity. I became more selective in who i would allow myself to feel attracted to; or rather, i became more selective in which attractions i would allow myself to focus on. In other words, if i saw some hottie with a body that i was very attracted to, but i wasn't very attracted to her internally, i would just stop focusing on the attraction that i felt to her and focus on other women instead. I might masturbate while fantasizing about her, and enjoy that, but i no longer had any desire to actually have an intimate relationship with her or even just have sex with her.

Also, it's my opinion that there's someone out there for everyone. Someone out there whose physical looks are compatible with your own, and who would be very attracted to you, and you to them. So if you do desire such an enjoyable relationship, it's important to not close yourself off from it possibly occurring. And it often happens when you least expect it, so...

 

See, I normaly just except the fact the girl isn't interested in me, take it as that , and forget her. Seriously that's just life. I'm not attracted to women that wouldn't be attracted to me, no girl would, or at last one I could ever find physicaly or mentaly appealing no matter how I change my opinions. The thing is I've never felt like this before, shes perfect, I can't deny it. I tried to and it nearly ate me alive. I can't help it, damn. (at loss for words)

Sorry just that, all the things going on in my above post have really f' ed me over. Thanx for your help though Lykan. I'm in a real fix.

 

Jack, if you'd like to have a healthy, happy mate relationship, then my suggestion would be to first work on liking who you are. You can't give heartfelt love to someone else if you don't first love yourself -- that's like trying to give someone water from an empty fountain. You can only truly love someone else to the extent that you love yourself.

I know what it's like to not like yourself, to hate yourself, to feel that you're ugly and this and that. I've been through it. All i can say is, begin focusing on the things that you do like about yourself, and go from there.

If you believe that you are disgusting, then this will come across in your interacting with other people, and you will end up attracting women to you who will effectively treat you as if you are disgusting -- and this will only serve to confirm and reinforce your belief that you are disgusting.

Like i said, there's someone for everyone. There is someone out there whose body is compatible with your own, who has a similar level of physical attractiveness that you have, and who is a similar sort of person that you are in many ways. Someone who would be very attracted to you, and who you could share so much happiness with. And unless you learn to start liking yourself and even loving yourself, when you do eventually meet this person, you won't find them attractive and go on to experience a very enjoyable and pleasurable mate relationship with them for the simple fact that you don't like yourself. They will give you a rather clear reflection of yourself, but because you don't think you're very attractive, you won't find them attractive.

 

"You can't give heartfelt love to someone else if you don't first love yourself -- that's like trying to give someone water from an empty fountain. You can only truly love someone else to the extent that you love yourself."

That's utter bull.

Cactus:
"See, I normaly just except the fact the girl isn't interested in me, take it as that , and forget her. Seriously that's just life. I'm not attracted to women that wouldn't be attracted to me, no girl would, or at last one I could ever find physicaly or mentaly appealing no matter how I change my opinions. The thing is I've never felt like this before, shes perfect, I can't deny it. I tried to and it nearly ate me alive. I can't help it, damn. (at loss for words)"

I know. *Sigh*

It gets better with time. If you don't think she'll feel the same way, maybe you should stop seeing her completly?

I've learned to be content.

 

A person's beliefs about the nature of reality end up effectively creating so much of the reality that they then experience. Same with a person's expectations.

From what i've observed, pessimists create beliefs like "Things will never work out for me" to try and shield themselves from feeling hurt if things don't end up working out for them, but all they mostly end up doing is needlessly creating more unpleasantness for themselves -- because they end up leaning themselves towards things not working out for them in how they see things and thus in how they go about things, when things may have otherwise worked out quite differently.

And the person who projects their unpleasant past experiences into their imagined future when they imagine it ends up needlessly perpetuating it. If i hadn't opened myself up to possibly being hurt again with my 7th girlfriend due to all of the hurt that i'd experienced with previous girlfriends, i would have never experienced all of the happiness that i did. It was with my 7th girlfriend that i ended up experiencing the deepest happiness and fulfillment. We were together for longer than i was with any other girlfriend, too.

 

Well, i respect your opinion. That's just my own opinion from what i've observed. Sometimes people do transcend it for periods of time, loving someone more than they love themselves, but in general i think that what i said above is the case. It's just that most people have at least some water in their fountain, so to speak. And most people who think that they have no water in their fountain (no love for themselves) do have more in it than they realize.

 

I was eating dinner a bit ago and thinking over this conversation and had these quotes occur to me...


"A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities, and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties." - Harry Truman


"Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character." - Albert Einstein


"It's the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen." - Claude M. Bristol


"As you believe, so you become. As you become, so you believe." - Unknown

 

"The voyage of discovery lies not in finding new landscapes but in having new eyes." - Marcel Proust


"The words 'I am...' are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to. The thing you're claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you." - A.L. Kitselman


"Remember: happiness is a way of travel, not a destination." - Roy Goodman