Jokes and Funny Stories II

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by Billy T, Jan 10, 2014.

  1. Magical Realist Valued Senior Member

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  3. Magical Realist Valued Senior Member

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    sideshowbob and DaveC426913 like this.
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  5. sculptor Valued Senior Member

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    Trucker stumbles into a bar and orders a "whiskey-double"
    chugs it down and mutters "God damn--son of a bitch"
    orders another
    chugs it down
    and exclaims- "Jesus Christ, God damn--son of a bitch"
    orders another
    chugs it down and screams
    JESUS CHRIST, GOD DAMN, SON OF A BITCH
    orders another
    whereupon, the bartender says
    "I don't know what your problem is buddy, but you've got to tone it down"
    Trucker says
    "why?"
    Bartender responds:
    "Because, if the nuns in the convent next door hear you, we're gonna have a problem"
    Trucker says:
    "Nuns, did you say nuns?
    Bartender says:
    "Yeh, nuns, they live next door"
    Trucker says
    "Jesus Christ, god bless you"
    "I could have sworn that I just ran over 2 six foot penguins!"
     
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  7. Magical Realist Valued Senior Member

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    origin and sideshowbob like this.
  8. Magical Realist Valued Senior Member

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  9. Magical Realist Valued Senior Member

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  10. Magical Realist Valued Senior Member

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  11. Michael 345 New year. PRESENT is 71 years old Valued Senior Member

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    sculptor and sideshowbob like this.
  12. Magical Realist Valued Senior Member

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  13. Magical Realist Valued Senior Member

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  14. Magical Realist Valued Senior Member

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    Contact made, circa 1966, Gladys Crabtree's house, 124 Peacock Lane, Hoboken, NJ

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  15. Michael 345 New year. PRESENT is 71 years old Valued Senior Member

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    What's the difference between a banjo and a onion?

    Nobody cries when you cut up a banjo



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  16. sideshowbob Sorry, wrong number. Valued Senior Member

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    I like banjos but I like the joke too. I think I've heard the same joke applied to bagpipes. I like bagpipes too.
     
  17. Write4U Valued Senior Member

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    I still like this wonderful little skit;
     
  18. Magical Realist Valued Senior Member

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  19. DaveC426913 Valued Senior Member

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    Then maybe you'll like this as much as I do.


    I also really like Dueling Banjos, (and not in an ironic way):


     
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  20. Magical Realist Valued Senior Member

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  21. sculptor Valued Senior Member

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    Every time the old woodworker lifted a board onto the table saw, his back ached. When he bent to pick up something, his legs shook. And when he worked on the lathe for a while, his hands vibrated.

    Finally, his wife persuaded him to go to the doctor.

    When he came home, his face was ashen.

    “What’s the matter, dear?” she asked.

    “It’s these pills the doctor gave me.”

    “What are they for?”

    “Chronic pain, the doc said.”

    “And what’s the problem?”

    “Well, he said to take one every morning for the rest of my life.”

    “And…”

    “He only gave me a dozen!”
     
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  22. DaveC426913 Valued Senior Member

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    I read " the old woodpecker...".

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    It sure can't have anything to do with the fact that, not twelve seconds ago, I was poring over this page.
     
  23. sculptor Valued Senior Member

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