Jokes and Funny Stories II

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by Billy T, Jan 10, 2014.

  1. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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  3. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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    sideshowbob likes this.
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  7. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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  8. Michael 345 New year. PRESENT is 69 years old Valued Senior Member

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    • Misogynistic, sexist posts like this are unacceptable on sciforums. Please do not post this kind of thing.
    How do you know when it is time to do housework?

    Look inside your pants. If you see a penis in there it is not

    QI Series 4 Episode 11 Domesticity

    On now 0630 just before breakfast

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  9. Michael 345 New year. PRESENT is 69 years old Valued Senior Member

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    Friends email

    Picked up a hitch-hiker.


    Seemed like a nice guy.

    After a few klms, he asked

    me if I wasn't afraid that he

    might be a serial killer?

    I told him that the odds of two

    serial killers being in the same

    car was extremely unlikely.

    He was very quiet after that

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  10. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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  11. iceaura Valued Senior Member

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    Still posting this shit for free?
     
  12. Michael 345 New year. PRESENT is 69 years old Valued Senior Member

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    Man dies an ends up in heaven

    After the normal welcome he is told of a new system designed to access which level of heaven would best suit him

    It was a massive technology upgrade on THE BOOK where all your sins had lies had been recorded

    Pointing to a ramp StPeter gave the man a supermarket cart full of sticks of chalk

    He was to push the cart up the ramp

    At each level he would come to a door with a chalkboard

    He was to write his name and sin on the board

    When he had written out his last sin and lie the chalk would turn into a key and he could open the door

    He was also instructed to stay to the left of the ramp

    He sets off and follows the instructions and as days pass he feels the cart becoming lighter and guesses he is closer to his door

    Sure enough a day later his stick of chalk becomes a key and he opens the door. Stepping inside he looks around the glorious set up

    He was about to go further inside and close the door when he hears a strange noises

    Turning around he sees Donald Trump sitting in a cart running down the ramp

    He just has time to call out to say are you OK and hear back I'm good I'm going back from another cart of chalk

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  13. TheFrogger Valued Senior Member

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    An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are sentenced to ten-years in jail, each. Before they are imprisoned they are offered an unlimited supply of an item of their choosing. The Englishman chooses an unlimited supply of beer, the Irishman cigarettes, and the Scotsman whisky. After ten-years has passed the guards open the Englishman's cell and all three prisoners tumble out and the Irishman asks, "Have you got a light?"
     
  14. TheFrogger Valued Senior Member

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    "Danielle Westbrook has no nose."

    "How does she smell?"
     
  15. Michael 345 New year. PRESENT is 69 years old Valued Senior Member

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    Terrible

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  16. TheFrogger Valued Senior Member

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    Lol Michael345.

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  17. DaveC426913 Valued Senior Member

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    I don't get it.

    How did they all get in the Englishman's cell? Does beer help non-Englishmen to tunnel through walls?
     
  18. TheFrogger Valued Senior Member

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    If prisoners can tunnel through walls you'd think they'd escape, but they all joined each other so they could party.

    You really are an ignoramus! ☺
     
  19. DaveC426913 Valued Senior Member

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  20. TheFrogger Valued Senior Member

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    Why are there so many Chinese people in Harrow?

    They get off a plane, into a taxi and say, "Harrow!"
     
  21. TheFrogger Valued Senior Member

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    Why is there no aspirin in the Jungle?

    The Parrots eat 'em all.
     
  22. DaveC426913 Valued Senior Member

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    I had to Google this.

    Unless you're British, it makes no sense at all.
     
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  23. TheFrogger Valued Senior Member

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    The paracetamol.
     

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