Is trust earned or learned?

Discussion in 'Human Science' started by wegs, Aug 13, 2013.

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  1. Trooper Secular Sanity Valued Senior Member

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    One random act of kindness does not mean you’re kind. One lie does not make a liar, but when the behavior is repeated, reinforced, and successful, ta-da…he or she becomes a liar. The learned behavior becomes part of their identity and takes on a life of its own. The liar is no longer predictable, and unfortunately, changing back becomes increasingly difficult.

    Perhaps, it is not trust but trustworthiness that must be earned and preserved.
     
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  3. wegs Matter & Pixie Dust Valued Senior Member

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    That's it! Trooper, thank you.

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    You posted it so much better than me, all I've felt about the subject!
    Damn yes, that is it.
     
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  5. Robittybob1 Banned Banned

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    Maybe some will never regain trust. No matter whatever others do.
     
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  7. river Valued Senior Member

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    Perhaps though trust or trustworthiness can be gained back by actions of those who have lost it and want to regain trust
     
  8. wegs Matter & Pixie Dust Valued Senior Member

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    If we are speaking about person to person...someone lost another person's trust...then it is not impossible to forgive, but nearly impossible to forget. As Trooper states, if the behavior is repeated, then apologies and kind words are a joke to the offended party. Once trust is broken, for me, it's gone. The person is no longer who I thought he/she was, so the friendship/relationship is over.

    Now, if you are talking about new people...one should try to not let the bad actions of ppl in the past taint all the potentially good relationships that may await.

    It all goes back to treating ppl as you wish to be treated.

    I'm no saint, I have hurt ppl in my life, but through remorse and change, there will always be hope. But when someone keeps offending and doesn't change the behavior...it's best to just part ways.

    I can't change anyone nor do I want to, but I won't lower the bar to accept repetitive shenanigans, anymore. Key is repetitive.

    Just my two cents fwiw.
     
  9. river Valued Senior Member

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    So have I , hurt people in my life but they started this problem not me

    The way I deal with repeat offenders of trust is that I tell them straight out what I think , I'll be plain

    But the problem is can or do they have the desire to change

    The tougher the life they have lived the harder it is to change
     
  10. Robittybob1 Banned Banned

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    @ wegs - and all the others who read my posts - What are my faults? What things must I never repeat. Personally I'm at a loss, for I want to be trusted.
     
  11. river Valued Senior Member

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    Repeat nothing that has caused mistrust , that simple
     
  12. Robittybob1 Banned Banned

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    Could you give me a silly example please?

    Annoyance is not mistrust is it? disobedience is not mistrust is it? To me lying is mistrust.

    Ok something could be worded like "I trust you never to reveal this secret that I have just told you." That should have been based on a promise never to tell, but if someone springs that onto you, that is a bit different.

    You get told, "Don't talk about this" but you do. Is that breaking trust or just asserting your own rights to free speech? OK it may hurt the relationship but it wasn't trust that was broken. Its more like obedience/disobedience. Who sets the rules? Who orders who? It is not a matter of trust but obedience that is the problem.
     
  13. wegs Matter & Pixie Dust Valued Senior Member

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    I should've been a nun.
    :bugeye:
     
  14. Robittybob1 Banned Banned

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    Do they demand obedience? I suppose if they are teachers they do? "Class line up!" "Sit down class and be quiet".
     
  15. river Valued Senior Member

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    For the most part don't repeat that which cause mistrust in the first place
     
  16. Robittybob1 Banned Banned

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    I'm trying that, except I don't know what I've done.
    If it is a matter of misbehaving, being disobedient, having a different point of view, arguing, joking, laughing, writing to others then I'm guilty of mistrust, but those things aren't a matter of trust.
    I'm going to get the dictionary definition of trust and see what it means.

    The Google definition
    "trust
    /trəst/
    Noun
    Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
    Verb
    Believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of.
    Synonyms
    noun. confidence - faith - credit - reliance - belief
    verb. believe - confide - rely - credit - hope - entrust"

    Nothing in there about not misbehaving, not being disobedient, not having a different point of view, not arguing, not joking, not laughing, or not writing to others. So these characters that make me who I am, should not be judged under the heading of trust.

    OK I see how it might be brought in incorrectly, say, "If he argues with me I can't trust him". So you might be linking the wrong things together. "If he argues with me I'll argue back" that would make more sense.
     
  17. wegs Matter & Pixie Dust Valued Senior Member

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    This thread is not at all about you, robittybob.
    I've posted this a few times now.
    It's about my own trust issues. And people's experiences and sharing.

    So, let's get back on topic.

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  18. Write4U Valued Senior Member

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    My wife went to catholic school. Whenever she asked a question of "why and how" she would receive demerits (with an occasional caning), until she was classified as incorrigible. For seeking enlightenment?

    Actually my wife became a nurse and has cared for people in distress all her life, earning the respect of all medical professionals she worked with as well as the "everlasting" gratitude from her patients. So much for religious schools and teachings.
     
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2013
  19. Robittybob1 Banned Banned

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    I realize it is not about me, but it is about you, and surely you know that. Did you see my point I was making about you? I think your problem is not trust at all but all those other attributes and you are linking them to trust incorrectly. I am trying to help you, really I am.
     
  20. wegs Matter & Pixie Dust Valued Senior Member

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    Thanks, but you don't know me.

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    Second, I don't have room in my life for users. I've allowed them in my life for far too long and now, I only invite ppl in who have my back. Who care about me. Who edify my life. Everyone makes mistakes, but narcissistic jerks need not apply.

    If someone makes me feel bad, I move on. I don't fret ...I don't argue. I move on.

    Sometimes you have to stand for what u believe in, even if you end up standing alone.
     
  21. Robittybob1 Banned Banned

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    Is this you telling me off? So if I was to take that personally what would I take from that?
    1. You don't know me
    2. You think I'm a user
    3. I don't care for you
    4.I don't edify your life
    5. I'm a narcissistic jerk
    6. I make you feel bad

    Not a bad list complaints really. I think I have brought out a side of you, you might not have known about. I know you will say you weren't pointing the finger at me personally, but let's not go there.
     
  22. wegs Matter & Pixie Dust Valued Senior Member

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    Robittybob...this thread was never about you.

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    I find this badgering on your part, to be really strange at this point.

    Please stop.
     
  23. Trooper Secular Sanity Valued Senior Member

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    Oh, we trust you alright. We trust that you’ll continue to bloviate until you’re banned.
     
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